conflict in poetry- language PLEASE READ!!

PRODIGAL · 11 Jul 2005, 12:19 PM

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OK this is one of my poems presented in both 'ODE' form a la Keats... or in non-ode form (as instructed by my teacher).. please read and leave feedback as to which is better!!! i can't choose between them.

black_man · 12 Jul 2005, 12:35 AM

I don't think i can make any sort of judgement or assumption as to whether it will be more effective in any form, since i am not aware of your concept. often i would find a form will tend to choose itself from the nature of the subject matter. i would feel as though it would depend on your intended audience, and the 'conflict in language' is indicative of that. if you could please elaborate on exactly what you are hoping to achieve with this poem and the concept i could try and suggest which form may be appropriate, though my opinion might be less valid in the sense that i am not terribly well-schooled in the compositional process of older styles of poetry.

PRODIGAL · 12 Jul 2005, 11:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by black_man

I don't think i can make any sort of judgement or assumption as to whether it will be more effective in any form, since i am not aware of your concept. often i would find a form will tend to choose itself from the nature of the subject matter. i would feel as though it would depend on your intended audience, and the 'conflict in language' is indicative of that. if you could please elaborate on exactly what you are hoping to achieve with this poem and the concept i could try and suggest which form may be appropriate, though my opinion might be less valid in the sense that i am not terribly well-schooled in the compositional process of older styles of poetry.

ok basically for an 'umbrella' overview, my concept or premise that covers each poem is the movements and events that occur, or could potentially occur, within the realms of the night... and as for intended audience .. the problem is that we've decided it is a universal topic and therefore applies to almost anyone. Initially what i hoped to achieve with this poem was experimentation with an alternate structure.. i.e the ode structure.. brought on my study of Keats, but my teacher wasn't sure whether this structure worked with the content of this poem.. which is essentially a woman dreaming of a man that may or may not be real, but now exists only in her dreams. haha i hoped that made it a bit clearer!

black_man · 12 Jul 2005, 11:41 AM

thankyou, that was really helpful. though i still dont really know whether it's at the liberty of the 2005 students to have a greater bearing than your teacher, maybe some of the older BOS members could present a more informed opinon (perhaps whiterabbit or supe_katie)

other than those students, i would urge you to follow the advice of your teacher, since it would seem they would have a far greater knowledge of the course and it's expectations

physician · 12 Jul 2005, 3:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PRODIGAL

OK this is one of my poems presented in both 'ODE' form a la Keats... or in non-ode form (as instructed by my teacher).. please read and leave feedback as to which is better!!! i can't choose between them.

just one quick comment... I preffered the former... i felt it was more ... how can i put it... "nourishing"... but i think black man raised some very very good pts...
and trust me in this particular case u wouldn't want feedback from me...

anyways.. just thought i would tell u which i enjoyed reading more...

my sharona · 12 Jul 2005, 5:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PRODIGAL

Initially what i hoped to achieve with this poem was experimentation with an alternate structure.. i.e the ode structure.. brought on my study of Keats, but my teacher wasn't sure whether this structure worked with the content of this poem.

I'd be interested to see your entire body of work, what style it is written in, its themes as well as how this particular poem fits in with your major work.

I'd prefer the second version because it's refreshing (too much free verse can be suffocating) and there's a certain structure and "quaintness" about the style of writing.

Most importantly, if you are experimenting with something, be sure to put in a contrast. Show the markers how versatile you are!

PRODIGAL · 12 Jul 2005, 5:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whiterabbit

Most importantly, if you are experimenting with something, be sure to put in a contrast. Show the markers how versatile you are!

bullseye! that's why i put it in the ode style to begin with, most of my poems appear in freeverse, and are written in .. well not old style english no thy's and thou's! I'll attach some other of my poems for if anyone's interested in reading them (PLEASE be honest and criticise them!!) cruel to be kind baby...

black_man · 12 Jul 2005, 6:49 PM

I implore you be careful in placing your works on the internet at this point in time. plagiarism has been an issue in this forum, when i know no member of this forum might engage in that sort of practise, the risks are very great.

PRODIGAL · 13 Jul 2005, 12:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by black_man

I implore you be careful in placing your works on the internet at this point in time. plagiarism has been an issue in this forum, when i know no member of this forum might engage in that sort of practise, the risks are very great.

well jeez now u scared me enough to take them of!! haha i don't really think they're good enough for anyone to want to plagiarise but anyway... and if anyone was thinking about usig them i have all of the documentation to back up my writing of them anyway... plus my teachers' reading of them throughout writing process I AM INVINCIBLE haha

black_man · 13 Jul 2005, 12:39 PM

http://www.boredofstudies.org/commun...ad.php?t=76618

this thread deals with a similar issue from another student doing poetry, it expresses the opinions of other members of this forum with regards to sharing work online. granted you do possess documentation within a journal, they are very easily fabricated. though i cant really dictate who you choose to share your work with, teachers conjecture may not be an entirely safe form of evidence that it is your work, and having another student plagiarise your work could potentially destroy the integrity and credibility of your own work. the works are only 'invincible' after they are submitted. until then, i can only urge you to be careful. if you wish to receive feedback, you can PM (private message) any members in this forum through clicking on our name and selecting 'send private message to...' i feel that is the most secure means of sharing work

View Poll Results: Which option is better?!
Keep in 'ode' format	4	66.67%
Change to 'non-ode' format	2	33.33%
Voters: 6. You may not vote on this poll

12 Jul 2005, 12:35 AM	#2 (permalink)
black_man Chuck lives here HSC: 2005 Gender: Male Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 202 Last Activity: 25 Apr 2009, 4:26 PM	I don't think i can make any sort of judgement or assumption as to whether it will be more effective in any form, since i am not aware of your concept. often i would find a form will tend to choose itself from the nature of the subject matter. i would feel as though it would depend on your intended audience, and the 'conflict in language' is indicative of that. if you could please elaborate on exactly what you are hoping to achieve with this poem and the concept i could try and suggest which form may be appropriate, though my opinion might be less valid in the sense that i am not terribly well-schooled in the compositional process of older styles of poetry. __________________ commmunication is the downfall of western civilisation Earthquakes Guitars Good Vibrations

12 Jul 2005, 11:41 AM	#4 (permalink)
black_man Chuck lives here HSC: 2005 Gender: Male Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 202 Last Activity: 25 Apr 2009, 4:26 PM	thankyou, that was really helpful. though i still dont really know whether it's at the liberty of the 2005 students to have a greater bearing than your teacher, maybe some of the older BOS members could present a more informed opinon (perhaps whiterabbit or supe_katie) other than those students, i would urge you to follow the advice of your teacher, since it would seem they would have a far greater knowledge of the course and it's expectations __________________ commmunication is the downfall of western civilisation Earthquakes Guitars Good Vibrations

12 Jul 2005, 6:49 PM	#8 (permalink)
black_man Chuck lives here HSC: 2005 Gender: Male Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 202 Last Activity: 25 Apr 2009, 4:26 PM	I implore you be careful in placing your works on the internet at this point in time. plagiarism has been an issue in this forum, when i know no member of this forum might engage in that sort of practise, the risks are very great. __________________ commmunication is the downfall of western civilisation Earthquakes Guitars Good Vibrations

13 Jul 2005, 12:39 PM	#10 (permalink)
black_man Chuck lives here HSC: 2005 Gender: Male Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 202 Last Activity: 25 Apr 2009, 4:26 PM	http://www.boredofstudies.org/commun...ad.php?t=76618 this thread deals with a similar issue from another student doing poetry, it expresses the opinions of other members of this forum with regards to sharing work online. granted you do possess documentation within a journal, they are very easily fabricated. though i cant really dictate who you choose to share your work with, teachers conjecture may not be an entirely safe form of evidence that it is your work, and having another student plagiarise your work could potentially destroy the integrity and credibility of your own work. the works are only 'invincible' after they are submitted. until then, i can only urge you to be careful. if you wish to receive feedback, you can PM (private message) any members in this forum through clicking on our name and selecting 'send private message to...' i feel that is the most secure means of sharing work __________________ commmunication is the downfall of western civilisation Earthquakes Guitars Good Vibrations

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