Comments on my writing (1 Viewer)

[Logain]

Hey, about a year ago, I found Maddox's webpage and liked his style of writing, so I decided to make a website that contained (among other things) maddox-style articles. I wrote one today about a band that I hate (Simple Plan) and thought I could get some feedback here? I don't care if you don't agree with what I write, I'm interested in whether you think I have written a humourous and entertaining piece of writing. The link to the whole site (Which includes the blogs of my friends and I) is http://www.netjournals.tk . To get to my list of articles click "Journals" then "Will Longfield" then you will see the list of articles. The one I wrote today was http://www.geocities.com/online_journal04/wlongfieldarticle6.html . There is a large animated gif in the middle (400kb) that may take a little bit to load if you have a dialup connection.

Any feedback would be appreciated greatly Thanks guys.

 

[v sia]

good 12345

 

[MasterP]

Well, about a million other people had the same idea - with regards to emulating the Maddox style. It ain't that original anymore (was it to begin with?), but I read your article.

Yeah, I agree about the Simple Plan stuff, but when you're bitching about something it's best to bitch about something novel, you know? EVERYONE knows that the "pop-punk" bands, Simple Plan et al are stupid fucking idiots with no musical talent and dumbass fans to boot. But It really comes to a point when we all figure "Who gives a shit?", before we ourselves start sounding like a bunch of whinging little bitches. Same old shit with Avril Lavigne 2 years ago, the best way to acknowledge someone as shit is to not acknowledge them at all.

Your writings OK, though.

 

[jumb]

I don't agree with some of what you said. You write some ignorant and arrogant things. If you read maddox's things, you walk away thinking, "That guys a jerk, but I agree with him now.". I think this is important.

Anyway, your first paragraph is only one sentence that is too long. Secondly, don't use ellipsis. Ever!

For example:

"I don't care if Simple Plan are pop, or punk, or whatever... nothing changes the fact that their music blows. "

Change that one to a comma.

Also, going back to the first point, I think the content of your writing isnt that special. Theres alot of people who probably already agree with you. Write about something thats controversial and current, that will piss people off. For example, Write about how you're glad the tsunami came. Also, more humour, descriptive words and writing techniques.

That's my advice. Take it or leave it.

Edit: Let me emphasise the humour. Make people laugh, and they will agree with anything you say.

 

[TimeAndTide]

He's just being negative because he wants to mimic Maddox's style. It's been done before.

BTW. write something negative about something that's actually bad.

 

[Logain]

Thanks for the comments. I wasn't trying to be a blatant rip-off with no substance, just the whole point is to write humourously. Compare it to say, writing in the style of Agatha Christie because you love Crime Fiction. The whole "being negative" thing isn't something feigned to keep up with the article, I really disapprove of the band. (obviously or I'd be a big phony)

On a semi-related note, did the animated gif in the middle work for everyone? Sometimes when it loaded for me on IE it was a bit choppy, which was lame. It should be fluid and smooth. Note my use of the Halo assault rifle It's basically the first animated gif I've made with ImageReady, so things can only get better.

Once again, thanks for the feedback, keep it coming!

 

[TimeAndTide]

Listen, you find something thats appealing to other people, that maddox hasnt used yet, so you won't be a *TOTAL* rip-off....like anecdotes. Everyone likes anecdtoes, don't you?

 

[Logain]

I suppose. You should check some of my other articles. I think there's some in there. A couple of my friends and I have our little attempts at writing, so read other ones if you're interested. the guys on the list who have done articles are me (Will Longfield) , Carter Smyth and Scott Tufrey.

 

[um..]

Thanks for the comments. I wasn't trying to be a blatant rip-off with no substance.

too late, tiger. you even use the colour scheme as maddox, the fuck. try something original, ripping off simple plan is about as cliche and easy as shooting fish in a barrel. and you use too many commas,

 

[um..]

and you're from (or near) werris creak! my old PE teacher was from werris creak, we called him werris.

i think he is dead now

 

[breaking]

oh ffs, the original maddox was suicide-enducingly bad enough without a whole bunch of kiddies trying to copy him.....

 

[Logain]

Hrmmm I think you guys have the wrong idea... I'm not trying to copy maddox as a homage or parody or anything... I'm just using his writing style to express my ideas... and yes Simple Plan is an easy target.. it was mainly influenced by people on my bus who won't listen to reason so it's kind of a half Simple Plan bash half venting of anger at stupid fans who are being mindlessly engineered. I just want to know if you find my writing humourous or what you do or don't like. responses like jumb's were really helpful. feel free to call me a wannabe, faker, blah blah blah, I accept all criticism.

 

[Soma]

I cherish the day when kids start making sites biting my style.
Start now,
Nigga Whut!?!?!?!

 

[um..]

Hrmmm I think you guys have the wrong idea... I'm not trying to copy maddox as a homage or parody or anything... I'm just using his writing style to express my ideas... and yes Simple Plan is an easy target.. it was mainly influenced by people on my bus who won't listen to reason so it's kind of a half Simple Plan bash half venting of anger at stupid fans who are being mindlessly engineered. I just want to know if you find my writing humourous or what you do or don't like. responses like jumb's were really helpful. feel free to call me a wannabe, faker, blah blah blah, I accept all criticism.

it doesnt matter why you're using his style, you're still copying it. find your own angle, werris

 

[sladehk]

it ain't too bad at all

 

[Logain]

Pluggity plug...

 

[kittycat552]

I adore your writing for the simple (no pun intended) fact that you want to destroy/assasinate Simple Plan as much as I do...

 

[Krangelus]

i dont like your style of writing. Its like you think your better than me. *newsflash* your not. I take insult.

 

[Annegelic]

wow, for a bunch of people you claim to hate, you sure followed up on alot of research and background info just to create a page wholly on them. you don't know them personally, so how can you judge them ? are you their manager's neighbour ? are you pierre's cousin's brother in law ? for people you hate, you put alot of effort into it.

 

[Purp|e]

this > any of those other sites :uhhuh: