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help please! (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter kaylz
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absolution*
ymyum
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- 2004
“A journey is not so much about where you go but what occurs along the way.”
How have composers used texts to explore the importance of the journeying process?
Essentially, texts are concerned with representing the concept of the journey and focus on the changes along the way, the lessons that can be drawn from the experience and the understanding gained from the journey.
[*Snores*. You have to grab the markers attention. You have to differentiate yourself from the rest]
The imaginative journey is a form of journey that takes place in ones own mind; the events that unfold are a product of the imagination. An imaginative journey can also be the application of the imagination to aspects of a physical journey. The imaginative journey is limited only by our human concepts of possibility and can be equally as rewarding and enlightening an experience as a physical journey.
[Too much talk of physical journeys. You dont have the time/words to do this. Work on your definition or alternatively steal one fromt he resources section]
The imaginative journey is rewarding in the way that understanding may be gained through independent thought or reveries, or by participating imaginatively in a text, as the composer would have intended.
The journey allows the responder to gain further knowledge or experience along the way, the importance of which can be fully understood in hindsight.
[This part is good. I would cut out the previous section as this seems to say the same things. Try not to repeat yourself, you dnt have the time/words.]
The following texts are primarily concerned with representing the concept of journeying:
• The Town Where Time Stands Still by Professor Shirley Geok-lin Lim
(Text 7, Board of Studies Stimulus Booklet) Lim
• This Lime Tree Bower My Prison by Samuel Taylor Coleridge Lime
• Kubla Khan by Samuel Taylor Coleridge
• The Pilgrim’s Progress by John Bunyan
[I wouldnt recommend doing dot-point. Write the texts as sentences when you introduce them. An adjective helps when defining each]
The rest of the essay seems to muddled. The teacher no doubt feels the same way although the concepts you express arent too bad. I would try to work on my paragraph structure
http://www.boredofstudies.org/community/showthread.php?t=15021
and also your essay structure..
http://www.boredofstudies.org/community/showthread.php?t=44611
and http://www.boredofstudies.org/community/showthread.php?t=55990
How have composers used texts to explore the importance of the journeying process?
Essentially, texts are concerned with representing the concept of the journey and focus on the changes along the way, the lessons that can be drawn from the experience and the understanding gained from the journey.
[*Snores*. You have to grab the markers attention. You have to differentiate yourself from the rest]
The imaginative journey is a form of journey that takes place in ones own mind; the events that unfold are a product of the imagination. An imaginative journey can also be the application of the imagination to aspects of a physical journey. The imaginative journey is limited only by our human concepts of possibility and can be equally as rewarding and enlightening an experience as a physical journey.
[Too much talk of physical journeys. You dont have the time/words to do this. Work on your definition or alternatively steal one fromt he resources section]
The imaginative journey is rewarding in the way that understanding may be gained through independent thought or reveries, or by participating imaginatively in a text, as the composer would have intended.
The journey allows the responder to gain further knowledge or experience along the way, the importance of which can be fully understood in hindsight.
[This part is good. I would cut out the previous section as this seems to say the same things. Try not to repeat yourself, you dnt have the time/words.]
The following texts are primarily concerned with representing the concept of journeying:
• The Town Where Time Stands Still by Professor Shirley Geok-lin Lim
(Text 7, Board of Studies Stimulus Booklet) Lim
• This Lime Tree Bower My Prison by Samuel Taylor Coleridge Lime
• Kubla Khan by Samuel Taylor Coleridge
• The Pilgrim’s Progress by John Bunyan
[I wouldnt recommend doing dot-point. Write the texts as sentences when you introduce them. An adjective helps when defining each]
The rest of the essay seems to muddled. The teacher no doubt feels the same way although the concepts you express arent too bad. I would try to work on my paragraph structure
http://www.boredofstudies.org/community/showthread.php?t=15021
and also your essay structure..
http://www.boredofstudies.org/community/showthread.php?t=44611
and http://www.boredofstudies.org/community/showthread.php?t=55990
lol i know it's muddled, i absolutely choked when it came to it so i did repeat myself ... a lotabsolution*
ymyum
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Heh, your language is also quite simplistic, i would try working on my vocab a little. A few big words here and there, when used correctly, go a long way... esp if your structure is sound. Otherwise i think youre on the right track. Good luck
beccaxx
surprised things change
spend more time expanding ur paragraphs, jst looking at it those paragraphs r not sufficient enuf 4 a good advanced english essay.
it seemed really jumpy to me, didnt flow. try not to use point form at all in ur essay, use a bit more sophisticated language, this will help it stand out a bit more. at the moment it seems like an OK standard essay.
ur conclusion could be a lot longer, try and wrap up ur different points alot better.
hav another go with the same essay, jst have about 3 points and use ur texts to support the argument, dont just analyse the texts: analyse the question and use the text to support ur arguments not visa versa.
ur gonna b fine. it just takes practice and u wont improve if u keep doin rush efforts or late night attempts.
(hope this didnt sound harsh, it wasnt meant to b)
it seemed really jumpy to me, didnt flow. try not to use point form at all in ur essay, use a bit more sophisticated language, this will help it stand out a bit more. at the moment it seems like an OK standard essay.
ur conclusion could be a lot longer, try and wrap up ur different points alot better.
hav another go with the same essay, jst have about 3 points and use ur texts to support the argument, dont just analyse the texts: analyse the question and use the text to support ur arguments not visa versa.
- start studying some more sophisticated words to throw in
- try to syncronise ur ideas more, ie- dont b so jumpy, and try and get it flowing.
- try not to be so repetitive
- dont stress! when i stress i realise my ideas fly out the window and then i keep sayin the same thing over and over again
ur gonna b fine. it just takes practice and u wont improve if u keep doin rush efforts or late night attempts.
(hope this didnt sound harsh, it wasnt meant to b)
absolution*
ymyum
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beccaxx said:
you are such an e-bully.