Essay Introduction Help, please :D (1 Viewer)

caninesandy

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HSC
2016
Hello those bored of studies :p
I was wondering if anyone could please help me and rate my introduction to my legal studies essay? I wasn't entirely sure of how to write it because what ever people tell me or I have read seem to contradict each other... :/

Topic: With reference to a group suffering disadvantage, assess the responsiveness of the legal system in dealing with issues.

I chose migrants
BTW this is for a preliminary assessment, not HSC
My Introduction
Australia has attempted to address numerous legal and social issues since federation, but there are still groups within the community that face disadvantage. In modern Australia, migrants are an integral and substantial part of the community consisting of 28% of the population, according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics. Migrants face numerous challenges, such as racial discrimination, workplace exploitation and language and cultural barriers within the legal system. There are numerous legal and non-legal responses which attempt to resolve these issues and increase social cohesion with varying degrees of effectiveness.

If you have any tips that would be very helpful :)
THANK YOU SO MUCHHHHH!!!
 

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