| Re: My poem - love it or hate it ....
Yes. considering that you are writing poetry about emotions and feelings (rather than narrative poetry), you really must focus upon using better imagery. And by better i don't just mean more descriptive, more appropirate insofar as definition, a higher echelon of vocab etc (all of which are important) but it must go deeper. MAke sure you amplify your descriptions with more language devices - personification, metapgor, simile etc. USe more intense emotive language.
Finally, make sure that you engage all 5 senses in your descriptions. and, once again, delve deep and exploit it to its max potential.
I presume you are writing in end line stopped poetry? (or whatever its called, not sure of the tech. name). I wouldn't. By writing otherwise you can exploit techniques like enjambment and caesurae.
__________________
“All men on whom the higher nature has stamped the love of truth should especially concern themselves in labouring for posterity, in order that future generations may be enriched by their efforts, as they themselves were made rich by the efforts of generations past.”
Dante, De Monarchia
"Wherein the moralist design'd
A compliment on human kind:
For here he owns, that now and then
Beasts may degenerate into men"
Swift |