Warning: This will likely be a long vent post. Click out if you are not in the mood to read a very long post.
don't even know where to begin, honestly. I guess ill just begin from the start of the year. After ploughing through Year 11 on a continual stream of bad-average marks(mostly owing to my really BAD case of procrastination), I started Y12 last Oct with really high hopes. I would beat my procrastination, study hard, make a plan, and ace every subject, even Maths, which is my worst subject of the lot. Term 4: came and went. Along with it came marks, and suffice it to say, they were not what I expected. I barely got a 55 in English, somehow managed a 69 in Maths(as it was a research task instead of a test), got a 40 in bio, failed in business...the list goes on. I was put down in the dumps, but I recovered. Alright, I wasn't going to let one failure get the better of me. There were still THREE terms left to prove myself. I relaxed and kicked back in the summer holidays. School began, and with it, Term 1 of the new year. Full of fresh determination, I found out we were to take our first exam block in year 12 during the last few weeks of the term. I took it fairly easy(meh, theres still plenty of time) until Week 5. Then I slogged. Feverishly rifled through my textbooks, fixed my eyes on the computer screen until they burned and worked myself crazy till the end of the exam block. Results came. Again, a just pass in Geo and Business, fail in English and Maths, 59 in SDD and 55 in bio. My heart fell into my shoes. Again, I steeled my resolve. There was next term. Term 2. It would be transformation term. Term 2 began. Assessments were dealt out one after the other starting from the third to the eight week. I worked my head off like a maniac, studying, studying, studying, typing away. Around the fifth week, I was hit with the realisation that Trials were in barely 7 weeks. I ignored it, directing my complete focus onto my assignments. Late nights and early mornings became a norm. Finally, Week 10 arrived, and with it, the enormous relief of finally being rid of the workload of the term. Got the results back, morale was again shot down by 43 in Maths, 45 in English, 40-something in Business. On the other hand, however, I got a 75 in bio(which to some people ig would still fall below expectations, but to me, was a good result), a 90 in SDD and a grand score of 18/20 in Geo. This being a real morale booster, I alternated between relaxing and study during the first week of holidays before Trials. Same with week 2. Now at the beginning of term 3, I was horrified to realise there were only 2 weeks left. The last 2 weeks seemed to fly in a frenzy of crazy study as I desperately tried to learn a years worth of content in a few short weeks. This would be gruelling for the average person; however for me, with an extremely poor memory(barely able to remember what I studied yesterday) you can only imagine what it was. Now the exam block has begun, Paper 1 of english is over and I sit at my laptop, venting at this post at a time I am trying to cram quotes, analysis and themes in my head for Paper 2. I managed to remember most of my quotes and stuff in Paper 1, but as there are two essays in paper 2 plus mod c, I feel i am doomed. I can't take this. I just know im going to blank out in the exam as i always do from anxiety leading to me inevitably bombing it. I feel like i can't do this anymore. I am completely unmotivated and exhausted and am sick of Y12, especially the dumb requirement of an ATAR to enter uni. (and yes, i know there are other ways to enter uni, but i haven't really read into them, and not getting a good atar is just going to make me look bad in front of others in my high ranking school.) My head hurts every single day. I am bone-deep tired and just want to collapse into my bed, huddle under the sheets and bask in its comforting darkness till the end of the year.
If anyone has any tips at all about my situation(assuming you've even bothered reading this far) it would be greatly appreciated.
don't even know where to begin, honestly. I guess ill just begin from the start of the year. After ploughing through Year 11 on a continual stream of bad-average marks(mostly owing to my really BAD case of procrastination), I started Y12 last Oct with really high hopes. I would beat my procrastination, study hard, make a plan, and ace every subject, even Maths, which is my worst subject of the lot. Term 4: came and went. Along with it came marks, and suffice it to say, they were not what I expected. I barely got a 55 in English, somehow managed a 69 in Maths(as it was a research task instead of a test), got a 40 in bio, failed in business...the list goes on. I was put down in the dumps, but I recovered. Alright, I wasn't going to let one failure get the better of me. There were still THREE terms left to prove myself. I relaxed and kicked back in the summer holidays. School began, and with it, Term 1 of the new year. Full of fresh determination, I found out we were to take our first exam block in year 12 during the last few weeks of the term. I took it fairly easy(meh, theres still plenty of time) until Week 5. Then I slogged. Feverishly rifled through my textbooks, fixed my eyes on the computer screen until they burned and worked myself crazy till the end of the exam block. Results came. Again, a just pass in Geo and Business, fail in English and Maths, 59 in SDD and 55 in bio. My heart fell into my shoes. Again, I steeled my resolve. There was next term. Term 2. It would be transformation term. Term 2 began. Assessments were dealt out one after the other starting from the third to the eight week. I worked my head off like a maniac, studying, studying, studying, typing away. Around the fifth week, I was hit with the realisation that Trials were in barely 7 weeks. I ignored it, directing my complete focus onto my assignments. Late nights and early mornings became a norm. Finally, Week 10 arrived, and with it, the enormous relief of finally being rid of the workload of the term. Got the results back, morale was again shot down by 43 in Maths, 45 in English, 40-something in Business. On the other hand, however, I got a 75 in bio(which to some people ig would still fall below expectations, but to me, was a good result), a 90 in SDD and a grand score of 18/20 in Geo. This being a real morale booster, I alternated between relaxing and study during the first week of holidays before Trials. Same with week 2. Now at the beginning of term 3, I was horrified to realise there were only 2 weeks left. The last 2 weeks seemed to fly in a frenzy of crazy study as I desperately tried to learn a years worth of content in a few short weeks. This would be gruelling for the average person; however for me, with an extremely poor memory(barely able to remember what I studied yesterday) you can only imagine what it was. Now the exam block has begun, Paper 1 of english is over and I sit at my laptop, venting at this post at a time I am trying to cram quotes, analysis and themes in my head for Paper 2. I managed to remember most of my quotes and stuff in Paper 1, but as there are two essays in paper 2 plus mod c, I feel i am doomed. I can't take this. I just know im going to blank out in the exam as i always do from anxiety leading to me inevitably bombing it. I feel like i can't do this anymore. I am completely unmotivated and exhausted and am sick of Y12, especially the dumb requirement of an ATAR to enter uni. (and yes, i know there are other ways to enter uni, but i haven't really read into them, and not getting a good atar is just going to make me look bad in front of others in my high ranking school.) My head hurts every single day. I am bone-deep tired and just want to collapse into my bed, huddle under the sheets and bask in its comforting darkness till the end of the year.
If anyone has any tips at all about my situation(assuming you've even bothered reading this far) it would be greatly appreciated.
