Something to add-
when you're writing in a specific genre it's a good idea to read books of a similar genre to gain a feel for what you should be doing. Read other transformations- note the detail, transition, flow, pace, etc etc.
In terms of plot, your story seems to me a bit too predictable, or perhaps you want to jazz it up a bit using fragmentation. I'm also not really 'feeling' anything, as if you flow from one thing to another. This is ok but not if all 'events' feel the same- which they do. Give each one a different flavour.
Writing in first person allows you to use introspection to gain an inisight about what you/your character is feeling, thinking. Use this! I want to get inside your head. Tell me something about how your characters feels, reacts. Look at your tone- it's very accepting, naive. It can be this way, but do you want it to be? Is this how your character is emotionally? How does she feel towards her mother? Is she emotionally quiet? Is she raging inside? Does she hate her mother, or have pity for her?
Look at where your storyline is going. Are you going into detail about any specific events? I'm not seeing much of this although sometimes it's done specifically for specific reasons (if you are doing this make sure you have reasons for doing so- don't do without thinking!
). Where is your story going? Where are the important parts? Are there any minor details you feel are very important? Details, details. Preliminary studies- chronological order of events. You don't have to write down everything you know about your character and the story, just what you feel is relevant- however this will become a lot easier when YOU know every inch of the story.
Keep writing!
