Best+Worst of Teacher Quotes and Habits (4 Viewers)

[kara42]

Haha I was sitting with a teacher and a year 11 student the other day...

Student: I get my P's soon, sir!
Teacher: *something about staying off of the roads*
Student: I'm a good driver.
Teacher: Yeah, well now you can go visit your friend in Bundanoon, hey
Student: ...what?
Teacher: You know. What'd your friend call him? Your... BED BUDDY



The phone always rings in Food Tech and I always ask if I can answer it and the teacher always says no...
Then one time the five of us (students) were cooking at lunch time and the teacher was in the staffroom and the phone started ringing and I was like "SHIT YES" and I wanted to answer it but I didn't wanna get in trouble, so another student answered it and then on the other end was our teacher, who said "I thought Kara would have answered it. How's the cooking going?"

Yeah, probably more of a "had to be there" thing... it was really funny to us.



English teacher: I did this essay once. It was really good. Well, I thought so anyway. Then I handed it in for marking... the nun gave me 2 out of 20... I was devastated.



Same teacher ^: Men who are married live longer than men who are not. But an interesting fact is that women who are married don't live as long. ...Actually, I may have made that up."



Maths teacher: Work out the perimeter of this shape.
Student#1: I'm gonna work out the perimeter of your face.
Student#2: I'm gonna work out the perimeter of your mum.
Teacher: Awww, that's so cute.


EDIT: They're actually probably ALL more "had to be there" things.

 

[gcchick]

Haha oh in Year 8 PE, out teacher was discussing contraception with my class, not a smart move. He ws showing us a condom, diaphragm etc, then he showed us this weird contraption that is used to insert/remove a diaphragm, the name escapes me now though. Anyway, it looked like a duck's bill, but not until he said "oh, it looks like a duck's bill!" He then proceeded to make it quack like a duck...it still haunts me.

Ahhh, memories of high school.

 

[ibrian]

year 9 commerce teacher, telling us about mid term parent interviews

him: i'll be here from the start to the beginning
...
me: -_-

 

[nerd4lyf]

our teachers are currpt :S

dis guy goes

SIR YOU HAVE A SMALL DICK

teacher goes

ASK YOUR MUM

 

[tris123]

student welfare -
"im not here to help you seniors out, i'm here to service the young boys"

 

[tku336]

lol.

 

[The Vassallo]

student welfare -
"im not here to help you seniors out, i'm here to service the young boys"

hhahahhahahahahaah

 

[The Vassallo]

year 7 english teacher (at the commencement of every lesson):
AHH welcome to another day in paradise.



he then moved to my mates' school (all boys)
and still says it! HAHAHHA

 

[electrolysis]

Our chem teacher always makes some joke about some duck going into a bar... its got something to do with cations and anions, cant even remember it - it was that dry lol

 

[liingliing]

On the first day of Extension English in Year 11 doing the Appropriation unit...

Teacher flips through Wilde's "Picture of Dorian Gray" languidly

English Teacher: You can honestly open it and say "This book is just so gay"


The period before lunch on a hot January day...

Class restless and making unintelligible noise

Teacher: Gentlemen, I know it's your pre-feeding period but I just can not function under these conditions.

 

[liingliing]

my retail teacher did the whole parental countdown thing on us (you know the 3-2-1 thing) only she was like *in cambo accent* "thretwo ONE" we all cracked up laughing and then she did to, realising what she'd done, damn i feel sorry for her sons...

In an aside of a tangental spiel of askew randomness...

Your signiture's similar to one of my favourite quotes:

Dance as thought no one can see you
Sing as though no one can hear
Love as though you've never been hurt
Live as though there is no tomorrow

 

[iNerd]

lols my friend created a book on this at my school

20+ pages long
and were going to print
and sell it next year

just a few from the book...

1.
history teacher: when I become year advisor. I'm going to make a complaints box and every month pour out the contents, shred them. And make starfish movements among them.

2.
english teacher: i'd rather have a hairdryer in my eyes than read jane eye

3.
sub teacher: Oh yes, orgasms are very enjoyable, I have them quite often actually

4.
sub teacher: I love chemistry. It's sexy. I find it highly stimulating

5.
legal studies teacher: here's a crossword, and no. none of the answers are sex. (it was legal studies)

 

[possessionless]

my bio teacher once said:
"you're meant to blow not suck!"

everyone was like ummm okay!!

 

[iNerd]

BAHAHAHA! legal studies teachers are the worst...my legal teacher once saw a boy using white-out...he pushed the tables together so it was one long table, ran from one side of the room (i assumed pretending he was at the olympics) and table dived to the kid using the white-out...OMG MY CLASS WAS IN HYSTERICS! the sight of a middle-aged man RUNNING and LEAPING and then SLIDING along the table to the kid...

his favourite quote is "There are three types of people in this world..." the ending of that quote depends on what you've done wrong...

lols types of people in the world

ipt teacher: there are 10 types of people in the world, those that know binary and those that don't

 

[khorne]

Although not a teacher quote, still pretty funny:

This was during Ext 1 Maths, some other accelerant kid, meaning to ask what are all the letters on the calculator for, accidently asks: "What are all the numbers for?", He was prompty ushered out of the classroom, much to everyones hilarity.

 

[Ashlii]

Get wet

we were having an 'inspirational' talk in the hopes to get all the members of gold to get involved in the races at the swimming carnival, the older students were holding the meeting and talking when an overly enthusiastic teacher chimed in and said 'gold get wet'... or something along the lines of that
us older kids started pissing ourselves...
needless to say that became our slogan for the whole carnival
i dont know if its a be there moment but it was bloody hilarious!

 

[chistar]

If you don't do it right you will get it wrong

 

[jabbid111]

Last year, after reading some thing about pythagoras and that he was murdered in our text book, our teacher made our whole maths class face west and pray to pythagoras. so funny. Can't remember the exact words he used but it was one of the funiest things I have heard a teacher say.

 

[Rocket Rens]

We had a teacher who ate tomatoes RAW in class, It was a huge turn off while we were doing classwork.

 

[spyborg]

Teacher(spez): Turn to the last topic of the textbook.
*turns and sees the topic called 'space rocks'
Student: Why should I?
Teacher(spez): You never know it might just rock your world.