Belonging Creative:- Is this a narrative or not? (1 Viewer)

dragon_rider

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Hey people. I wrote this random creative and handed it in to my teacher, and she wrote on my paper "You have some great ideas here but this is not a narrative":rolleyes:
Personally i believe that anything which is fiction is a narrative or creative writing. But read it through and reply.
What do you think?

To me life is like walking through a forest: dangerous, unpredictable and amazing. It’s difficult in simple terms. A perilous day awaits every corner you turn. What I’ve found most frightening of all the difficulties I’ve been acquainted with so far was making friends, allies, enemies… With every friend you make a group of enemies tag along. They insult every move you make, laugh at every error you make and assault your mentality with every thought you think. You may not have the heart to despise them back but they are like the obstacles you face while trekking through a forest. The vines wrapping around your ankles, the invisible spider webs you walk into and the humid weather which clings to your skin. At times I wonder if I’m walking through the same forest as Eragon or Harry Potter, maybe I’d bump into them, if it weren’t for the obstacles which lead me.
Is it my fault that I enjoy the company of those who are more like me or those I connect with most or even those who aren’t judgmental of the way a person should be? Have you ever felt as if every eye in the room was on you? That’s why I hate to be late. People stare at you, their thoughts are shared, it glows in their eyes. ‘Where is she going to sit?’ Where you are going to sit determines who your friends are, who your enemies are and, who you are. Then all that runs through your mind is ‘Which path should I take, the path with creepers or the one with quicksand?’ It’s the same everywhere you go, whether its school, religious gatherings or parties, you are judged.
Of all the people and animals I’ve met in this forest, I’ve only met one inhabitant who is just like me, my conscience, though I debate with her a lot, we seem to always come to a conclusion. Although not always is that conclusion a good one. At times I wonder, what if there weren’t any vines in my life, but then I realize that vines are the only artistic wonders I can draw. We need these vines because at the end we can only find two things. A bright light, a connection, our aim or desire in life or another obstacle we must overcome. Usually if it’s an obstacle it just means we live longer as we have yet to find that true meaning of life, but don’t take my word for it, I wouldn’t know about the bright light. I may have only met with it briefly, at intervals in this vast forest which I believe to be sharing with the heroic Eragon and almighty Harry Potter.
I’d perhaps like to blame others of the things I’ve missed out doing in life so far. I keep being told, ‘it’s not too late to start now’, but I believe for some things it is. Shyness overcomes me of I wish to stand out in life, join others I don’t know to do what I do best. Instead I stand out, do what I do best in the privacy of my own little crevice in a rock I found in this vast forest I call life. Fearing to climb the tree, to see and to be seen by the rest of the inhabitants of this world is another thing I seem to do best. The limelight has always tempted and scared me. It looks down at me as if to say, ‘you don’t deserve to be here, you’re not good enough to be here, you will never fit in my light. It’ll either be too small for you to get in or too big for you to stand in alone. Why are you even looking at me, your eyes will get sore, keep to you crevice.’
Truth is, I’m just scared, and making enemies seems to be so easy, especially for those in the limelight. They pretend to be always there for you, be your friend, ‘keep your friends close but, keep your enemies closer’ end up being their personal favourite quote. They use you, manipulate you and then push you off the canopy, and continue climbing up through the clouds. Fear, it holds everyone back, at least once in their lives. Most people seem to be able to defeat it. Both Eragon and Harry Potter did, but are they really the best role models? After all in my mind they seem to be the most real and best role models in the world, but in truth they are really just characters in a fiction. Though I will always deny saying that, I will always know I have said it, without meaning. Have you ever felt that fear just pulls you back? It pulls so hard, it makes it difficult to climb the tree or cross the stream. Even though you want to be there so bad, you just can’t seem to be able to find that one aspect within you. That one aspect, that would in time conquer your fear.
Even though it doesn’t seem that way, but I feel as if I’m meant to be in this forest. This is my forest, I know because it seems that these obstacles were meant for me… They were meant to teach me, help me learn and correct me. Everyone in this world, every living creature in this world has their own life; they may just refer to it differently to me. Some may relate it to a desert, some to the deepest oceans and some to forests like I. It seems at times that I may have to step out of this forest, it scares me. In brings my inner feelings out and attempts to destroy me at every obstacle. It doesn’t frequently give me happiness like it does to others, or so it seems. I used to think as a child, ‘this forest has everything I really need, and I really don’t face any hardships’ but now it seems to have changed. It seems to have grown older along with me. The deeper I step into it the older and angrier it gets. Sometimes I tinker with my thoughts and wonder, ‘do I really feel that connection, or am I somewhere I am not meant to be?’ But the tight string that ties me to this forest never loosens and thus soothes me.
I look up; the canopy looms over me, no sky, no sunlight, no silver lining… How big is this forest? Why does it take so long to find an opening in the trees? Do I really want to find the end of this forest? I mean, it’s beautiful, I love it in here; it is so just difficult to get through. I only want to once again meet with happiness, briefly; I know it won’t last forever. It never does, that’s the beauty of it; we learn to cherish it. Some meet with it more often than others, and thus forget to cherish the moment. I sometimes catch my reflection in the stream and ask myself, ‘Is there really still time?’ I see a river and ponder, ‘If I follow this river, I’ll eventually find my way to the ocean and thus be free; I’ll be out of this forest, forever,’ but instead… I cross the river. Despite the troubles in life it isn’t that bad, people have struggled to get through much worse forests than I. I have never felt true hate, even for my enemies, but nor have I seemed to have experienced true love. Can I, should I…really leave? I don’t think so. I love my friends, my allies and those who believe me to be their enemy. It would be a shame to leave them all behind. People sing about how bad their lives have been, some write autobiographies and there are even movies of bad life experiences. But that’s exactly what they are experiences… Why take the shortcut, why follow the river, why commit suicide? Take the long way, cross the river, it makes life more interesting. It gives the forest more depth. One thing I’ve learnt after all this incoherent babbling and all these moronic paragraphs is live life as it is. Don’t think about how you wish it were. The moves you make are yours, you make the decisions, YOU shape your life. It doesn’t shape you. Shape life the way you wish it were. You make the sky, you make the sunlight, you… make the silver lining. It’s your destiny. Just remember one thing, true friends never leave your side.
 

Aerath

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Yeah, it's a really good narrative, mind you.

But don't forget Creative Writing can be in different forms as well, just like an essay. Feature articles, diary entries etc etc
 
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Actually, it's not a narrative, Aerath.

It's just a flow of consciousness, reflecting on the past without saying anything in particular. dragon rider, you need to add interactions. There is no plot, and that is why you don't have a narrative. It's pretty, but it's not a story.

The thing is, you vaguely talk about multiple plots, but you don't give anything concrete on any of them.
 

alex.leon

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Well, it's not really a narrative in BOS terms.

However, I think you can get away with next to anything. I wrote prose poetry for my Belonging creative in the actual HSC, convinced myself (afterwards!) that it was stupid and risky, and managed to get a pretty awesome Adv English mark (95).

Don't worry about your teacher, they always just happen to err on the conservative side because it's the safest.

Having said that, your narrative needs revision. I think in an exam it would be mind-numbingly boring to a marker who has already been through 100+ creatives. Less self-reflection, more actuation should do the trick. It's very philosophical, but markers brush that off as teenage waffle. Always.
 

The Big Q

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Hi Dragon Rider,

First of all, your teacher is right - it is not a narrative. A narrative tells a story, and, as has already been mentioned, this is a stream of consciousness - this sort of thing has to be ASTOUNDING to receive marks - and yours isn't (no offense intended, you write quite well).

One of the things you are marked on in the HSC creative response is form. If it asks for a speech, make sure you write a speech (greeting, introduction, body, conclusion), if you asked for a short story the structure should be orientation, complication, series of events, climax, resolution. Ideally there should be some kind of conflict (either internal or external) and the protagonist should experience some kind of change - to start something, end something, learn something, etc. - obviously there are variations, and the odd risk taker who proves to be the exception...but they are few and far between. The biggest mistake most students make is to write a recount (just a series of events - BORING!) - so at least you're not doing that!

What you have written is often termed by the markers as a 'Ralph Mellish' story (google it) - there is lots of writting, but nothing actually happens - and when we come across these, even the best written pieces of literature can only score 75%.

I have plenty of notes if you need more help, but I hope this is a good start.
 

dragon_rider

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hey
thanks for the feedback
i'll reflect on it

Just one thing
I LOVED creative writing BEFORE i started Belonging
now i'm brain dead:angry:
i'ts annoying to think about a plot in belonging
journeys are much easier

Although i guess i could still find more ideas somewhere in this small brain of mine

thanks for the replies
 

Aerath

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Actually, it's not a narrative, Aerath.

It's just a flow of consciousness, reflecting on the past without saying anything in particular. dragon rider, you need to add interactions. There is no plot, and that is why you don't have a narrative. It's pretty, but it's not a story.
Hmmm, true. My bad.

But I think you'd be able to get away with it in the HSC....my story was fairly stream of consciousness-like, and I ended up doing fairly well in the creative section of the HSC (that being said, the HSC question for 2009 asked for 'an imaginative piece', so I guess that's why I got away with it).

2008 asked for 'a piece of writing' (which was either a memoir, a story or diary entry - all three of which stream of consciousness are acceptable?).

So I'm thinking perhaps that writing in stream of consciousness (particularly for belonging is fine).

Thoughts?

But scaredytiger and alex.leon are absolutely correct, it's not a narrative so much as stream of consciousness.
 

Milo496

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Yeah, im gonna have to admit that scaredytiger too, its more an analysis of ur self really.....

Actually, it's not a narrative, Aerath.

It's just a flow of consciousness, reflecting on the past without saying anything in particular. dragon rider, you need to add interactions. There is no plot, and that is why you don't have a narrative. It's pretty, but it's not a story.

The thing is, you vaguely talk about multiple plots, but you don't give anything concrete on any of them.
 
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hey
thanks for the feedback
i'll reflect on it

Just one thing
I LOVED creative writing BEFORE i started Belonging
now i'm brain dead:angry:
i'ts annoying to think about a plot in belonging
journeys are much easier

Although i guess i could still find more ideas somewhere in this small brain of mine

thanks for the replies
Try to have more than one person in your story. It forces you to ground your writing into real moments. Which is what engages your audience.

It's actually really hard to (skillfully) convey meaningful interactions with inanimate objects. You need a strong, unique voice.
 

Trans4M

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i did a similar thing too and didnt get a good mark. I was told that i was writing a monologue so maybe i should consider being a drama student... lol
 

Johnny Isotopes

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Agree'd. You may consider yourself a genius (dont we all) but the basic rules are always good to go through. Remember, believe it or not, the markers dont want a 'brand new form of writing.' You will get good marks doing what your told, and doing it damn well. An exposition, a complication etc. All these things are what help in the creation of a narrative.
 

dragon_rider

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im not a genius
i know that
i just find that the normal series of events>plot>conclusion thing a little
boring
oh well
i guess i could spin something
 

Johnny Isotopes

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Yeh, there are various ways to spin things. Change around the timing, whatever. Trust me i am as tempted as you to write a piece that I feel is excellent. However it just seems that the markers are to ordinary to appreciate these things. They are old, out-dated. I am sure the first Shakespeare works were widely criticised and ostricised, but over time they were realised to be amazing. Wait till after the HSC to achieve this greatness.
 
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No, actually, it isn't just that. You are inexperienced writers. You haven't got the basics down. After you understand how to make a normal story work, you move on to experiments.
 

Trans4M

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also my teacher says that you should write with integrity that is writing something within your sphere. Try to not write outside of what you know like a prisoner or something as it can get too cliched. You haven't experienced it before so you can't express it greatly. Lots of people in my school lost marks due to this as it eventually became a too cliched story
 

alex.leon

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Yeh, there are various ways to spin things. Change around the timing, whatever. Trust me i am as tempted as you to write a piece that I feel is excellent. However it just seems that the markers are to ordinary to appreciate these things. They are old, out-dated. I am sure the first Shakespeare works were widely criticised and ostricised, but over time they were realised to be amazing. Wait till after the HSC to achieve this greatness.
I'm of the opinon this viewpoint is a little pessimistic. There are definitely some boundaries you have in the HSC context- but if you write something completely outstanding, yet it breaks the conventions of normality depended on by the markers- you'll still get a good mark at the end of the day. It's about appearing unique yet letting the marker feel a sense of familiarity. I 'risked' alot with all the creative parts of my HSC (Adv English & Ext 1 creatives, and Ext 2)- I did alot of 'don'ts'- but like I said- if you craft something that you know you'll pull off, and write with confidence and an understanding of the reader- you can do alot.

It's just noone ever puts that much effort into the creative side of these things!
 

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