BOS Showcase: 2009 Major Works

[alex.leon]

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Originally Posted by Asubmarine

ahah yeah that's exactly what i'm thinking. Everyone from the poet's thread should def be posting theres

there were so many of us! I think people think its too risky to post poetry. I get the mentality.

[Asubmarine]

mmm I think it'd partly be that. I think the smaller number doing poetry than stories is probably the main factor though.

[six demon bag]

Originally Posted by accio.brain

Just finished reading yours! I liked the whole concept, the thought of a psychologist who counsels others but really doesn't know anything about her own life and well-being, which people often say of real psychologists. It's interesting and I liked it even more because of my own interest in psychology. You described the beginning quite well, something which I at first thought seemed a bit tedious, but I liked the small details, especially the carpet and stain on the wall, haha. It sounds something like what I'd imagine myself to be like if I became a cranky old psychologist who lived alone. Just not the going mad and living on the street bit. Hopefully. As I was reading it, Anna kept reminding me more of myself... which is really creepy. Maybe some weird sign for my future? Though that got a bit unnerving as she finally cracked and went insane. I don't think I'm that... crazy.

There were one or two typos. I read your RS and it sounded a bit narratative, but I think you did say that you weren't too happy with it or something? It's not bad though. I must admit, the lengthy descriptions throughout got tedious at times and her life seemed very boring, but then again that was the point, wasn't it? So you did quite well in expressing the monotony of her life. Haha, I think someone else said this before but I thought the narrator was a man! Then I was like, wait, it's a girl!? lol. The ending was so depressing though! Like she just went around in circles. But again, this was your aim so the effect melded really quite well with this.

"Something that I only ever assumed my heart agreed with" --> I really like that line. Not sure why. It's kind of poetic, in a way.

Anyway, I liked your concept and wish you all the best come December!

Yeah there's quite a few problems with it but - it's done now! haha. I haven't been able to read your's because I'm on my brother's computer and he keeps wanting to facebook but I promise I'll get back to you soon! thanks heaps for feedback.

[six demon bag]

I'm a little bit into your's accio and it's beautifully written. It's so descriptive and lovely. I like the Bright Eyes reference too I love how it keeps coming back to quotes too - it works so well. I actually can't stop reading - this is beautiful. you show the characters' emotions so well.
"This house is my father’s and my father is this house." I love that. I love the recurring "dark red curls". Flows beautifully - I kepp using that word! I couldn't stop reading it - i just finished then. I love how subtly but effectivley you expressed the message. The whole story was just wonderful - I loved it. I think you'll get fantastic marks - you deserve them!

I haven't read your reflection statement yet, but I will have by Tuesday - I'll feedback you on that too

Your story is wonderful.

[Empyrean444]

Originally Posted by diametric

thanks accio.
did you read the RS as well, cause thats the one im worried about? most people's seem a helluva lot better.

i started reading yours last night when i was already sleepy. ill finish it off tonight and get back to you.

Your RS well-demonstrated the 'systematic' nature of your research which I think made it quite strong (something I do not believe I achieved). As for your actual story, I enjoyed the way in which it was allusively bound to biblical terms/refs/mythos. Very impressive. I also liked the way in which Lucifer was also placed in parallel beside 'man' himself (and not some much through the placement of his soul in a mortal body, but by the whole experience of his condition; e.g. "gates of the garden" as a (presupposed) allusion to Eden). Interesting shift in Satan's character from that of Milton's epic as well (for example, from my reading of the first section of him, willingness to sacrifice his present pride for the potential of greater ultimate pride). I got a little lost when the "Lucifer/Lilith" sequencing was first broken; but it began and ended strongly, which is paramount to it's overall strength.

[alex.leon]

Originally Posted by zeppelinqueen12

Ekoolish:

Be proud, my friend, be extremely proud. Yours is the only Critical Response I have ever read that sustained my interest throughout the whole thing.

I think it was because, often, with CR's, the language is so overbearingly professional that my poor, imagination-oriented brain can't handle it. You wrote with flair, while making the language accessible.

I love Agatha Christie. I look forward to reading a next one with a degree of critical understanding!

"Through her characterisation she subverted the themes of global turbulence, agitation and measured violence in order to manufacture a completely adverse environment. Her fruition in relation to the minds of human beings allowed her to emulate contemporary crime novels before they were even conceptualised."

Well done.

Have to agree, it was great ekoolish! I'm literally using it for study notes - we're studying Possession by AS Byatt for Romanticism (kill. me.)

[Therewego]

hmm sorry to be ultra paranoid...but the school's centre number doesn't HAVE to be a 3 digit number yeah?

Its just that all the ones on here are 3 digit numbers, and our school told us a 5 digit number...there hasn't been a mistake has there?


I'm just being an idiot aren't I...

[diametric]

I believe the SCHOOL number is a 5 digit number, which is distinct from the CENTRE number, which is a three digit number (though I'm not sure if its ONLY a three digit number, I'm assuming they'd prolly foray into four digit realm as well, but I doubt 5).

Might wanna give BoS a ring, or ask your school again.

[diametric]

Originally Posted by Empyrean444

Your RS well-demonstrated the 'systematic' nature of your research which I think made it quite strong (something I do not believe I achieved). As for your actual story, I enjoyed the way in which it was allusively bound to biblical terms/refs/mythos. Very impressive. I also liked the way in which Lucifer was also placed in parallel beside 'man' himself (and not some much through the placement of his soul in a mortal body, but by the whole experience of his condition; e.g. "gates of the garden" as a (presupposed) allusion to Eden). Interesting shift in Satan's character from that of Milton's epic as well (for example, from my reading of the first section of him, willingness to sacrifice his present pride for the potential of greater ultimate pride). I got a little lost when the "Lucifer/Lilith" sequencing was first broken; but it began and ended strongly, which is paramount to it's overall strength.

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment!

I feel slightly reassured that they wont take a single look at my RS, and say, "E3E3E3."

With the incorporation of biblical/mythical allusions, I wanted to do more, to really bring it in line with Romanticism/Modernism, but I didn't really have the time. So once again, happy to hear that what's there is effectual. Yeah, with Lucifer, I really wanted to do a complete role reversal of his role in literature and in religion - I wanted the reader to sympathise him, and I hope why I wanted to do that comes through in the RS.

Yeah, lots of people told me the scene cuts were a bit confusing, and it was a lot worse beforehand, I think I fixed it to an extent where it's more of, "Ah, so that's what happened," as you got into the future sequence, as opposed to, "wtf?"

Thanks for the feedback. You should post up yours. You were writing an epic/long poem, yea?

[Therewego]

Originally Posted by diametric

I believe the SCHOOL number is a 5 digit number, which is distinct from the CENTRE number, which is a three digit number (though I'm not sure if its ONLY a three digit number, I'm assuming they'd prolly foray into four digit realm as well, but I doubt 5).

Might wanna give BoS a ring, or ask your school again.

holy jumpin f$%kin s#$tballs :S

so if my school sent all ours in with the school number where the centre numbers should be what would happen??!!

ahh crap...

[diametric]

Well, from memory, the centre number was supposed to go on the front cover of your work, and the school and centre number on the forms that the BoS handed out.

If you're worried, just let your school know, and they'll ring the BoS to clarify/sort it out. It's not that a big of a problem.

[5233andy]

Originally Posted by diametric

I believe the SCHOOL number is a 5 digit number, which is distinct from the CENTRE number, which is a three digit number (though I'm not sure if its ONLY a three digit number, I'm assuming they'd prolly foray into four digit realm as well, but I doubt 5).

Might wanna give BoS a ring, or ask your school again.

I was actually confused about this as well. My school provided us with a five-digit number. However, from past experiences, I thought that it was a three-digit one.

Nonetheless, I have my trust in them.

[Clifford]

Originally Posted by diametric

when you have the time, could you have a read through mine, clifford? id really like your take on it.

Firstly, thank god I didn't read it last night, because to be honest, I rather struggled to get my head around it. I could give you the notes I wrote while I read it, but looking back after reading your reflection they seem rather pale. To be completely truthful, much of what you were trying to execute was lost on me. However the reflection statement really was beautifully written and thought provoking. Whereas I found much of the story too convoluted (I think, despite what you said in your reflection, you had too many characters for a poor little reader to keep up with - as Kurt Vonnegut says, pity the reader) the reflection was crystal clear, and it was actually that not the story that made me think about the idea of salvation and Lucifer.

Thinking about the actual ideas of your work, rather than the story itself, I find myself facing a simple answer. It said in your reflection statement that you're religious, I'm actively not. Maybe in that sense, the work couldn't have as much an impact on me, as to me Satan is merely another over-simplified opposition against an over-simplified God, and the idea of his salvation was not abhorrent or strange to me.

Reading your reflection, with the idea of assimilating moderinism and romanticism to create postmoderism, really is ambitious and interesting. I don't know whether you are more a creative writer or a critical one, but your reflection had a great style and was genuinly engaging. I would like to know what you thought happened to Lucifer; did he deserve salavation?

If it's any consolation to me not understanding your work, I am familiar with the ideas surrounding Paradise Lost, but I've never read beyond the first couple of pages. Also, I had never heard of Lilith or that dimension before, so perhaps the allusions went over my head. That being said, the Blake poem and Twain quote were aptly placed and, especially Twain's got me thinking. I've also shamelessly stolen that Blake poem and might use it as a related... I'm a bastard...

By the way, the graphic child killing and boob descriptions - ' her breasts threatening to escape their scarlet prison' were super distracting. The whole concept and idea however, really is very... confronting and I think it would be brilliant discussion/exposition fodder.

Sorry if I missed the point entirely!

[Clifford]

Wow, just read the other half (experience/innocence) of that Blake poem - very, very interesting! Did you read both? I think it compliments your text in a strange way...

[accio.brain]

Originally Posted by six demon bag

I'm a little bit into your's accio and it's beautifully written. It's so descriptive and lovely. I like the Bright Eyes reference too I love how it keeps coming back to quotes too - it works so well. I actually can't stop reading - this is beautiful. you show the characters' emotions so well.
"This house is my father’s and my father is this house." I love that. I love the recurring "dark red curls". Flows beautifully - I kepp using that word! I couldn't stop reading it - i just finished then. I love how subtly but effectivley you expressed the message. The whole story was just wonderful - I loved it. I think you'll get fantastic marks - you deserve them!

I haven't read your reflection statement yet, but I will have by Tuesday - I'll feedback you on that too

Your story is wonderful.

aw, thank you!
thanks for taking the time to read through it all