Best+Worst of Teacher Quotes and Habits (2 Viewers)

[Sparcod]

I don't even know if there is another thread on this topic so I do apoligise if there is. I just want a list of the best and worst of teacher quotes and habits.

I'll start.


*Science/biology lesson.
Student: If you remove 'an eye' from an organism, do you get an orgasm?

*Music teacher/saxophones
Teacher: Let's blow the sax.

 

[Stopsign]

Good topic.

Three boys walked into the classroom late and the teacher was angry.
Teacher: Where have you three been??
One student: In bed.


Student: I had a plan for my essay and it worked.
Teacher: Was it to pretend to be sick so you could do it later?

 

[BlackDragon]

I can't remember the exact words, but one of our favourite teachers at school (a maths teacher) got up at assembly and informed us that he had been arrested for holding weapons of maths instruction. lol. it was so funny. he continued the joke but i can't remember what he said.

also, one of my science teachers drew and big X on my head with a white board marker when i got something wrong in class. lol.

 

[w00dy.]

modern history:

student: what is a flank?
teacher: its another word for wing
student: well why dont they just call it a wing
teacher: yeah you can just see it now, the new add for sanitary items for women, now with flanks!

 

[hopeles5ly]

Student: *asks all these stupid questions*
Teacher: I DONT FUCKING KNOW.
Teacher: opps that slipped

 

[Season]

note: I go to an all girls private school with a strict uniform

*student walks into class late

male teacher:Claire!
Claire:yeah...
teacher: are you a lesbian?
Claire: NO!
teacher: then do up your top button!

Girls remember never smuggle drugs into a country where they have the death penalty

Student: Can I be Jesus?
Teacher: We already have four Jesus's!

Girls, UAI isn't the most important thing, I mean you could screw up get a job at maccas and meet the love of your life there on your first day. On the other hand, you could blitz your exams top the state enter univesity and get struck by lightening on your first week

 

[jessmac]

Student- Science is stupid
Science Teacher- Yes, science is stupid! I AM AGREEING WItH YOU, NOW BE QUIET!

Teacher- I am a mushroom
Student- You're a mushroom?
Teacher- Yes , im kept in the dark and fed bullshit!

 

[timlay]

haha i remember my year 8 english teacher..

miss b: now boys, Don't be cheaterers!

haha. english teacher...

oh and there was another one.

miss b: boys, please turn off your e-pods while i'm talking.

 

[Sparcod]

It was raining and sport was cancelled and last lesson for the day was extended by 15 minutes. The Maths teacher had a screwdriver in his hand and was fixing the door. There was one kid (who always jokes around with him) asks...

Student A: What are doing sir?
Teacher: I'm making sure that the door is "seige-ready".

 

[kloudsurfer]

Biology teacher sqeezing sheep kidneys with an excited look on his face:

'Yes, I get off on kidneys.'

 

[mr_brightside]

Teacher: Don't be smart.
Me: why not?

 

[priesty]

In Legal Studies or something of the sort-

Teacher: What do you call a sick bird?
Teacher: An ill-eagle.

Same Teacher-

- I'm handing out the handouts.

Then we had a girl absent by the name of Vaishy so he asked "Vai-is-sh-away"?

 

[Testpilot]

Maths Teacher: You have offended the maths gods, go pray for forgiveness in the corner.

Maths Teacher [looking at students answer to question]: Thats good work. Now just rub out everything except the first line [ question] and write this [dictates answer].

The above maths teacher also had a habit of dressing up for special occasions. For example he dressed up as a West Indian Cricketer (with black boot polish and cricket whites) and as a Lorikeet (bird costume).

(married) Business Studies Teacher: So I went to Newcastle last weekend. Went to Fannies. Met (young girl).

Business Studies Teacher: Wait, no you wouldn't be related....wait no hang on you kissed your cousin. You're wrong.

Female Student: I didn't do my homework.
Modern History Teacher (aka Shane Warne-that look+act the same): Why not?
Female Student: I had a headache.
Modern History Teacher: Shouldn't you save that for when you are married? You see boys, they always have headaches when you need them to do something.

 

[ShaneRichards13]

Geography teacher: You look like dumb!

 

[asscookie]

Computing studies teacher: Having sex is like learning to ride a bicycle. Practice makes perfect.

 

[aussiechica7]

"sir, what's your favourite thing to do?"
"do u honestly want 2 know?"
"yes"
"have sex... i really like having sex"
hahah typical male


"mr choo, i want 2 b a dr!"
"not with those SAC scores"


"mr choo should i take rennaisance history or psychology next yr?"
"renaissance"
"why?"
"u fail renaissance. u get easy 50 in psych." (implying i was only good at science and not humanities... lol).


"mr choo, i'd never cheat, i'm a woman of integrity"
"u not woman, u little girl."


then there was mr clarke... who had a scottish accent and thus everything he said was awesome... regardless of what he actually said. few choice quotes were "oooh... ur a strange one then aren't you?"

 

[Testpilot]

<3
Modern - obsessing over a girl in the other class tryin to beat our top gun.

I got her in the end though.

business - Involving himself in sexual conversations

Other good moments (from that teacher and class):

Drawing a girl's family tree to work out whether or not the cousin she hooked up with was blood related.

Teacher going to Fannies.

Girl (from above) entering Miss Earth Australia and all the hippy jokes that went along with that.

Teacher going to Fannies.

Boy A staring on Home and Away. Then in a Juvie informational video.

Teacher going to Fannies.

Boy B waking up spooning with Boy C on the weekend and then discussing it in class. They claim to have been drunk.

Teacher going to Fannies.

Random Substitutes that starred sexually at students.

Teacher going to Fannies.

 

[watatank]

Student: *asks all these stupid questions*
Teacher: I DONT FUCKING KNOW.
Teacher: opps that slipped

Hahaha best one here

 

[^CoSMic DoRiS^^]

Geography teacher: You look like dumb!

ROFL.

i love this thread...ah the memories.

These two teachers are married to each other (we have a few married couples teaching at our school) and we always wondered how they ended up together because she's so intelligent and capable and he's such a bumbling idiot.


English Teacher (not mine): "Bettera" (instead of just 'better' or 'improved' lol); "Oh God, there's a pile of handouts here!!!"; "Becomed" (you can really tell he's an English teacher haha); and constantly "Get That Down Guys!!" whenever he wants us to write something down.

My English/Drama teacher: "That's why Adam and Eve got kicked out of heaven. But put a man and a woman there together, naked, and what do you think is going to happen?!" and "Okay?" every 5 seconds hehe. oh and when we were watching A Streetcar Named Desire (the movie) in drama, as soon as Marlon Brando comes on the screen she pauses it and goes "LOOK at those PECS!" rofl that was the funniest lesson ever. And she had a scary thing for Viggo Mortensen. But with her husband (see above) i reckon she needed a distraction lol.


My Maths teacher: "Where did eyeballs come from?" ; "I'm going to go home and cry my hairy self to sleep" (this was after much teasing about his hairiness from us).

edit: remembered more loal.

Science Teacher: "Starfish are scary" (we have it from a reputable eyewitness that he irons naked. it disturbs me that this man used to live like 4 houses away from me.)

Student: "Is there a Hamlet 2? because i want to find out what happens to Horatio."
Teacher: *blank stare*
Teacher: "Let's turn to chapter 4...."

Student: (about Ros and Guil) "This...this new play we're doing...does it have *strained thinking expression* something to do with Hamlet?"
Teacher: *blank stare*
Teacher: Um. Yes. OBVIOUSLY.

 

[stephenchow]

The sequel to Romeo and Juliet is "Romeo must die"