Best+Worst of Teacher Quotes and Habits (2 Viewers)

[HanT]

One time, back when i was doing engineering, our teacher was drawing an orange on the board for some reason.. He drew a circle, looked at it for a second, then goes "No wait, i'll draw it from the other side", rubbed out the circle, drew the exact same circle, then just went along with the lesson as though he didnt do anything stupid..

Needless to say, we all cracked up laughing and did nothing else that lesson

It was the same teacher that, when driving a minibus down to newcastle for the engineering excursion, hit a van and drove off.. When the owners drove up along side the bus they yelled out the window "You hit my van!". So, he wound up the window and drove off along a side street and lost the van

That reminds me of a friend's choir excursion, the driver (also the music teacher) wound up the (electric) windows, trapping a girl's hair in the window for a good 20 minutes before everyone else could stop laughing and tell him.

 

[toysoldier]

My teachers are CLASSICS, They say stuff like
"dont move TOO qucikly you might pull something"
"i dont need to be punished, i wore one up the backside yesterday"
Q. Mr (insert name) are u watching the midgets on the tv tonight" R. "i dont need to im watching them right now"

if not funny, u prob had to be there

and they also love to tell my classes about their love life, most entertaining.

 

[i-love-maynard]

lol my drama teacher encourages us to think of dead kittens, dead ponies etc for focus. i will never forget her sick, sick joke

teacher: whats the difference between a ferrari and 12 dead babies?
student: what?
teacher: i dont have a ferrari in my garage
class: *silence*
que laughter

 

[jason21]

Geography teacher: (this happens almost every single lesson)
"Which one's the play button?"

Geography Teacher:
"Different landmarks also promote tourism, such as the Tower of Pisa's affect on the tourism in France."

Physics' Teacher:
"The reason i wasn't at school the last two days was because my wife gave birth to our 2nd child. Anyway, back to science!!!!" (it's funny cus he didn't realise how abrupt and excited he was when he changed the subject)

Maths teacher:
"Like when you go to the 'picture house' (movies)"

Legal Studies teacher:
"Stop throwing projectiles!"

 

[mable]

during our school cert one of the examiners farted (very loudly) and when we all looked up she just stared at one of the girls as though it was her.. ah

Modern teacher: President T? T? T?...what was his name girls???
girl: Trotsky
Modern teacher: yes thats it...she wrote it on the board and was very confused when she turned around a little later realising she'd written US president Trotsky...ha
.............well you had to be there

 

[Aplus]

haha my computer teacher had this habit of bending over when girls were sitting down, and trying to look up their skirts, LOL.

That's pathetic.

 

[mattwillie]

Haha...

My ancient teacher once wrote on the board... Athens v Aegina (pronounced agina). He didnt understand.

My english teacher Mrs Racita had many funnies!!!

• Sam can you please screw things later?
• Your marks will be so low youll be scaping them off the floor!
• She often gives birth to her own children.
• Can you please stop snuggling with your pride and prejudice?! its a romance novel yes, but NOT a sex toy!
• (watching sex scene in 'O') Student: eeeeeeewwww.... Mrs Raciti: Hush nathan. Im sure you want to do that to your woman.
• I remember my first principle was a man... or a woman... well either way it was BUTCH!
• Hey santa, been having too much fun with mrs claus to finish your essay!?
• I used to be a real rocker when i was your age... It was great, you could be stoned all day and noone would notice!
• If you call Cleopatra a whore in the HSC, youll be failed. Unless you say... she uses her powers of whorehood!

Good times! many more where they came from. She left school, so at the yr 12 concert were gonna have a tribute to her with many of her funnies provided!

 

[musicalteddy]

A different English teacher's stock line for people chewing gum: "Stop masticating at the back!"

I had a maths teacher that yelled that out in year 9. The class shut up instantly, not sure what we had heard. She also taught us to remember rise over run (gradient) as when you're sitting in your bath, and you fart, the bubbles rise over your legs, that run. She was a classic.

 

[nearlythere...]

In yr 10 when we were doing the reproductive system my science teacher goes

'There are three things pregnant women want, hot baths, hot chilli and hot sex'

we'd never heard him say anything like that before, so our whole class is just like :O


and when I was in yr 7 it was compulsory that we took Chinese. Our teacher was from China and spoke very broekn english, everytime our class mucked up (which was always) she would gocount to three to threaten us, however is was always

teacher: one... two...

*nothing changes*

teacher: one... two...

we swear she couldn't count to three.

 

[Atonofrash]

That's pathetic.

it was hilarious LOL. maybe you just had to be there.

 

[Lumbargo]

My favourite is probably one by our Legal Studies teacher, who is also a DJ and possibly the 'hippest' teacher in our school (well, as hip as a teacher can be.)

Totally unwittingly - "Karl, can you get me off on Route Sixty-Nine?"

It was funnier because it made sense in context.

Oh yeah, can't forget Mr. Ee just walking up to a smartarse, taking his book and <i>hurling</i> it at the wall, then telling the kid to pick it up like it was his fault. And threatening to drop kids and ipods out the window every couple of lessons. And apparently replacing one of his Extension 3 maths classes with a Chinese Poetry class instead for one lesson. What a guy.

 

[ObjectsInSpace]

We had a Sri Lankan-born lecturer who was teaching probability and using the example of flipping a coin when he asked "So what is the probability of getting head?"

The lecture theatre, being full of immature seventeen- and eighteen-year-old males, found this hilarious. When he hasked what was so funny, the only thing anyone could manage to say was "We'll tell you when you're older, sir".

 

[ccc123]

"I can just hear the collective neurons buzzing here"

"Remember, the unseen text will be a manifestation/transformation/appropriation/adaptation of Frankenstein. Does that narrow it down a bit?

"Your essay was like chocolate soufflé-divine, still divine, but missing the cream on top"

"Don't bash me over the head with words"



"CLEARLY, if you haven't started studying for your yearlys by now, you are very nearly, CLEARLY in CLEAR trouble."

"CLEARLY, the alliance system CLEARLY created an environment of suspicion, tension and suspicion"

"Look [inserts my name], be quiet. shoosh. Shut your mouth. How can I say that eloquently?"



"Think of an essay like a jouney across the room. Those in the E-range either get entirely lost or never move a foot. Those in the D-range plod across the room- they get there, but it's painful to watch. Those in the C-range just walk across. Very boring. Ordinary. Those in the B-range skip across, so there's some aethetic beauty to it. Now those in the A-range dance across the room, and they do so with extraordinary grace and poise. As the top class, we all need to be ballerinas."

"Don't just look at what's there. Look at what's not there. Bullshit. Explore a pseudo-metaphysical line of argument. It's English- it's all about eloquent bullshit"



"For the next two years the HSC is your life. It is your 1st priority. Everything else comes 2nd. I don't care if you break both legs and are hospitalised for a month, you will not stop studying legal regularly"

"If you don't want to be here, frankly speaking, get the fuck out of my classroom and pick up a woolworth's application on your way out...they're on my desk."



"Now, we're going to be studying something quite interesting today. As of this lesson, we will trace the evolutionary pathways of herbs.."

"Without the fossil record, Jurassic Park would never have existed. Be grateful."

 

[xclusv2bhung]

lmao.
year 8 science curry teacher :
"Summarise this one page into three"

ext eng teacher :
"Alright , books and pens out open. Pretend you`re doing work , I`m going to sleep."

english teacher :
"Oh, that technique , it`s called a see-neck-doky [synecdoche]."
some student in class "Actually, Miss, it`s see-neck-doosh"

ROFLOL.

 

[Chinmoku03]

OMFG, I can't believe I forgot my engo teacher O.O;

"This exam is out of 25, but I think you can get 2 bonus marks in it if you include certain information. So you can get 102% as a mark from me."

 

[Aplus]

it was hilarious LOL. maybe you just had to be there.

I don't think so.

 

[ShadowSwifter]

I remember my eng teacher used to say this when we were doing Change Speech:

"basically the structure will be like this. 25% intro, 50% core text, 50% related text, and 25% conclusion.... yes i know that they don't add up...but you know what i mean"

 

[miss-smexy]

My english teacher (whilst we were studying Antony and Cleopatra):

"turn to page fifty-sex"

 

[lilli]

horrid yr9-10 english teacher: i'm the one with a university degree!:burn: (and we just laughed at her, they were good times... )

 

[SouperGirl121]

Before our performance night we were playing a warm up game to help us get focused.
We were playing this game where you pass a clap around the circle, maintaining eye contact.
When we were about to begin, she kept saying "I've got the clap." And she couldn't work out why we were all screeching with laughter.

Another of her quotes- "Well that was a fizzer!"
"Forget your lines!"
She also has a funny habit of screwing up her face and grrrrrrr ing when we frustrate her.
When we went to see a drama lecture, the playwright was hitting on her, and then as we left the venue someone made a sexual joke, and Miss full on belted her- and then profusely apologised. To make it all funnier, we were crossing the road on "Butt st"

Ancient History- In our Half yearly exam, she had exam duty and was walking around when she tripped over a desk.

English teacher- gave us an acrostic poem to help us write answers-
S-tatement
E-xample
eX-plain

Funny moment- I'm in advanced, and the class next door is standard. Their teacher refers to them as sub-standard, and when he was giving them revision tips for the trials, one student piped up and said "So where do we talk about change?"

When we went to see a performance of King Lear at the Bondi Pavillion, there was a moment in the play where Edgar, as Poor Tom, pulled out a fake penis and started chasing the fool around the stage. A certain person in my class piped up "Is that real?" and the whole audience was in hysterics. Even the actors had trouble keeping a straight face.

LOL...funny moments. I'm gonna miss school.