I think it sounds shoddy (1 Viewer)

flourescent

New Member
Joined
Jun 1, 2007
Messages
1
Gender
Female
HSC
2007
I know, I know. Its a bit late to be thinking hmmm is this decent but I cant help myself. Everyone thinks my introduction sounds good and looks like it has everything in there. I think it sounds shoddy, fake and that I'm missing something. :mad1: Feel free to tell me its crap, it will reinforce my thoughts.... but then again feel free to tell me it sounds decent... I wont hate you much.

P.S. It still needs ALOT of work!!!! And I know my grammar and spelling are horrible. I come from a German family so my english isn't as good as I wish it was.





This Personal Interest Project will be about Dogs In Australian Society, which will include the use of dogs as assistance animals, like guide dogs, family pets and working dogs, for example professional guard dogs. All these animals interact with people in some way, whether it be through a training course or through a relationship with people, and so this Personal Interest Project will try to investigate this relationship with human beings and the workings of a society of dog owners as a whole. This topic was chosen because of it’s relevance to present time and it’s familiarity to most Australian people. A large portion of families in Australia own a dog or two and so this Personal Interest Project should relate to their relationship with their pets.

The central material will focus on The Role of the Dog in Australian Families. It will be looking at all kinds of families; the stereotypical nuclear unit, the single parent and blended families. The main aim of the central material will be trying to discover why families keep a dog, whether it is due to security, comfort or other possibilities. A lot of families own a dog for a combination of reasons, so this scenario will also be considered in the central material.

Methodologies that will be used are surveys, interviews, personal reflection and content analysis. Surveys enable the collection of simple information that can answer multiple questions. They also collect relatively large quantities of data from different people. Interviews, however, allow for the more in depth data to be received, as details are crucial because the surveys collect raw, simplified data. Content analysis will permit the portrayal of dogs importance in the media which reflects the consumers/dog owners who buy the products advertised. This information is needed for an accurate Personal Interest Project.

Age and gender will be the main cross-cultural components. Different age and gender groups will be clearly evident in the surveys and the interviews, even if age and gender are not revealed directly. Age will enable the difference in changing attitudes to be seen; as children may see a dog as a playmate and a friend, an adult may see an asset or again friendly company. Gender may provide clear information of the reasoning behind the selection of a specific animal, whether it is for an animal’s characteristics, traits, looks or a current fashion trend.

Trends to do with dogs are constantly changing and so are the reasons behind choosing an animal. Some people choose an animal based on current celebrity trends, for example, Paris Hilton and Tinkerbell the Chihuahua. But no matter the reasons people have for adopting a specific animal, this Personal Interest Project will attempt to untangle the information and allow for the increased awareness and appreciation for animals who truly seem to be man’s (and undoubtedly, woman’s) best friend.
 

blondesdoitbeta

New Member
Joined
Aug 8, 2006
Messages
18
Location
Nightmare on HSC street
Gender
Female
HSC
2007
Hey, no i don't think ur intro sounds shoddy at all, i think its thorough and sounds professional (which is what we all want isnt it??) lol but i do have just one little bit of advice...

The intro of the introduction isnt captivating enough- this is the first insight the markers have into ur report!! U need to include an interesting sentence or two about- i spose why u chose the topic or how it relates to you- its a PERSONAL interest project after all.. so instead of-

This Personal Interest Project will be about Dogs In Australian Society, which will include the use of dogs as.....

perhaps try-

For centuries the trusty canine has been characterised as mans best friend- the faithful companion when mankind fails to provide companionship. This Personal Interest Project intends to investigate (sounds better :)...) Dogs In Australian Society, which will include the use of dogs as.....

"But no matter the reasons people have for adopting a specific animal, this Personal Interest Project will attempt to untangle the information and allow for the increased awareness and appreciation for animals who truly seem to be man’s (and undoubtedly, woman’s) best friend." I really like ur ending btw- strong and includes ur aim!!

Good luck!! only a month left until its due (i am freaking out about mine lol!!!)
 

ellen.louise

Member
Joined
Mar 27, 2007
Messages
516
Location
Locked in my cupboard
Gender
Female
HSC
2007
flourescent said:
I know, I know. Its a bit late to be thinking hmmm is this decent but I cant help myself. Everyone thinks my introduction sounds good and looks like it has everything in there. I think it sounds shoddy, fake and that I'm missing something. :mad1: Feel free to tell me its crap, it will reinforce my thoughts.... but then again feel free to tell me it sounds decent... I wont hate you much.

P.S. It still needs ALOT of work!!!! And I know my grammar and spelling are horrible. I come from a German family so my english isn't as good as I wish it was.





This Personal Interest Project will be about Dogs In Australian Society, which will include the use of dogs as assistance animals, like guide dogs, family pets and working dogs, for example professional guard dogs. All these animals interact with people in some way, whether it be through a training course or through a relationship with people, and so this Personal Interest Project will try to investigate this relationship with human beings and the workings of a society of dog owners as a whole. This topic was chosen because of it’s relevance to present time and it’s familiarity to most Australian people. A large portion of families in Australia own a dog or two and so this Personal Interest Project should relate to their relationship with their pets.

The central material will focus on The Role of the Dog in Australian Families. It will be looking at all kinds of families; the stereotypical nuclear unit, the single parent and blended families. The main aim of the central material will be trying to discover why families keep a dog, whether it is due to security, comfort or other possibilities. A lot of families own a dog for a combination of reasons, so this scenario will also be considered in the central material.

Methodologies that will be used are surveys, interviews, personal reflection and content analysis. Surveys enable the collection of simple information that can answer multiple questions. They also collect relatively large quantities of data from different people. Interviews, however, allow for the more in depth data to be received, as details are crucial because the surveys collect raw, simplified data. Content analysis will permit the portrayal of dogs importance in the media which reflects the consumers/dog owners who buy the products advertised. This information is needed for an accurate Personal Interest Project.

Age and gender will be the main cross-cultural components. Different age and gender groups will be clearly evident in the surveys and the interviews, even if age and gender are not revealed directly. Age will enable the difference in changing attitudes to be seen; as children may see a dog as a playmate and a friend, an adult may see an asset or again friendly company. Gender may provide clear information of the reasoning behind the selection of a specific animal, whether it is for an animal’s characteristics, traits, looks or a current fashion trend.

Trends to do with dogs are constantly changing and so are the reasons behind choosing an animal. Some people choose an animal based on current celebrity trends, for example, Paris Hilton and Tinkerbell the Chihuahua. But no matter the reasons people have for adopting a specific animal, this Personal Interest Project will attempt to untangle the information and allow for the increased awareness and appreciation for animals who truly seem to be man’s (and undoubtedly, woman’s) best friend.


This is what I would change:

This Personal Interest Project will be about Dogs In Australian Society, including the use of dogs as assistance animals, such as guide dogs, family pets and working dogs (for example professional guard dogs.) All these animals interact with people in some way, whether it be through a training course or through a relationship with people, therefore this Personal Interest Project will investigate this relationship with human beings and the workings of a society of dog owners as a whole. I chose this topic because of it’s relevance to and it’s familiarity with most Australian people. A large portion of families in Australia own at least one dog, thus this Personal Interest Project should relate to them due to their relationship with their pets.

I don't do SAC so I can't give you advice on the content, but this is slightly better expression. It seems pretty good from an english perspective though.
 

Users Who Are Viewing This Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 1)

Top