grovy_girl11000
Member
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2005
- Messages
- 33
- Gender
- Female
- HSC
- 2006
Hi, I have been asked to write a monlogue about an a character going on an imaginative journey which reflects one of the stimulus texts. I chose to incorporate the ivory trail. Would anyone please be able to read my draft and tell me what you think ? Your comments would be much appreciated 
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And suddenly it was dark. But as quickly as it came the darkness broke, as if it was only a delusion of my disorientated mind. Without warning my world is enveloped in a mass of gleaming gold; cascading through the darkness suddenly and shockingly like pillars of life. And with a jarring clash of brightness the gold begins to fade; dwindling down to a lighter brown and suddenly I find myself beneath the harsh desert sun; floating above an ocean of soft boundless sand. But before I even begin to absorb my fascinating surroundings, the ripples come to a starling halt; as I am hauled in-front of a mass of dazzling gold yet again; only this time in the form of colossal pyramids scattered like a range of mountains across the Egyptian valley. The great Sphinx stands before me; beaming with newness, its nose still intact, proudly and erectly guarding the Giza plateau beyond. I stare in awe as flashes of turquoise, ruby and silver pass me by, glimmering brightly on the elaborate jewellery of the Egyptian women wafting past; who in their floaty white dresses resembled exotic goddesses. The mighty Nile flows strongly in the backdrop, its papyrus weeds wavering against the hot desert breeze. In the valley, agile labourers work away strenuously to build the resting place of the king and further on nobles strut through the majestic temples obediently followed by duets of scribes with papyrus in hand.
The murmur of religious chanting draws me nearby to the western valley where an ornate gilded coffin lies atop a boat-shaped sled, pulled by a solemn faced cortege;
accompanying the dead on his final journey. I gasp in astonishment as a transparent soul appears beside the coffin & curiously drift after it; dissolving into the entrance of a rock-cut tomb. Instantly, I’m lurched into the dangerous, twisting landscape of the netherworld the Hall of judgement gleams into site, where Osiris is sitting supremely on his throne as the jackal-headed Anubis leads the souls to their final judgement on the scale of truth. Isis, Horus and Seth sail past in the sacred barque of Ra, gallantly defending the yolk-yellow sun disc from the serpent monster thrashing at the boats edges. I thrust myself into the barque & as it drifts into the light I am launched back into the Theban valley. The sky dims rapidly as flocks of bird-winged souls soar out from their tombs, beginning their voyage to Osirian paradise. the shadow creeps across the horizon more and more rapidly as the sun descends beneath the pyramids casting out a captivating red glow and plunging lower & lower & deeper and deeper, until the aridity vanished with a blaring SPLASH and I was no longer in the Egyptian desert but plunging into the depths of the sky-blue ocean swimming freely through the watery void as starfish and seahorses dance by my side.
My heart races as I reach the alluring site of an extravagant coral palace studded with champagne pearls. Mermaids with tails in exuberant shades of turquoise & magenta flood out from the rose gold gates. Eager to meet the graceful figures I swim further down, only to meet the horrifying sharp teeth of a hammerhead shark. Overcome with panic, I soar through the water, the shark hot on my trail as I manoeuvre my legs with all my might, catching sight of land overhead I swim rapidly upwards, reaching my arm up in desperation. I swim further and further and faster and faster, the tips of my fingers reaching out to touch the shore then SWOOSH!!!
The blast of warm air hits my face and I’m no longer in the depths of the sea but riding on top of a flying carpet. I soar through the spellbinding Arabian sky, peering down at the ornate gold adorned minarets below; their blue faience shafts glistening against the suns rays. Out on a balcony a genie emerges as a slender maiden rubs against a bronze lamp; I swoop past the temples & mosques casting bold shadows against the dreamy red-orange sky. I scream in shock (which soon fades) as a handsome prince emerges beside me, melting my heart melting with his mesmerising smile. But in a flash his jet-black tresses and mocha skin hideously transforms into the blood-red pupils of a wicked sorcerer, a shrill laugh escaping his face as with a wave of his cobra staff he sends me flying off the carpet’s edge and plunging into oblivion. Darkness encircles me as I rapidly descend downwards; falling deeper, deeper, faster, faster, lower, darker then BANG!!
The darkness broke. My eyes snap open as I came face to face with the gleaming poster of the sphinx besotted on my bedroom wall, my heart still palpitating with fear. I breathe a sigh of relief, gratified to still be lying in the safety of my bed and roll back into the warm depth of my covers as the darkness sets in again.
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And suddenly it was dark. But as quickly as it came the darkness broke, as if it was only a delusion of my disorientated mind. Without warning my world is enveloped in a mass of gleaming gold; cascading through the darkness suddenly and shockingly like pillars of life. And with a jarring clash of brightness the gold begins to fade; dwindling down to a lighter brown and suddenly I find myself beneath the harsh desert sun; floating above an ocean of soft boundless sand. But before I even begin to absorb my fascinating surroundings, the ripples come to a starling halt; as I am hauled in-front of a mass of dazzling gold yet again; only this time in the form of colossal pyramids scattered like a range of mountains across the Egyptian valley. The great Sphinx stands before me; beaming with newness, its nose still intact, proudly and erectly guarding the Giza plateau beyond. I stare in awe as flashes of turquoise, ruby and silver pass me by, glimmering brightly on the elaborate jewellery of the Egyptian women wafting past; who in their floaty white dresses resembled exotic goddesses. The mighty Nile flows strongly in the backdrop, its papyrus weeds wavering against the hot desert breeze. In the valley, agile labourers work away strenuously to build the resting place of the king and further on nobles strut through the majestic temples obediently followed by duets of scribes with papyrus in hand.
The murmur of religious chanting draws me nearby to the western valley where an ornate gilded coffin lies atop a boat-shaped sled, pulled by a solemn faced cortege;
accompanying the dead on his final journey. I gasp in astonishment as a transparent soul appears beside the coffin & curiously drift after it; dissolving into the entrance of a rock-cut tomb. Instantly, I’m lurched into the dangerous, twisting landscape of the netherworld the Hall of judgement gleams into site, where Osiris is sitting supremely on his throne as the jackal-headed Anubis leads the souls to their final judgement on the scale of truth. Isis, Horus and Seth sail past in the sacred barque of Ra, gallantly defending the yolk-yellow sun disc from the serpent monster thrashing at the boats edges. I thrust myself into the barque & as it drifts into the light I am launched back into the Theban valley. The sky dims rapidly as flocks of bird-winged souls soar out from their tombs, beginning their voyage to Osirian paradise. the shadow creeps across the horizon more and more rapidly as the sun descends beneath the pyramids casting out a captivating red glow and plunging lower & lower & deeper and deeper, until the aridity vanished with a blaring SPLASH and I was no longer in the Egyptian desert but plunging into the depths of the sky-blue ocean swimming freely through the watery void as starfish and seahorses dance by my side.
My heart races as I reach the alluring site of an extravagant coral palace studded with champagne pearls. Mermaids with tails in exuberant shades of turquoise & magenta flood out from the rose gold gates. Eager to meet the graceful figures I swim further down, only to meet the horrifying sharp teeth of a hammerhead shark. Overcome with panic, I soar through the water, the shark hot on my trail as I manoeuvre my legs with all my might, catching sight of land overhead I swim rapidly upwards, reaching my arm up in desperation. I swim further and further and faster and faster, the tips of my fingers reaching out to touch the shore then SWOOSH!!!
The blast of warm air hits my face and I’m no longer in the depths of the sea but riding on top of a flying carpet. I soar through the spellbinding Arabian sky, peering down at the ornate gold adorned minarets below; their blue faience shafts glistening against the suns rays. Out on a balcony a genie emerges as a slender maiden rubs against a bronze lamp; I swoop past the temples & mosques casting bold shadows against the dreamy red-orange sky. I scream in shock (which soon fades) as a handsome prince emerges beside me, melting my heart melting with his mesmerising smile. But in a flash his jet-black tresses and mocha skin hideously transforms into the blood-red pupils of a wicked sorcerer, a shrill laugh escaping his face as with a wave of his cobra staff he sends me flying off the carpet’s edge and plunging into oblivion. Darkness encircles me as I rapidly descend downwards; falling deeper, deeper, faster, faster, lower, darker then BANG!!
The darkness broke. My eyes snap open as I came face to face with the gleaming poster of the sphinx besotted on my bedroom wall, my heart still palpitating with fear. I breathe a sigh of relief, gratified to still be lying in the safety of my bed and roll back into the warm depth of my covers as the darkness sets in again.