Could anyone give me any feedback on my The Crucible essay? (1 Viewer)

[skrunkl_e]

Hi all, I'm in a pretty desperate situation right now for my essay. English has always been my weak spot and my exam's on next Monday and I haven't even started memorising yet since I had to fix it! Any feedback is appreciated. Thank you very much.

 

[Study to success]

well by skimming this u haven't really being addressing the question. I mean I don't do this text but I would try adding the key words in the question throughout ur essay especially ur thesis and topic sentences. Also since this is a " to extent" question u need to make a judgement throughout the whole essay like 'crucible has effectively exposed the fragility...'

 

[Hehehe22]

Hi! I studied The Crucible for the 2025 HSC. Reading through your essay, here are some points that immediately jumped out to me:

• You clearly know your stuff, and your use of key terminology relevant to the text is great
• Your choice of evidence could be better, but overall, the quotes and analyses do contribute to your ideas and drive their smooth progression throughout each paragraph. Your analysis of quotes is complex and insightful, showing deep engagement with the text. This is especially evident in your first paragraph
• You're using a great structure for your essay. It's excellent that you start each paragraph with a point related to the form of the text.

However, there are some major things you need to consider:

• As Study to success said, you're answering the question in your thesis, but then you kind of slip into generic paragraphs for the rest of the essay. Although it's a basic question and you're implicitly answering it, make sure to scatter some short phrases or words from the question throughout the essay, especially in your topic and linking sentences. This ensures that the marker can tell that you're really answering the question, which is super important as there's currently a crackdown on the regurgitation of memorised essays
• Your essay is quite wordy and sometimes repetitive. Your ideas seem to be blurring together between paragraphs, and it almost feels like every paragraph is revolving around a similar point, "the corruption of integrity", due to wording. I can tell that you do actually have multiple distinct points, but you really need to make these distinctions more obvious. It could help to just write the topic sentence for each of the paragraphs, and write something similar in the intro, because that's where you lay out each of your points to revisit and expand on later. Overall, your essay could benefit from some tightening - try reading it aloud and seeing where you could improve your expression

You're doing well! Keep it up