dealing with overbearing parents (1 Viewer)

[throwra]

umm so ill just preface this by saying im asian...so hopefully people know where im coming from now (no pun intended).. i go to a top 10 selective school and im wobbling between average/slightly above average for all my subjects so im pretty sure i can achieve a 93+ atar easily (with the rate that im currently studying at and the subjects im taking) for pharmacy at usyd. today i accidentally left my rank slip (for term 4 last year y12 tests) on my table and my dad saw them but i honestly think my ranks last year weren't even that horrible...i was never below average and for 3u maths and adv english i was decently above. he still yelled at me and said i should work harder and all that jazz tho...but he's not the type of parent that wants me to get 1st or 2nd, he just wants me to get at least top 25 so i can "have more opportunities for uni and find a good job" etc etc..

i see where he's coming from but idk how to make him understand that selective school kids r already in our own "bubble" compared to the rest of the state and it's not that hard to get an above 90 atar for normal uni courses and if u just push urself a bit more u can easily get into the hard ones like law and med and stuff. but im not interested in any of that and i only need 93+ atar for usyd pharm and i think its very achievable for me with my current ranks and work ethic but i think he just doesn't understand and thinks im gonna get like sub 80 or something..

 

[thetestdude]

Have you tried explaining your point of view to your dad and the fact that your current ranks/marks can guarantee you the ATAR you need for USyd pharm??

 

[idkkdi]

umm so ill just preface this by saying im asian...so hopefully people know where im coming from now (no pun intended).. i go to a top 10 selective school and im wobbling between average/slightly above average for all my subjects so im pretty sure i can achieve a 93+ atar easily (with the rate that im currently studying at and the subjects im taking) for pharmacy at usyd. today i accidentally left my rank slip (for term 4 last year y12 tests) on my table and my dad saw them but i honestly think my ranks last year weren't even that horrible...i was never below average and for 3u maths and adv english i was decently above. he still yelled at me and said i should work harder and all that jazz tho...but he's not the type of parent that wants me to get 1st or 2nd, he just wants me to get at least top 25 so i can "have more opportunities for uni and find a good job" etc etc..

i see where he's coming from but idk how to make him understand that selective school kids r already in our own "bubble" compared to the rest of the state and it's not that hard to get an above 90 atar for normal uni courses and if u just push urself a bit more u can easily get into the hard ones like law and med and stuff. but im not interested in any of that and i only need 93+ atar for usyd pharm and i think its very achievable for me with my current ranks and work ethic but i think he just doesn't understand and thinks im gonna get like sub 80 or something..

if u push urself a bit more u can easily get into "med" is bullsht lol.

otherwise, i think you're going to have a tough time convincing your parents especially if they're not the most educated or logical lol.

 

[idekkedi]

if u push urself a bit more u can easily get into "med" is bullsht lol.

otherwise, i think you're going to have a tough time convincing your parents especially if they're not the most educated or logical lol.

Don't listen to the troll - this is not something to be 'lol'ing about.

 

[throwra]

Have you tried explaining your point of view to your dad and the fact that your current ranks/marks can guarantee you the ATAR you need for USyd pharm??

well i don't think he likes the idea of me settling on only one course and making my atar goal revolve around that one thing when maybe i could do better if i aimed for something that required a higher atar but i think this is my peak...idk if i can get much better than average

and idk i've never really tried to explain how i feel about things to him before like ever in my life cuz i guess there's sorta a stigma (?) in asian culture to just "take it" from ur parents and not argue back/it's also hard to talk about ur feelings with them

 

[throwra]

if u push urself a bit more u can easily get into "med" is bullsht lol.

otherwise, i think you're going to have a tough time convincing your parents especially if they're not the most educated or logical lol.

i couldnt think of any other hard courses so i just word vomited med umm i guess you need to push urself a bit more than just a bit for med

they are both, i think they just dont have much experience with australias education system and dont rly realise

 

[Squar3root]

try explaining ur 2nd paragraph to him and see how that goes? and when has questions, address them appropriately. If it's just disbelief or comments of ignorance, explain to him that this is not the rice farms of shanghai

 

[thetestdude]

well i don't think he likes the idea of me settling on only one course and making my atar goal revolve around that one thing when maybe i could do better if i aimed for something that required a higher atar but i think this is my peak...idk if i can get much better than average

A 93 ATAR actually creates a lot of opportunities in addition to the course you're interested in. Anything beyond that would be for really tough courses like med, or purely for prestige which shouldn't be the main focus.

and idk i've never really tried to explain how i feel about things to him before like ever in my life cuz i guess there's sorta a stigma (?) in asian culture to just "take it" from ur parents and not argue back/it's also hard to talk about ur feelings with them

I guess a good way to address this issue would be to have someone from your school (like a teacher) thoroughly explain your situation to your dad and hopefully you and your dad could reach some sort of agreement?

Being from a different background makes it harder for me to help since I mostly can't relate but perhaps adopting a rational approach instead of an emotional one as mentioned above could help clear things for your dad.

 

[idkkdi]

i couldnt think of any other hard courses so i just word vomited med umm i guess you need to push urself a bit more than just a bit for med

they are both, i think they just dont have much experience with australias education system and dont rly realise

tbh, it would be very hard getting your parents to believe just how stupid australia as a whole is.

so good luck with that lol. perhaps aim higher than 93?

 

[quickoats]

Don't listen to the troll - this is not something to be 'lol'ing about.

who's alt is this?

 

[Drongoski]

try explaining ur 2nd paragraph to him and see how that goes? and when has questions, address them appropriately. If it's just disbelief or comments of ignorance, explain to him that this is not the rice farms of shanghai

There are no "rice farms in Shanghai". It is a city of over 20 million; land too expensive for rice farming.

 

[Squar3root]

There are no "rice farms in Shanghai". It is a city of over 20 million; land too expensive for rice farming.

Yeah i get that, I was being racist

 

[Eagle Mum]

It’s difficult. Aspirational attitudes centred on academic achievement are so strongly built into some Asian cultures, it’s accepted and expected by many and propagated to their offspring without questioning, but it’s wrong for any parent to yell at their child for not achieving better grades. A lot of these parents probably have sacrificed much time & money (I’m generalising) so the achievement of good grades and eventually a good career by their offspring is like a return on their investment, but they should respect the autonomy of their child. Whilst living under their roof, it’s hard to avoid the conflict between these views, but it won’t be that long before you’ll be independent.

Whilst I’m impressed that you have it all worked out about the ATAR you need to get into your course of preference, since the end of Yr 12 is not that far away, why not just put in that bit of effort and really master the subjects you’re doing? Not so much for your parents but for yourself. Knowledge & understanding are never wasted.

I hope you don’t read this post wrongly. I’m not trying to tell you what to do as a parent, but rather as someone who’s been in your position. This phase of life will pass. Hang in there for now.

As a parent, I still value academia, but I try to encourage & support rather than demand, and always respect the autonomy of everyone.

ETA, in contrast to our experiences, I married someone who was the first in his extended family to attend Uni. His parents thought he was a 'snob' to aspire to a white collar career and did not support him. He moved out & worked over a dozen different jobs (often three jobs at a time) to support himself through Uni. I'm fortunate that I had the opportunity to meet someone who had a diametrically opposite upbringing as it showed that there isn't just one way to achieve and possibly the optimum situation is for individuals to set their own goals to work towards (as you have) and parents to support it (I'm sorry if you don't have this, but hope that sympathy, empathy & feedback from the other side of the tunnel will help a little).

 

[idkkdi]

who's alt is this?

I reckon @Directrix

 

[thetestdude]

I reckon @Directrix

Has to be Directrix. Same style lol

 

[_rakelt]

Heya! My friend achieved an atar of 89.05. We went to a school ranked #120~. She got into pharmacy&management at Usyd on the first round of offers at the end of 2019. Hope this makes you feel better! <3

 

[thisname]

not sure if you've worked this out yet
im also asian and my parents are a bit more forgiving - you should tell your parents about the extra points schemes that some unis have - im not too sure about usyd but -
tell them there is really no point in achieving an extremely high atar when you only require a 93
Having "more choice" doesnt really matter if youve already decided on what you wanted to do - also, there are SO MANY pathways in uni to transfer to the course you want - the atar isnt the end all.
I also go to a top 10 selective school and i am literally in the middle of my cohort in maths - but i was told that is enough to get a band 6. That really changed my perspective.

also the "find a good job bit" - having good grades only will not get you a job - its more the people you know than what you know
so maybe tell them that eq is just as important as iq - being ranked first in your year or getting an atar of 99.95 will not automatically get you a good job.

An important thing to note is everything kinda dissolves in uni - it doesnt matter if u went to a public school and got an atar of 90 or a selective school with an atar of 98 youre both gonna be in the same engineering/commerce/science course

also the problem seems to be that he cant think you can achieve the 93 atar - maybe tell him the average atar in ur school or check hsc ninja to see how many people get band 6/5 in ur school
having all band 6/5 in ur subjects should be enough to be 90+ try telling him that.

sorry if this is incoherent or hard to follow bcs im brain dumping everything ive thought about this topic, feel free to ask me if u have any qs!

 

[Squar3root]

not sure if you've worked this out yet
im also asian and my parents are a bit more forgiving - you should tell your parents about the extra points schemes that some unis have - im not too sure about usyd but -
tell them there is really no point in achieving an extremely high atar when you only require a 93
Having "more choice" doesnt really matter if youve already decided on what you wanted to do - also, there are SO MANY pathways in uni to transfer to the course you want - the atar isnt the end all.
I also go to a top 10 selective school and i am literally in the middle of my cohort in maths - but i was told that is enough to get a band 6. That really changed my perspective.

also the "find a good job bit" - having good grades only will not get you a job - its more the people you know than what you know
so maybe tell them that eq is just as important as iq - being ranked first in your year or getting an atar of 99.95 will not automatically get you a good job.

An important thing to note is everything kinda dissolves in uni - it doesnt matter if u went to a public school and got an atar of 90 or a selective school with an atar of 98 youre both gonna be in the same engineering/commerce/science course

also the problem seems to be that he cant think you can achieve the 93 atar - maybe tell him the average atar in ur school or check hsc ninja to see how many people get band 6/5 in ur school
having all band 6/5 in ur subjects should be enough to be 90+ try telling him that.

sorry if this is incoherent or hard to follow bcs im brain dumping everything ive thought about this topic, feel free to ask me if u have any qs!

+1 this

and no one cares once u get to uni. I went to a rank 600+ school and im still sitting in the same class as someone who went to james ruse with 99 atar

 

[idkkdi]

+1 this

and no one cares once u get to uni. I went to a rank 600+ school and im still sitting in the same class as someone who went to james ruse with 99 atar

is 600+ the hood?

 

[tito981]

are there even 600 schools in nsw