being nice V distant.. (1 Viewer)

[CoffeeBeans]

i dont get it...

wen im nice... guys say im leading them on wen i shoudnt
wen i act more distant... they say im a cold bitch

im not a player or nething.. i dont try to be.. so confused...


i dont get wat to do ><

plz help

thanks heaps

 

[TruthIsOutThere]

How do you mean by being nice? and what do you do to be distant?

 

[CoffeeBeans]

nice as in. just being caring and saying things a good friend would say to someone - e.g asking how r u and the convo goes from there...none of the dirty talking stuff or touching..


distant as in.... convos not too indept about personal things, kinda telling them to back off gently bc i have a bf and not to get so... close

 

[TruthIsOutThere]

Well. it is very normal for guys to be misled coz there's only one intention in their minds, which is to score with you, unless there is something about you that turns them off.

I guess guys arent used to people being nice to them as well. Males arent nice and caring to each other. When you distant yourself from them, they called you a bitch coz you have shown them that you are a nice person but now you're pulling back.

 

[thejosiekiller]

um well it depends on ur friends

some guys dont know how to be friends with a girl- its tough if uve been to an all guy school always or ur just a bit socially inept

as friends u want to be close to someone as mates, but when its a guy and a girl it can get confusing- u try and be straight forth and say u will only be friends and nothing more and ur insulting ur friend even though ur seeing someone else.

 

[neuro_logik]

When I am distant, girls become more attracted to me... but I am do dumb to notice.

 

[ogmzergrush]

Well. it is very normal for guys to be misled coz there's only one intention in their minds, which is to score with you, unless there is something about you that turns them off.

I call bullshit.

 

[truly-in-bliss]

well i knwo wot u mean.. cuz i am generally v nice to everyone, but i dont give the wrong hints.. this is how i do it:

- dont ever talk to/sms them with these words: babe, honey, xoxo

- if u think a guy is getting to close, ie: he is sorta asking ya out. just play dumb. so say if he asks u out to dinner, say u have got somehting on. Basically you are not leading him on by being his freind right? right.

- be conservative. just think him touching u or hugging is is NOT a sign of affection. If he spends more time with u it doesnt mean he likes u, it just means he wants to be freinds with u. He doesnt like u unless he tells u so, otherwise he is not intersted in somehting more than friendship. By having this mentality u maintain the friendship, without thinking too much or overanalysing anithing and everything.

- spread your time for everyon. dont just spend lots of time with one *friend*.. then of course he is gonna think ur hitting on him. spend time with ur other friends, preferably both sexes.

- drop subtle hints that ur not really itnersted in him as a bf. if u ever get asked these following questions..
*Q: u like anione atm? A: nah i like my life the way it is (it shows: u wanna be good friends, and ur happy with ur life)
*Q: what do u look for in a guy? A: say the honest truth. if the descrption sounds like him, then add this *i dont think i know anione like that atm, but yeah i am not really looking*
*Q: what about (insert guy's name)? do u think he is alright? A: this is a sensitive question for a guy, so just laugh it off and say somehting v trivial eg: i dont like his shoes, or i dont like his sideburns. ahah the general rule is that dont bitch. if u bitch abt someone, u are like giving away a *secret* and that makes the guy feel exclusive, ie: droping the wrong hints.

- someitmes they might ask u an awkard question but in a joking way, partly because they might be a lil shy partly because they are sorta trying to play safe themselves, so what you should do is answer it with a joke, dont take it seriously and literally. eg: Q: hey wanna go dinner on wed? A: i dunno, i might have to free up my calender u know. etc If he asks u again and say Q: seriously, u free tomoz night? A: if u think he is crossing the line a bit, then just say ur busy dong something. Remember, if u wanna go to dinner with him where its just 2 of u, then technically u are leading him on.

- be content with ur life. If ur a gal who is happy with her life, got lots of friends, got things u are always doing, then to be frank, u are less deserperate then gals who just want a bf to fulfill the emptiness in life. Be happy with urself = not desperate = i dont really need a bf = i just wanna be ur friend

now u might be thinking, everything i ahve said will all deny me the possibility of finding mister right. well let me tell u, if the guy likes u enough, he will ask u out or make a move, thatz when u have to decide for urself whether u like him or not as a bf. aniwayz i hold no responsibility for eveyrhting i ahve said, it's just a guide.

 

[thejosiekiller]

- if u think a guy is getting to close, ie: he is sorta asking ya out. just play dumb. so say if he asks u out to dinner, say u have got somehting on. Basically you are not leading him on by being his freind right? right.

- someitmes they might ask u an awkard question but in a joking way, partly because they might be a lil shy partly because they are sorta trying to play safe themselves, so what you should do is answer it with a joke, dont take it seriously and literally. eg: Q: hey wanna go dinner on wed? A: i dunno, i might have to free up my calender u know. etc If he asks u again and say Q: seriously, u free tomoz night? A: if u think he is crossing the line a bit, then just say ur busy dong something. Remember, if u wanna go to dinner with him where its just 2 of u, then technically u are leading him on.

the problem is that if he does ask u out u should not avoid the question or play dumb. he has asked u a serious question because he wants to be close to u and u should tell him what it is because if u do lead him on in anyway he will never truly be able to be ur friend again or to any girl

why should he if he becomes friends with someone and everytime they see to it by rejecting him in a really frustrating way- the longer the time u take to let him u know how everything is the worst. its like the band aid

RIGHT OFF!!!! yes the truth will hurt, but if u r a good friend u should be able to talk to him afterwards and who knows help him meet someone. you dont have to be very distant with some if ur afraid theyll get too close to u just as long as u take control and tell it the way it is

 

[pinkblinkbarbie]

the problem is that if he does ask u out u should not avoid the question or play dumb. he has asked u a serious question because he wants to be close to u and u should tell him what it is because if u do lead him on in anyway he will never truly be able to be ur friend again or to any girl

yeah i think that if a guy has asked you out, he has definently put a lot into it cause a lot of guys find it hard to ask a girl out right? so i would definently not recommend being cold and dancing around the question, it would probably be best to give him a direct answer.

but directly to your question...dont be distant in anyway cause guys would just get frustrated. it would be better if you were nice, and if they thought you were leading them on then simply tell them they are reading you wrong, unless your all over them and dropping hints or something cause then you would be leading them on

 

[thejosiekiller]

true u cant change who u r to satisfy other ppl- if they cant handle it then its their problem, but if u do want to be a good friend then take control like i said

 

[truly-in-bliss]

the problem is that if he does ask u out u should not avoid the question or play dumb. he has asked u a serious question because he wants to be close to u and u should tell him what it is because if u do lead him on in anyway he will never truly be able to be ur friend again or to any girl

why should he if he becomes friends with someone and everytime they see to it by rejecting him in a really frustrating way- the longer the time u take to let him u know how everything is the worst. its like the band aid

RIGHT OFF!!!! yes the truth will hurt, but if u r a good friend u should be able to talk to him afterwards and who knows help him meet someone. you dont have to be very distant with some if ur afraid theyll get too close to u just as long as u take control and tell it the way it is

that sounds nice and all, but in reality, most of the times, it's gonna be awkard afterwards. it's like although the truth is good, but soemtimes its better left unsaid. Guys dont want to feel like a complete idiot. So rather than telling them straight up, u should just do what i said and let them figure it out. cuz if u say something like.. i am not intersted in u as a bf and hence i dont want to go out to dinner with u, 2 things are gonna happen:

1. he is gonna say, *nah i am just asking u out as a friend, what did u think i was refering to?* then ur the one who will feel uncomfortable
2. he is gonna be so embarrased and humuliated. then its really good be awakrd.

unless he makes it blatant that he wants to get to know u more than a friend, then just play it safe.

 

[thejosiekiller]

ah that all depends- asking you out as a friend? sorry i dont buy that

yeah he will be embarrased/hurt or whatever but if u r a good friend u have to talk to the guy about it

just because u ask someone out u dont have to go out with them

i still think playing it safe (protecting urself) is going to leave him feeling lead on....if ur honest which is hard u still have the chance of being friends afterwards. but it all depends on ur friendship - leaving him to firgure things out will leave him bitter that he is alone while ur playing games

like i said if the friendship isnt that solid its all different, but if he is a good friend then u have to be honest- in the end the degree of ur friendship will see whether ur honest or whether u play it safe

 

[Agnes2810]

true u cant change who u r to satisfy other ppl- if they cant handle it then its their problem, but if u do want to be a good friend then take control like i said

yeah i no wot u mean.,. im usually nice to every one.. but if i really dont like a person, or they dont get the hint that im not interested.. i turn into a bitch.. its weird!

 

[OZGIRL86]

that sounds nice and all, but in reality, most of the times, it's gonna be awkard afterwards. it's like although the truth is good, but soemtimes its better left unsaid. Guys dont want to feel like a complete idiot. So rather than telling them straight up, u should just do what i said and let them figure it out. cuz if u say something like.. i am not intersted in u as a bf and hence i dont want to go out to dinner with u, 2 things are gonna happen:

1. he is gonna say, *nah i am just asking u out as a friend, what did u think i was refering to?* then ur the one who will feel uncomfortable
2. he is gonna be so embarrased and humuliated. then its really good be awakrd.

unless he makes it blatant that he wants to get to know u more than a friend, then just play it safe.

In most cases it will probably be awkward afterwards for a little while, but then the awkwardness will fade away.Being onest is important when It comes to this sorta stuff.

 

[OZGIRL86]

the problem is that if he does ask u out u should not avoid the question or play dumb. he has asked u a serious question because he wants to be close to u and u should tell him what it is because if u do lead him on in anyway he will never truly be able to be ur friend again or to any girl

why should he if he becomes friends with someone and everytime they see to it by rejecting him in a really frustrating way- the longer the time u take to let him u know how everything is the worst. its like the band aid

RIGHT OFF!!!! yes the truth will hurt, but if u r a good friend u should be able to talk to him afterwards and who knows help him meet someone. you dont have to be very distant with some if ur afraid theyll get too close to u just as long as u take control and tell it the way it is

yep I agree...
Don't avoid the question, its important for him to get a answer, don't brush him off by ignoring the question or playing dumb, plus if you play dumb it might just lead him on more and make him think you are interested in him.Plus his probably finally worked himself out to ask you out.

Yes the truth is always important, and it does hurt, but in the end, being lied to and lead on hurts more then the truth.

 

[truly-in-bliss]

ah that all depends- asking you out as a friend? sorry i dont buy that

yeah he will be embarrased/hurt or whatever but if u r a good friend u have to talk to the guy about it

just because u ask someone out u dont have to go out with them

i still think playing it safe (protecting urself) is going to leave him feeling lead on....if ur honest which is hard u still have the chance of being friends afterwards. but it all depends on ur friendship - leaving him to firgure things out will leave him bitter that he is alone while ur playing games

like i said if the friendship isnt that solid its all different, but if he is a good friend then u have to be honest- in the end the degree of ur friendship will see whether ur honest or whether u play it safe

of course. my guide was just for like hey bye sorta freinds, if u guys are good friends then its a completely diff story, plus if u guys are good freinds, then he prob will know u well enough to not accuse u of *leading him on*

another thing to note is that there is no point in pouring ur heart out to someone, who is just a hey and bye sorta freind, there is simply no need to tell him everything.

and as for the asking u out as a freind part, mani of my friends have experienced that.. beleive me, it's a common line pplz use to get out of sticky situation for themselves.

 

[lukebennett]

i know from a guys point of view that if a girl is too nice that it almost feels suffocating. it knida scares me off a bit. too many compliments and stuff get really uncomfortable. being distant isnt good either. finding a balance would be hard

 

[Dynamix]

there needs to be a subtle balance in the nice/distant nature of a girl- some guys, me included, find "nice" (read- bubbly, centre-of-attention types) quite intimidating, but others find the distant ones more unapproachable. As for the whole going out wit friends but no actually romantic date- done it, works a treat if the other person knows that you just want to be friends. Always make your intentions clear. I said in the playing hard to get thread, make things clear and there is no confusion, because honesty and openess is the best policy in my opinion.

 

[Cactus]

i dont get it...

wen im nice... guys say im leading them on wen i shoudnt
wen i act more distant... they say im a cold bitch

im not a player or nething.. i dont try to be.. so confused...


i dont get wat to do ><

plz help

thanks heaps

try being urself