Absolutely Desperate! Creative Writing Help! (1 Viewer)

help_me_please

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Hey guys!
I was just wondering if you can give me your opinion on this short story i've written??

i need as much help as i can get so if you have any ideas on how to make it better- let me know!!

thanks heaps in advance
 

mattsta

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Not sure.

I mean for it to get a band 5 it has to be stand out. I personally would have put more emotion into it.

You have to remember that the markers read hundreds of these per day and chances are you won't be the first on the pile nor will you be last. You will probably be read after lots of others have been read and your story needs to stand out.

The narrative is fine, you just need to add more energy and emotion to it.
 

help_me_please

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how can i add emotion/energy to it? can you give examples?

anyone else have any feedback?
 

mattsta

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Ill tell you what I used to do. I used to get pretty good marks for creative writing (althought cant say much for the other sections)...

Pick a topic that you're really passionate about and write about it.

In one of my trial exams last year I wrote about the Israeli / Palestinian issue. Now how the hell is that a journey? Well, I personified myself as a teenage settler with two parents who were settlers (and no I am absolutely not related to any of that situation). I wrote about the gut wrenching emotions that I had personally seen on the news and pretty much made them a part of the personality of the persona.

Are you really interested in broadway?

You can find a journey in almost anything. Pick something (real life) that you're passionate about and make a narrative around it.

Be easy on yourself. You can actually personalise something that is going on around the world. Maybe you could write a story about being in Southern Beruit during the Israeli / Lebanese war that just happened, and write about your escape. I am not saying you should write about this specific topic, but I am sure there is some world event which you know quite a bit about which you could write about. The more extreme, the more gut wrenching, the better - that is what sticks out.

Oh and one last thing: Stay away from LOVE STORIES... they're boring and teachers (aka markers) hate them.

Oh and your english teacher is still your english teacher until you sign out. So write a story, and take it into her/him tomorrow to have a look at. If your teacher is away, take it to another.
 
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duong

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my teacher said its better to write a story with a deeper meaning to it and that it would be good if it was meataphorical is that true ???
 

Dr_Doom

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Yes but be sure you illustrate it well, because the examiners won't have time to do an in depth analysis of your story.
 

help_me_please

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ok - i kinda understand you may think its a little boring, but i can't really improve if thats all you say...
thanks so much for all your help so far guys - esp mattsta
i've come up with another idea - a girl getting hit by a car and the impact it has on her parents, what do you think?
 

nwatts

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cliche

try the girl gets hit by a rouge gopher and the impact it has on the talking wildlife community
 

Mrs.McDreamy

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it has no 'wow factor' as my teachers call it. You need to grab the readers attention in the first few lines, even if it doesn't have much to do with the story, say something dramatic.
 

Dr_Doom

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Here's one I made up before.

"I felt my journey coming to an end, the journey of my life."
 

help_me_please

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k - thanks...
i didn't want it to be cliched and i heard that markers mark you better if they're learning something... now this may be my nerdiness coming out, but what about if i did something like this:

---

“101010110001010101010101”

“What? Speak in ASCII.”

“You’re going to have to send it again”

“You have got to be kidding me!”

“The binary was all wrong. Our protocols determine that we’re set at odd parity – if you send something to me with even parity, what do you expect?”

I sigh and send the packet of data again. Being the central processor of a computer etc....

----

lol... does this have the wow factor? or should i go along with the crazy gopher idea??
 

Dr_Doom

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help_me_please said:
k - thanks...
i didn't want it to be cliched and i heard that markers mark you better if they're learning something... now this may be my nerdiness coming out, but what about if i did something like this:

---

“101010110001010101010101”

“What? Speak in ASCII.”

“You’re going to have to send it again”

“You have got to be kidding me!”

“The binary was all wrong. Our protocols determine that we’re set at odd parity – if you send something to me with even parity, what do you expect?”

I sigh and send the packet of data again. Being the central processor of a computer etc....

----

lol... does this have the wow factor? or should i go along with the crazy gopher idea??
lol yeah but it will be 'Wow, I don't understand anything'.. I should know what that means since I do SD :| lucky I did 12 units :p

Go crazy gopher idea :p

Or better yet, you could be a person who has no purpose in life so he goes on a journey to find purpose only to realize that the journey was on was his purpose so now he travels for a living. ;)
 

help_me_please

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Dr_Doom said:
Or better yet, you could be a person who has no purpose in life so he goes on a journey to find purpose only to realize that the journey was on was his purpose so now he travels for a living. ;)
...like a flight attendant?
 

NueContura

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I would just like to let you all know that with the unfortunate worldwide explosion of what i will refer to as ''emo-ism'' , teachers and the BOS markers will mark harshly any composition that is based around teen angst and such....

So i suggest miss, that u pick something like the crazy gopher story. Upbeat stories of perseverance often work well.......But make them a compelling read by not focusing so much on how difficult everything, but how amazingly the person (or gopher) get through such situations.......

i posted my creative writing story (14/15) on here at BOS.......but they've yet to clear it n make it available for download.....

anyways....hope there is some help in all that babbling i just did....

peace
Nue Contura
 

Dr_Doom

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NueContura said:
I would just like to let you all know that with the unfortunate worldwide explosion of what i will refer to as ''emo-ism'' , teachers and the BOS markers will mark harshly any composition that is based around teen angst and such....

So i suggest miss, that u pick something like the crazy gopher story. Upbeat stories of perseverance often work well.......But make them a compelling read by not focusing so much on how difficult everything, but how amazingly the person (or gopher) get through such situations.......

i posted my creative writing story (14/15) on here at BOS.......but they've yet to clear it n make it available for download.....

anyways....hope there is some help in all that babbling i just did....

peace
Nue Contura
Can you attach it to your post?
 

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