wow, imaginative.
to be honest, all your ideas seem like year 9-10 ideas.
bear with me, however.
the HSC loves when you bring in elements of analogy, dystopia and perspective.
you need to tweak things. create perspective. if you have someone who is handicapped verbally, or mentally, for example: use 3rd person.
but verbal handicaps arent always due to autism, or anything wrong with the person themselves. maybe circumstance plays a part.
subtle analogies work.
bad analogies will not.
dystopia is something you might want to read up on.
if you want to do well, you should read.
find classic books - austen, orwell, dickens, tolstoy, etc.
you are allowed to be influenced. you are supposed to be influenced.