Brothers (1 Viewer)

[lilygirl]

Hi everyone!
This is my first post, but I have been lurking around for awhile.I wanted to ask for your opinions because some of you seem really good with giving my advice. I don't know if this is the right place to put it, but I didnt know where else to put it.

This is my problem. My brother is 17, but he acts more like 2, he is driving me crazy. He is doing year 12 but he is pretty much failing because all he does is play computer games. I think he is addicted to computer games. During the holidays, he stays in bed til 2 or 3, then gets up, and goes straight to his computer, where he might stay until 2-3am, bar having a shower. When school is back on, he stays up that late playing his computer as well, and then sometimes goes to school, or sometimes cant be arsed and just stays in bed all day anyway. he is really mean and rude, he is constantly swearing at me and the slightest thing will trigger him off- for example, one of his friends just rang, when i went to give him the phone, he snatched it off me, shoved me, and called me a friggen retard. that is his general disposition. my parents dont do anything about it anymore, sometimes my dad takes the computer from him but that usually lasts only about a day. i dont think my parents really know what to do with him, they are constantly on his back but he doesent give a shit. my mum rang the school a while ago and was seeing the school counsellor, but he refused to go, and all of the things the counsellor told my mum to do didnt work (personally it was all pretty lame anyway). he is totally unbearable to live with, besides that, i'm worried because next year he will be out of school, and quite frankly, he will go on to be a total complete loser unless SOMETHING changes. I don;t really know what I can do to help him change, he doesen't give a rats arse about what either I or my parents say anyway. Does anyone have any suggestions?

 

[lengy]

That sounds like me. He'll eventually, hopefully, grow out of it, computer games that is, but probably not the procrastination. It's probably up to your parents to give him an ultimatum. There's nothing like having no money, to take you back to reality. Get your parents to make him pay rent or shit, force him to find a job. It's his life if he wants to fuck it up, you've done what you can it's now up to him.

Failing your HSC doesn't mean you'll fail life. There are plenty of other opportunities for him to succeed, you just need to find what he wants, in this case games and take it away from him. Threaten to kick him out. He is escaping the world by playing games because life is easier in front of a computer lost in another world.

 

[z600]

If he doesn't care about the help he is getting from his family, just leave him alone............Let him realise he is screwed. Maybe you can get him a job, should take his mind of games but then again if he is what you describe he is. He'll probably get fired

 

[darkmaster]

i have the same type of problem with my brother, all he like is computer games but he doesn't get pissed off that easily. i keep telling him to do his work but u know..... he doesn't. wat other thing can i do besides just let him go on a grow out of it?

 

[ellen.louise]

Definitely get your parents to make him pay board or something: If that's all he does all day, he doesn't fucking deserve a free place to crash: especially if he's giving everyone that attitude. Maybe if your parents enforce a permanent grounding until he gets his act together (that means no money, no computer, no TV)... Hes going to respond in one of two ways: if he then puts some effort into his life, he's going to make it somehow. If he responds by rebelling more, he's fucked anyway.

Maybe actually send him to a psychologist. Force him. He's under 18 and your parents can still do what the fucking hell they want with him.

He's not going to like it but it's for his sake. The only place his current attitude is going to get him is in juvie. not good for anyone.

OOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.... (i love saying this one): SEND HIM TO DA ARMY!!!)

 

[lilygirl]

It's really weird, but he used to have a job, and he was fine with it. he gets along perfectly well with people who aren;t in our family, is even nice to them.
At times I am worried for my own safety- he is a lot stronger than me, and he does get violent sometimes. One time we were having an argument and he yanked my arm so hard I thought it was going to break. its a little more extreme than the rpoblems most people have with their siblings/
my parents just make things worse, they contradict eachother with how they deal with him and he knows exactly how to play his cards to get his own way in the end. Once they took his computer off him for a week, and for the whole week he sat on the couch in his boxers and stared into midair. ALL DAY. whenever my mum tried to talk to him he ignored her or shrugged and said he wouldnt be happy til he got it back.
I know there is more to life than the HSC, but at the moment I can't imagine him DOING anything, he doesent seem to care about anything. I hope your right about him outgrowing it.
And thanks for your responses guys

 

[S1M0]

Sounds like gaming addiction to me. Keep in mind that if you take away his computer/games, he will be REALLY upset. But it'll be for the best. Expect some violence to happen.

Make him get a job, or make him do some homework/study or something. I used to play games for a substantial amount of time when i was in year 9 and 10 (although not to the extreme extent that your brother seems to play), and i've realised that i feel better when i'm actually doing work instead of playing games because it keeps my mind sharp and focused. Which is good.

 

[P_Dilemma]

Get him to play other games.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Go_(board_game)

Make him exercise him mind a bit.

-P_D

 

[S1M0]

It's really weird, but he used to have a job, and he was fine with it. he gets along perfectly well with people who aren;t in our family, is even nice to them.
At times I am worried for my own safety- he is a lot stronger than me, and he does get violent sometimes. One time we were having an argument and he yanked my arm so hard I thought it was going to break. its a little more extreme than the rpoblems most people have with their siblings/
my parents just make things worse, they contradict eachother with how they deal with him and he knows exactly how to play his cards to get his own way in the end. Once they took his computer off him for a week, and for the whole week he sat on the couch in his boxers and stared into midair. ALL DAY. whenever my mum tried to talk to him he ignored her or shrugged and said he wouldnt be happy til he got it back.
I know there is more to life than the HSC, but at the moment I can't imagine him DOING anything, he doesent seem to care about anything. I hope your right about him outgrowing it.
And thanks for your responses guys

Tough character to break.....

Hmm, if taking away his computer doesn't work, take away his money. If that doesn't work, take away something else. Keep taking away things, if he just stares in mid-air all day, so be it. Eventually he'll crack.

Actually....mabye the reason why he's like that is because of, what i think, to be your parents way of discipline. Your parents are too easy going i guess, because the situation you've described here is unfathomable with my parents

 

[ellen.louise]

Get him to play other games.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Go_%28board_game%29

Make him exercise him mind a bit.

-P_D

ha that game is awesome!

 

[lilygirl]

Definitely get your parents to make him pay board or something: If that's all he does all day, he doesn't fucking deserve a free place to crash: especially if he's giving everyone that attitude. Maybe if your parents enforce a permanent grounding until he gets his act together (that means no money, no computer, no TV)... Hes going to respond in one of two ways: if he then puts some effort into his life, he's going to make it somehow. If he responds by rebelling more, he's fucked anyway.

Maybe actually send him to a psychologist. Force him. He's under 18 and your parents can still do what the fucking hell they want with him.

He's not going to like it but it's for his sake. The only place his current attitude is going to get him is in juvie. not good for anyone.

OOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.... (i love saying this one): SEND HIM TO DA ARMY!!!)

I'll suggest all that to my mum. it would be good to make him see a counsellor or a pyschologist, when my mum tried to get him to see the school counsellor though they actually said because he is over 16 they cant make him go. But maybe a non school psychologist would be possible....that is, if my parents can physically actually make him get there.

I know Ive whined a lot in this thread but.. I am going to vent more,
my parents went away for a week over christmas, i didnt think his behaviour could possibly get worse, but he began doing shit like, for example, after id cleaned up after i had dinner, he would then go make his own dinner (often at 1 or 2 am), often waking me up, when i had to get up early for work, and leave the mess, for me to clean, when i woke up. when i confronted him about it, he told me i was a whore and continued doing it, except now he would 'hide' the dirty cooking utensils, so i wouldnt find it for few days, located under the bar and various other places/ I mean he is literally a child, in the body of a man. he sees no reason. he is SO frustrating and impossible to live with. and honestly, im not exagerating, if anything, he is worse than this!

thanks for your responses as well, i wasnt expecting so many so quickly.

and ellen.louise, he actually says he wants to join the air force. i doubt hed get in. i doubt the army would even take him!

 

[lilygirl]

Actually....mabye the reason why he's like that is because of, what i think, to be your parents way of discipline. Your parents are too easy going i guess, because the situation you've described here is unfathomable with my parents

definitley, I wish my parents would just stand their ground. our family is pretty shaky honestly, thats probably why he does is. maybe he has depression, i dont know.

 

[P_Dilemma]

Get him to play other games.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Go_(board_game)

Make him exercise him mind a bit.

-P_D

ha that game is awesome!

Best non-electronic game out there. You play too? you play well?

BTW, lilygirl, suggest to him that if he wants to join the military, he should play this game, or chess even. Comp games are better for testing reactions rather than thinking.

 

[darkmaster]

i just wanna ask, since my brother is pretty much failing now would he make it to uni still?, and another thing i'm a 15 yr old kid and my dad mostly makes me do all the papper work such as centrelink forms etc because he doesn't now english but i got other thing to do as well. all this stuff is stressing me out and my borther hardly helps me. i don't know wat to do either keeping asking my brother to help or just keeping going down like this?

 

[K.]

Buy him a pet to look after

 

[Serius]

Ive gotten like that before its definetly an addiction. my dads solution was to send me to live with my grandmother for like 2 months[which sucked, no computer, could hardly ever watch tv etc.] and then her solution was to make me exercise. Having a break from it will make him realise his priorities, and exercise makes you feel good about yourself so he wont feel like he needs games to be happy.

After that he needs to socialise alot more[ it can be tough when you are under 18, but theres still stuff to do] join a group for interests or even just send him to a LAN so that way he is playing games, but atleast he is with other people aswell.

Lastly he needs a job to help fill in all that spare time. If he has time to just stare at the wall when he isnt playing games then he must be a very bored, lonely individual. Show some support instead of getting angry...when was the last time you said you loved him?

 

[darkmaster]

my dad won't let my brother get a job all he wants from my brother is to work hard but his not that and my brother normally plays on the net so he has a lot of ppl to talk to but he acts differently in front of an actually person

 

[karoooh]

That's EXACTLY like the situation with my brother. Except he manages to get to school everyday and isn't (as) rude.

Anyway, I think mum is coming to terms with the fact that he's just like this, cos he's a lazy arse and we can't do anything about it. My sister and I have accepted it too and we don't think he's mature enough for uni or anything like that yet. We've left him to his own devices and so he stays up late and plays till whenever, as well as fits in assignments the night before they're due in. He says he'd like to go to uni, and I'm sure he'll get in as a mature-age student; he's just not ready for it. Like what others have said before, the HSC isn't the last chance at everything. He'll most probably grow out of it.

I feel like I've rambled on and none of this is relevant to the topic.

I remember we threatened to send him to live withmy dad, but my dad didn't want that cos he likes his freedom, and mybro definately didn't want that. He really believed we were going to do that, as well as pull him out of school and send him to some school in my dad's area. It worked like a charm for about 2 weeks, where he just diligently did his work and didn't touch the comp... Until he realised we weren't going to do anything after we stopped being so pissed off.

 

[Gilbert1]

My brother used to be the same. He never tried hard at much and got pretty antsy around us aswell. But he went over seas with his gf and had this MASSIVE epifony. (did I spell that right?) He realised that he had to straighten up and actually work, now he's got a good job and is saving up to by a house (he's 27 for those of you playing at home).

Now I realise it's not the same situation but I feel the best thing to do to him is get your parents to start asking for rent. And if he doesnt pay tell him to move in with a friend. Make sure he gets a job and some responsability. Thats all I could suggest

 

[Apocalypsse]

Best way to get him to stop and focus will be to get rid of the computer all together, let him go to a library or some shit to get work done or get a computer that can only run MS Office. I was the same and I dropped out of school because it and a few other things. Sure he might be pissed off for a while about losing the computer but it will definately be worth it in the long run.