Can anyone relate? (1 Viewer)

[braindrainedAsh]

This may come off as sounding like a whinge or a vent, but I'm just wondering is anyone can relate to my situation.... and it's also a bit of self reflection really....

I've never been in a relationship before.... not that it bothers me because I have never really been looking for one.... but I'm at the stage of my life where I would be interested in having a relationship with the right person....

In the "Never Been Kissed" thread everyone was saying to be confident.... and I am confident in my personality, brain etc.... everything except my looks. I am larger sized and while I try and just be happy with who I am and rarely ever have "boo hoo I am so fat" moments, sometimes it seems like it will never be possible for me to find the right guy because my physical appearance possibly turns guys off.... it just seems like guys around my age are primarily focused on physical features....

I also feel totally clueless when it comes to relationships and I feel kinda old (19) to have absolutely no clue lol... also I fall under that category of "never been kissed" and I feel so clueless about it all....

Anyone else in a similar situation? Any advice? Am I relatively old to be clueless about relationships? And is physical attraction of a huge importance to most guys around my age?

 

[...]

i'm in the exact same boat as u

cept self confidence is kinda low atm with all the things happening around me

but from wat i've seen..

dun rush into a relationship..like some guys are just plain dickheads and play around..so be careful..

apart from that, enjoy being single and i hope u find ur prince charming

 

[AsyLum]

Anyone else in a similar situation? Any advice? Am I relatively old to be clueless about relationships? And is physical attraction of a huge importance to most guys around my age?

Similar, kinda, only really had 1.

Advice, take it easy, things will happen, and it just takes a bit more openness to urge people on. Perhaps to show that you are interested in the idea of a relationship.

Being clueless, not at our age i dont think its too much of a deal. We didnt really rush things like that unlike the younger generation who seem to be active before getting out of primary.

Physical attraction will only go so far as to when they open their mouths and speak.

i think the most important thing is dont get into a relationship feeling like you HAD to. Thats the wrong way to go about things and will only end with feelings and emotions totally fucked for both parties.

Confidence in a girl is a turn on personally.

 

[SmokedSalmon]

Well I've been in one relationship in my lifetime. That was 2 years ago now and it only lasted a few months tho. Nothing special. I'm kind of bad on the relationship front as well so don't feel like ur the only one. I'm single currently and I think I scare most guys off with my weirdish personality... although my friends seem to like it... bah and every day at university everyone appears to be paired off!! btw, can anyone explain to me what type of girls scare guys off?

I wouldn't say your too old to be clueless on relationships. I'm sure when the right person comes along, everything will go perfectly. So don't freak out about that.
Also we all know that physical attraction is a major factor for most guys and girls at this age. How else do you become interested in a guy/girl? By first checking their body and facial features out right? Then its onto their personality and character. Then u'll know whether u still like them or not.

 

[berry580]

Well if you're fat, as in REALLY (i.e your flabs just shows up, have a double chin, arms like my thighs) fat, then you'll need to lose weight fast (in a healthy way). As a man (or boy), I can tell you we don't like fat chicks (not implying your arms must be like a twig inorder to look good), but one's who are equal (no stick arms & legs with basketball sized boobs).
Here's an example of not being too skinny, yet still attractive (cute, whatever)-

http://www.boa-nation.com/album_pic.php?pic_id=340


Generally, as long as you have a balanced diet (e.g NOT 1 Big Mac + 1 Macca's salad for a meal, but 1 Big Mac a week and Subway (Ham Footlong with honey oak and all veges but chilli) for the rest! )

 

[AsyLum]

hahah berry mate you're a crack up

 

[BabySilver]

Ok I know you have all heard thie before but.. Don't despair! There is someone out there for you all.. unless you have no personal hygiene, in which case I suggest you get some (ok that part was rude)

But serriously, I'm 24, not really attractive, have confidence problems, depression problems, personality clashes with most of the population, few friends and hardly get out (hence why I am on here almost always).

I have only had 2 real realtionships, one lasted 2 & 1/2 months the other 4 & 1/2 years including 14 months of marriage plus 14 months of seperation. Since I kicked his lazy, non sexing, computer glued to arse out I have had 3 or 4 flings, one lasting a week, one last 3 weeks and one on & off for months. I have also had several returning stands, but they are not good.

I never had anyone till i was 18, and he turned out to be just sex and now I am realising how much i was used in it. the second relationship wasn't so much a relationship as me sticking with him cause i thought i could get no one better.

I still feel clueless about relationships, hence why I've only really had flings and still get used for sex, (long story, feel free to ask), it's never too old to feel clueless about relationships, i have friends who've been married for years and still want to know how they work.

Serriouly there is someone out there for you, I know I have a perfect guy out there, I just gotta find him, alternatively, if I don't have another ugy by mid 2nd year Uni I'm lookin for a chick, just to try it.

My main thing is I can be clingy, my second main thing.. I want a blokey bloke and some of them are put off by the non girly girls, and the last time i was girly was.. hell I dunno, I wasn't even girly on my wedding day, but i think i faked it ok for my year 10 formal... no, I had shorts on uder my dres, yes proper shorts and it was for a comfort thing. but serriously.. i think i have forgotten the point, someone remind me please..

 

[Lundy]

Berry, she didn't ask for dieting tips.

Anyway. I'm fat. I know what it feels like to feel unattractive and as if I repulse the opposite sex. I've been in two relationships, so I'm not exactly the most experienced or the most sought after girl around. But then again, it also shows there are guys out there who will find you beautiful, even if it means they have to get to know your personality first to see it.

My sister is 21, my best friend 19, and both have no relationship experience whatsoever. Both are slim, attractive. Yet, relationshipless. So you're not alone.

 

[virgin^sexy]

i know you would have heard this before but..

if you really are happy with yourself then who cares
someone will appreciate you
there are plenty of people out there who i think are unattractive with boyfriends/girlfriends so personality must count for something, hey

 

[teh winnar!]

YEAH EXACLTY, AND SOME GUYS ARE INTO FAT CHIKCS

16TH CENTURY FRNECH GUYS, FOR INSTANCE

 

[pinkblinkbarbie]

ok i am...not thin, but not fat...well im sorta thin but am a size 10 if that matters... or whatever...but i know so many guys, in the age gorup of 18/19, that love girls with a little bit of weight...like not huge, but not skinny. they like girls who they can cuddle with, not a bag of bones covered in some skin. those guys who only go for the thin girls who like they stepped out of an airbrushed magazine picture, are total wankers, and obviously if a guy doesnt like you for how you look, he is a friggen idiot and needs to be kicked in the head (jk).
when you get a boyfriend, they like everything about you, your looks are pretty much just a bonus. they love the person you are...not just what you look like. the world isnt that sueperficial...only in the movies

 

[eLmo]

Don't think that you are alone in this situation, obviously phsyical apperance is what attracts people initially (although many people will try to deny this). Like Asy said once a person gets to know you thats when they'll truely be attracted to you.

 

[tomorrows_angel]

i'm 18 (in 9 days) and i've never been kissed, let alone in a relationship. At the moment i'm happy with that, but i know there is going to come a day soon when i'm not.
anyway, i'm not particularly attractive or have a good figure, i have actually been asked out (by my best friend), but that's not something i wanted.
ok, back onto topic. I have a good (guy) friend who keeps telling me that the biggest turn on in a girl is confidence. It doesn't matter who you are, what you look like or what you think of yourself, if you're happy and confident you will attract people to you because of your prescence in a room.
so just be happy with the way you are and someone will love you for it.
oh, and there's this little paradox (is that the right word?!) whereby if you're looking for someone, you don't generally find someone, but as soon as you resolve yourself to being single and decide you're happy with it, you'll find someone!
good luck!

 

[OZGIRL86]

This may come off as sounding like a whinge or a vent, but I'm just wondering is anyone can relate to my situation.... and it's also a bit of self reflection really....

I've never been in a relationship before.... not that it bothers me because I have never really been looking for one.... but I'm at the stage of my life where I would be interested in having a relationship with the right person....

In the "Never Been Kissed" thread everyone was saying to be confident.... and I am confident in my personality, brain etc.... everything except my looks. I am larger sized and while I try and just be happy with who I am and rarely ever have "boo hoo I am so fat" moments, sometimes it seems like it will never be possible for me to find the right guy because my physical appearance possibly turns guys off.... it just seems like guys around my age are primarily focused on physical features....

I also feel totally clueless when it comes to relationships and I feel kinda old (19) to have absolutely no clue lol... also I fall under that category of "never been kissed" and I feel so clueless about it all....

Anyone else in a similar situation? Any advice? Am I relatively old to be clueless about relationships? And is physical attraction of a huge importance to most guys around my age?

Ash as long as you are confident with yourself,your not too old to be clueless about relationships, afterall every one has to start and learn from somewhere at somestage, I'm sure the right person will come along and love you for you, so just wait, you never know what guy is around the corner ready to sweep you off ur feet

 

[bex]

The way i see things is that it really doesnt matter what size you are.. my friends are all gorgeous tall skinny blonde things whilst i kinda drag the chain a bit as im a short, heavier brunette..

the most attractive quality a person can posess is their confidence and respect for themselves. In my experiences It doesnt matter what size you are.. if you carry yourself with confidence, greet people with a smile and show people your true colours all the time then your inner beauty will shine beyond all that superficial crap. Its not healthy to be too big but its not easy to lose it (believe me.. ive been there so many times) so, if you feel that your weight is getting in the way of your life ie in terms of fitness, abilities etc then grab some sort of support (for me it was my mum) and get them to help you.. start slow.. eating wholesome, 3 meals a day and starting by doing some small form of exercise most days of the week... youll find the changes make you feel so much healthier and more confident.

i know when youre feeling like shit these words dont make you feel a whole lot better.. but theyre true. as for never being kissed.. ive never been in a relationship but ive kissed boys and its not always the best experience.. anyone can go to a sleazy nightclub and have a random pash on the dance floor (id like to point out castle hill tavern's niteclub as a prime example.. YUK YUK YUK) but do you really want some random tongue being jammed down your throat? i truly believe there is someone out there for everyone.. your time is coming. when its the right time, it will happen for you. i hope i was some help to you.. good luck!

 

[bex]

U'll find when magazines like cosmo interview guys asking for their opinions of the best part of a women is usually always there smile, eyes (this is always a big one), confidence, sense of humour. Rearly do u see a good body

exactly and why would you want to be with someone who liked you just for your body? Beauty withers with age but an emotional and mental connection (ie love) is forever! *sigh!*

 

[hipsta_jess]

chins up ash, theres plenty of guys out there that dig bigger chicks
besides, i doubt pheromone receptors can sense weight

 

[berry580]

i know you would have heard this before but..

if you really are happy with yourself then who cares
someone will appreciate you
there are plenty of people out there who i think are unattractive with boyfriends/girlfriends so personality must count for something, hey

Ever heard of desperate people?
If you cant find an attractive one, then you'll just have to settle with a less attractive one.

My sister is 21, my best friend 19, and both have no relationship experience whatsoever. Both are slim, attractive. Yet, relationshipless. So you're not alone.

LOL, then it think I would want to know about your standard of 'slim' and'attractive.'

Ok, anyway, your friend and sister are both 'slim' and 'attractive' and are 19 & 21 respectively, but never had a relation, right? Well that doesn't really mean much. They might not a want a relation until a certain stage (for whatever reason, school, religion, whatever.), or they might be lesbians (you never know), or people simply don't like their personality, or even more simpler, she can't fnd a guy that she likes because of high standards. Whatever that reason is, they're simply the odd ones out in my personal view, considering young people's trend in the society. But I don't really find that to be a bad thing, as orphans would probably be dramatically reduced if we are all just don't f--- because you know you can can't afford a child ($3000 won't last long).

YEAH EXACLTY, AND SOME GUYS ARE INTO FAT CHIKCS

16TH CENTURY FRNECH GUYS, FOR INSTANCE

Should that explain why the French lost the war with the English? (I think)

J/K LOL

when you get a boyfriend, they like everything about you, your looks are pretty much just a bonus. they love the person you are...not just what you look like. the world isnt that sueperficial...only in the movies

In that case, you can stay with your movies.
There's no people in this world who's perfect. Real love includes adapting, adapting who your partner really is and forgive his/her faults.

A guy woul much rather go out witha girl who is intelligent, funny, nice and caring than a barbie who cant carry a conversation and who is a bitch.

Thats abit obvious, btw, I hate barbies, they look like sh-t!

What happens if its a 150kg girl who is intelligent, funny, nice and caring?

U'll find when magazines like cosmo interview guys asking for their opinions of the best part of a women is usually always there smile, eyes (this is always a big one), confidence, sense of humour. Rearly do u see a good body

I'm personally ok even if a girl that I find to be cute doesn't have total confidence, because I'll get her confidence, and that makes you feel good.

 

[Minai]

Ever heard of desperate people?
If you cant find an attractive one, then you'll just have to settle with a less attractive one.

LOL, then it think I would want to know about your standard of 'slim' and'attractive.'

Ok, anyway, your friend and sister are both 'slim' and 'attractive' and are 19 & 21 respectively, but never had a relation, right? Well that doesn't really mean much. They might not a want a relation until a certain stage (for whatever reason, school, religion, whatever.), or they might be lesbians (you never know), or people simply don't like their personality, or even more simpler, she can't fnd a guy that she likes because of high standards. Whatever that reason is, they're simply the odd ones out in my personal view, considering young people's trend in the society. But I don't really find that to be a bad thing, as orphans would probably be dramatically reduced if we are all just don't f--- because you know you can can't afford a child ($3000 won't last long).

Should that explain why the French lost the war with the English? (I think)

J/K LOL
In that case, you can stay with your movies.
There's no people in this world who's perfect. Real love includes adapting, adapting who your partner really is and forgive his/her faults.

Thats abit obvious, btw, I hate barbies, they look like sh-t!

What happens if its a 150kg girl who is intelligent, funny, nice and caring?
I'm personally ok even if a girl that I find to be cute doesn't have total confidence, because I'll get her confidence, and that makes you feel good.

You're very superficial, berry580

If you're serious about a relationship, you wouldn't "go" for an attractive one just like that, you go for the "person" as a whole

 

[Malazn Pleasure]

Anyone else in a similar situation? Any advice? Am I relatively old to be clueless about relationships? And is physical attraction of a huge importance to most guys around my age?

that sounds like a difficult situation

sorry i cant relate coz i dont hv trouble with getting girls


hahah funny post berry580, keep it up