Guys I hate to say it but can someone look at one para of my essay (1 Viewer)

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Hey everyone,

as we all know half yearlys are nigh.
argh.

But my teacher for some reason doesn't want to look at my business essay practice, not even a paragraph.

Which is kinda frustrating when u want to try.

I just want to know if I have the correct style of writing, sentence structure and essay structure. Last time we did a report and I ran out of time.

HELPPPP anyone that's done business studies
 

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