Need feedback on motorcycle diaries essay (1 Viewer)

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hi i'd appreciate it if someone could give me feedback on my comparative essay on Motorcycle diaries, im doing advanced and my aos is discovery.

Travelling outside the world that is known and familiar to us by venturing in to worlds that are unknown and confronting has the potential to offer a person new understandings about themselves and others. When we engage with fresh, meaningful discoveries it can alter the way we percieve the world and others around us, which can potentially lead to strong, emotional revelations. Ernesto Che Guevera's 'coming of age' memoir, 'The Motorcycle Diaries' immerses the reader through his vicarious, detailed travels across Latin America beyond his native home of Argentina. A combination of informative and idealistic revelations derive from Guevera's search for new worlds and landscapes which challenges the reader's understanding of his changing perspectives in society through personal interactions. ( you don't need these last tow sentences, just outline your two main arguments) Likewise, in reflecting upon his childhood tendency to wander from home and explore, the speaker in Philip Nikolayev's poem, 'Tendency towards Vagrancy' makes emotional discoveries that enable him to arrive at a new more mature perspective of his interesting childhood in a Soviet background. Both texts reveal that our instinct to adventure and discover the places that is encompassed around us can prompt to re-evaluate our attitudes to allow us to have a fresher individual understanding of ourselves and the process that shapes us into who we are now. (This introduction is far too long! You need to shorten it)
Overcoming challenges on a long distance journey provides opportunities to participate in exploits that change our world views and has the power to transform someone irrevocably. Guevera's memoir begins with a reflection on his anecdotes and stories throughout 9 months as a young, irresponsible, adventurous individual that embarks on a youthful, voyage of discovery across Latin America He notes that 'The person who wrote these notes passed away the moment' he returned to his native 'Argentine soil' at the conclusion of his travels. The metaphor establishes the notion of the transformation that he underwent as a result of his discoveries on his journey. The older,wiser framing narrator indicates the journal as "rewritten by Ernesto himself as a narrative" preparing for elements of Bildungroman as the memoir unfolds through the shift of subjective to objective language with the narrator acknowledging the confronting and provovcative nature of discovery that will be experienced. Through this process of retrospection, Guervera comes to the intensely meaningful epiphany that 'All this wandering around' around Latin America "changed me more than I thought". Through the life changing experiences of his youthful adventures, a more experienced Guevera outlines how he has better understood the person he has become from 'the man I used to be'.
Guevera reveals his discovery of his love and passion for the beauty of nature that surrounds him, which begins play a significant role in his life as he embarks on his journey to explore and discover the unique aspects of Latin America.Guevera personifies the ocean as his 'confidant' that will never reveal his secrets. His effective use of imagery personifies, "the moon silhouetted against the sea" highlighting Guevera's way of engagement to the audience through his contemplatve tone. As his travels ensues he shares his geographical knowledge of the physical Latin American landscape with descriptive passages that open a new chapter or discovery in his travels such as "seven lakes roads" describing the different sized lakes encompassed by the beautiful,alluring forest that encompasses it with a personified "scent of wilderness caressing the nostrils." Guevera importantly states that travelling at a "tranquil pace" allows for a deeper and enriching glimpse of the surroundings which assists in discovering the true essence of the terrain. Guevera's encounter with these physical discoveries has empowered him to discover at a spiritual level with him stating, true understanding requires time to stop and experience the spirituality of the site. Furthermore, through encouters on his travels he discovers the hospitality and friendly nature of the people in Latin American society. He welcomes interaction as an effective means to learn more about himself and others around him. A major turning point in the memior is when their motorcycle, La Poderesa, breaks down, for this reason both Guevera and Granado are forced to work odd jobs to earn money for food and travel. In one instance, Guevera illegaly boards a ship and is fearful of a hostile reaction with the sailors but instead is recieved well due to his medical qualifications." Doing humble labour work of peeling potatoes and cleaning the ship deck provides Guevera with a glimpse of realism and simple joy in the realities of their everyday life. Guevera reflects on his shared moments with Granado and the other sailors "leaning side by side on the railing" looking out to the sea. Through this Guevera discovers the simple joy of camaraderie and a deeper intellectual appreication of the natural world.
(Tell me what he discovers as aresult of this experience - doesn't he discover a desire to work towards a more egalitarian society afte rhis experience of meeting the poor and disenfranchised people of Chile?) Although Guevera encounters spiritually enriching and friendly experiences on his Latin America journey, he confronts an unpleasant finding in his travels with an encounter of a severly ill, wizened old woman he recounts in his vignette "la gioconda's smile." Guevera acknowledges the significance of this confrontation stating, "We had come to a new phase in our adventure" with both Guevera and Alberto being physically transformed from their former "arisotcratic selves" into "just two hitchhikers with backpacks". Yes, but how did this change his view of the world? He becomes empatheitc towards the poor in south America, how does he promote his agenda in his story?) After coming to terms with his emotional farewell of "La Poderesa",it leaves him emotionally vulnerable allowing him to feel a deep empathy understanding and appreciating the strength and pride of the woman "wheezing and panting, but facing life with dignity". Observing the surroundings in the woman's home of "the acrid smell of concentrated sweat and dirty feet" along with "the mixed dust from a couple of arm chairs, the only luxury items of her home.", Guevera comes to the realisation of the horrid living conditions and the poverty with the people living in La Gioconda as well as other places in Latin America. (Good, but you could say this in a more concise way) Guevera uses his medical knowledge from his university education to identify the political and economical "injustice of a system" seeing a woman reduced to a "condition" of "complete powerlessness". At the time, Guevera believes his unable to do "much for the sick woman". However with his newfound realisations, the vignette "the san pablo leper colony", Guevera dedicates himself to helping those who suffer from the most debilitating of physical diseases, despite the pointlessness of his efforts. His experiences in the colony foreshadows his actions that he will undertake later in life in the "noble cause" of ridding 'Latin America' of diseases. Guevera proclaims modestly in his "saint gueveras day" toast that he would not be capable of arriving at this new understanding of himself and others in the world had he not ventured beyond the single 'page' of his homeland through his physical journey across Latin America.
Similarly, the speaker in Philip Nikolayev's poem 'Tendency toward Vagrancy' shows the importance of traversing to make fresh and intensely meaningful discoveries. In this poem the adult speaker reflects on growing up in the Soviet Union in the 1970s, realising that his 'tendency toward vagrancy' as a four year old was as much a product of his feelings of imprisonment as it was a result of his desire for adventure. Like Guevera, who pursues the thrill of adventure and merges himself in the world around him to relieve the pressure of medical exams and the tediousness of being at home, the child in Nikolayev's poem escapes frequently to avoid a life of being in a 'temporary house' and 'cholera epidemics' living in Moldova. It is evident as the poems tone transitions from cheerful and exciting to distessful as the speaker recalls with is bad tendency to run away from home. Although at the beginning, Nikolayev expresses the jovially innocent and thrilling 'trolleybus number 10" ride acoss Kishinev with his friend Boris, 'catching frogs to take home in a glass jar', 'wonder the banks' and 'splash in the artificial lake'. The poet uses childish, buoyant action verbs such as 'catching','wonder' and 'splashing' to indicate the strong boyish and youthful desire to explore.
The mood of the poem yet again gradually changes negatively when the boys discover a man selling guns at the 'local flea market'. The enjoyable ,entertaining adventure transitions to a confronting, potentially dangerous situation. This is an important, significant point in the poem as it exposes the speaker's maturing perspective of the life he lives in imprisoned in a society where childhood innocence is not available. This discovery is further reinforced by the miserable image of the boy's mother crying in the background of the setting sun as he recalls returning home. The symbolic end to the long day of adventure, tinged with sadness acts as a reminder of the child's captivity for both the speaker and responder. Nikolayev reveals the emotional revelation that is made evidently and unmistakedly clear as he admits to not understanding 'back then' 'how alienated one can be from the start','how a poet can harm his mother'. He finally mentions, 'in the grips of that greatest paradox of all..a happy soviet childhood'. The speaker as a result of travelling and encountering various aspects of life around him, has developed a greater understanding into how his youth has shaped his present self. These revelations are similar to those of Guevera who also functions as the frame narrator, in Motorcycle Diaries. For both composers, fresh and intensely meaningful discoveries have provided a new, more mature outlook on life, what the motivation that lays behind it and it's impact on others. (Nice link between the texts.)
Ultimately, it is undeniable from an examination of Guevera's The Motorcycle Diaries and Nikolayev's, 'A Tendency towards Vagrancy' that discoveries and the process of discovering can precipitate new emotional and intellectual understandings about ourselves and our world. Whether they result in a negative transformation or a positive one, the traveller will always be affected profoundly and irreversibly by their journey into the world.
 

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