my story (1 Viewer)

[kooltrainer]

The day was the fourth of April. Ken Emerson packed his diminutive luggage full of old clothes and a rigged yellowing photo. He was worn out when he arrived at the bus stop after countless pushes he made to his wheelchair, desperately forcing his way with his luggage on his lap. Ken was embarking on his second trip to Queensland- the place where he used to cherish his times with his beloved family, his homeland. The bus arrived and the bus driver hastily pulled out a ramp to accompany Ken. Ken was compelled to plaster a fake smile on his face knowing it would be impolite not to. He was not completely incapacitated; he can still get on a bus or two. Ken thought to himself, quadriplegics would have much better self esteem if the society hadn’t treat them like a four year old kid.

Upon arriving to the train station, numerous people stood waiting to aboard the countrylink express. Like always, some would leave space for the handicapped to aboard first, while others would grin with impatience at the congestion. Ken preferred neither. He preferred to be normal like everyone else, being able to compete for the best seats on the train. As he boarded the train, he can sense surrounding eyes looking at him. He tried to move faster to prevent any delays but confined by his physical limitations. He seated in solitude as the cracking voice from the speaker filled the train. “Passengers, the train will depart shortly. It will arrive in cairns at five. Please remain …” cupping his hand around his lips, he stared at his plastered leg through the reflection of the window…


This is my introductory paragraph, suggestion to improve it?
feedback would be appreciated

 

[Undermyskin]

Um, haven't finished because can't stand the parody to "Whose life is it anyway?". It's good anyway. I think your appropriation is cool as the whole thing sounds smooth. Hang on, I think it's some sort of homework yo u need to do...Um, creative writing using the characters is Whose..., eh?

I actually expected something escaping from the tedious study routine and stuff. Anyway, keep it up.

 

[kooltrainer]

may i ask, which part sounds like "whose life is it anyways"

 

[Undermyskin]

The first one: Ken Emerson: Just a different last name from Ken Harrison.

Then the "quadriplegic": Ken Harrison is a quadriplegic patient.

If you don't write this story based on the play then I'm sorry and I have to admit it's such a shocking coincidence. Anyway, I'm not criticizing or anything. I just say it's somewhat involved in Whose life is it anyway?. Very objectively.

 

[kooltrainer]

oh .. okay .. maybe i should change his name =D
would it be better? what name should i use.. hm..

 

[Undermyskin]

First name Kool
Last name Trainer
I suppose.