Bored of Studies - View Single Post - My poem

snowconesyum · 16 Dec 2008, 10:43 PM

some of ur spelling mistakes are so obvious it looks like you've done them on purpose... are you for real?

anyway.

you probably need to try and think of your own images, and properly think of them, instead of going for the words and descriptions which flow to mind instantly because they are so hackneyed and overused. for instance - 'She thinks with her heart
Only can he unlock it
Or forever shall it be an empty pit'
unlocking a heart, and the hollow residue/empty pit or whatever you want to call it are such typical pictures, that it makes your emotion not real and turns it into some c-grade song lyrics or whatever. actually think about the idea you are conveying, and a more raw/honest to say it. what does it ACTUALLY feel like/remind you of (force yourself to think of original things).

sorry for being so harsh, hopefully the honesty will help you.

16 Dec 2008, 10:43 PM	#11 (permalink)
snowconesyum Member HSC: 2008 Gender: Female Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 121 Last Activity: 26 Sep 2009, 12:54 PM	Re: My poem - love it or hate it .... some of ur spelling mistakes are so obvious it looks like you've done them on purpose... are you for real? anyway. you probably need to try and think of your own images, and properly think of them, instead of going for the words and descriptions which flow to mind instantly because they are so hackneyed and overused. for instance - 'She thinks with her heart Only can he unlock it Or forever shall it be an empty pit' unlocking a heart, and the hollow residue/empty pit or whatever you want to call it are such typical pictures, that it makes your emotion not real and turns it into some c-grade song lyrics or whatever. actually think about the idea you are conveying, and a more raw/honest to say it. what does it ACTUALLY feel like/remind you of (force yourself to think of original things). sorry for being so harsh, hopefully the honesty will help you.