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Any Asian girls whose parents are against them dating "Westerners"? (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Cykologi_gal
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PrettyVacant
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My parents do not have any place in my love life...at all.
PrettyVacant
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Hehe, I meant that they had no INPUT in whom I chose to go out with. This can be a good or bad thing. I always go for the wrong kinds of guys.
Nakashima
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I never thought we were talking about mainland Chinese guys. When your parents said they want you to find a Chinese husband, they didn't seriously mean going back to China?!Cykologi_gal said:
I agree that traditional Chinese views on marriage and family are pretty unbearable for people like us. But you do realise that there are Asian guys who were born and raised in Australia, right? There are so many who are just as "westernised" as you are.
OK that's a bit ridiculous. You obviously haven't been exposed to many males in your life.Cykologi_gal said:
You're the one raising your kids. Not your parents. So if your parents have put you under immense amounts of pressure during school, it's likely that you'll remember to loosen up a bit with YOUR kids because you know from your experience that it's not a good approach.Cykologi_gal said:
Cykologi_gal
Psyche...
Yeah, my parents, well, my mum mostly, would like me to go back there for further study in Psychology etc...she kept saying how there are "Westerners" there as well - who can understand the Chinese/Asian culture and can prolly speak Mandarin as well.
There's a change in her attitude, you see, since I last posted. She "allows" Westerners now, but Chinese/Asians still rule; she wouldn't want to sit in front of my b.f. and smile stupidly while he rambles on in English lol.
I'm so afraid. My current b.f. has the olden-days view of China as well, like me. He knows a lot about Chinese families, but only from what I've told him and what he's seen, which's been quite strict and rigid etc etc, so he doesn't understand China as well lol...man...Some education is needed for us both. Yet when I get my degrees done and honours achieved, my parents would have nothing to say about my choices, because to them, one can see everything and everyone 100% clear when they do psych - so not true, but I'm counting on it that they keep that view, so I can get what I want lol...
There's a change in her attitude, you see, since I last posted. She "allows" Westerners now, but Chinese/Asians still rule; she wouldn't want to sit in front of my b.f. and smile stupidly while he rambles on in English lol.
I'm so afraid. My current b.f. has the olden-days view of China as well, like me. He knows a lot about Chinese families, but only from what I've told him and what he's seen, which's been quite strict and rigid etc etc, so he doesn't understand China as well lol...man...Some education is needed for us both. Yet when I get my degrees done and honours achieved, my parents would have nothing to say about my choices, because to them, one can see everything and everyone 100% clear when they do psych - so not true, but I'm counting on it that they keep that view, so I can get what I want lol...
Well im a chinese and so are my parents and the way they fink of it if i date someone other than chinese is a disgrace to the family. Like i had a viet girl pretty close friends and my parents said all the relatives will just laugh at you in shame if i dated her. Its like our standards are higher. And they think all western people just think about how to live and spend the money today but not tomorrow whereas chinese people try to save every penny for their future generation etc. And its pretty hard for them to get along with the parents since most cant speak english at all. and its pretty must racism as well. They want you to be with your own kind such as chinese marry chinese Aussie marry Aussie. It happens in society for who hangs around who. For me most of my friends are chinese even though we have another guy whose Afgan who hangs around us but majority of people would hang around their own kind
So if your parents disapprove of Australian culture so much, why did they come here?
I know, I know, because unlike the culture that they want to hold onto so fucking tightly, our society has opportunities for anyone to be financially prosperous.
I know, I know, because unlike the culture that they want to hold onto so fucking tightly, our society has opportunities for anyone to be financially prosperous.
Cykologi_gal
Psyche...
Egronk said:
Dad first came here in 1990 because both my parents felt that a 'wider' education, like, a second language especially English etc, would be beneficial for me. Dad first considered England, then the U.S. but didn't get accepted. It's also 'cos we neede money and there were offers in China for ppl to go to foreign countries to earn $$$. It's also because it's really difficult to get into uni in China because there's just too much competition and pressure (dense population), even though I'd only been 2. My uncle on my mum's side 'cursed' me, saying that my future'd be ruined 'cos he thought rules were really lax here. So dad put extra pressure on me to get into selective school and making me consider suicide in the process =S .
It's quite ironic, they knew they'd be takinga risk, tried to protect me from it (the 'openess' of the West), yet neglected me at the same time. Grades and studies are everything to them. They'd think I'd have everything if my grades are good - not so, I had to fight the emotional and mental battles all on my own. Because we're poor, even though we're here, it's a struggle, so their focus is to get me out of this hole. I understand that, but they're ignoring my emotional side. They've unintentionally opened up a whole new world for me.
They're like " 'grab' the 'good stuff', the values from the Australian culture and leave the 'liberating' stuff " - they saw how 'wild' and laidback Aussies can get and didn't want me to party, go out etc etc if my grades weren't up to standard...just to show the family back in China that I'm not rubbish, that their choice is correct. Yet at the end of the day, that's all over, I'm at USyd, I've a most perfect boyfriend who doesn't quite understand the Asian parents' toil either lol...it's my liberation, my life from now.
My b.f. doesn't get the fact that Chinese/Asian kids can be grateful to their parents even after the torture - I can, it's because after the Chinese/Asian kids of the traditional families earn big $$$ after everything they'd been thru, they'd think that's the only way. Not so!...but I won't be grateful, I'll give my parents what they've given me, as it is right-fit...because I've been fighting alone for too long. No one's seen me through it, except my b.f., but even he can be a little too harsh in being on my side.
P.S. Remind me to teach my b.f. Mando and the (new and updated) Chinese culture 'cos mum'd only accept Western guys if she can understand them and if he understands the Chinese culture etc lol. Man, I'm in such an inferno.
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haha.. almost exact same situation here, except my parents have never been crazy about my grades - although they're happy I made it to selective school and USyd etc, they were NEVER pressuring me too much about school performance - and I think that actually helped.Cykologi_gal said:
Oh, and I HAD an Aussie b/f, but I have a Korean one right now.