*Crushed!* (1 Viewer)

[OS]

Okay, how's this......... You're getting on really well with someone of the opposite sex (if ur heterosexual,as in my case) and you can talk to them really well. Then you realize you LIKE them, and that seems to change things.......... You start not knowing what way to look at them, getting nervous and thinking "Why did I say that?'' etc. You actually wish you had never let your feelings become stronger for them.......... You actually begin to think that making the next move will ruin the friendship you've got......... Anyone have/had this problem??? Where to go from here???

 

[OS]

Please help, guys..........

 

[tempco]

erm, well it sounds like you're suppressing your feelings out of fear - you're scared he might not like you, you're scared things might not work out the way you want it to. if you like him, act as though you like him, if that makes sense. i mean, being more distant isn't going to help much.

 

[OS]

Yeah it happens.. suddenly there is tension there when before there wasn't.

I fell for someone I worked with once when she got sick... like really sick.
At the time it felt like full on love, and could have been if she responded,
but now I think it was my maternal side.. (my lactating boobs were a big hint )
(Yes I am male ).

I think the best thing is to find out/know if the other person is single, involved,
being chased by others or looking. Depending on how busy they are socially,
you can decide to just sit down with them and tell them you have feelings for
them. It's is *so* much better to actually say it, even if you get turned down.
Ok if you know they are a scumbag and will trash your feelings then that's a
risk, but mostly people care about how they treat others and they will be respectful.
If thye are interested, you win. If they are not, then at least you know.

Good luck.

I am thinking that this person has never DREAMED of ME liking HIM in THAT WAY.... And I wish I could say I didn't and keep things simple.... I reckon it's inrequited luv and that makes it hurt all the more.......... Damn.

 

[jumb]

Where to go from here???

The bedroom, obviously.

The important thing is to not place too much pressure on the relationship or yourself.

 

[OS]

The bedroom, obviously.

The important thing is to not place too much pressure on the relationship or yourself.

Oh yeah, I don't think we will ever get to that.... (See above)

 

[OS]

You could just fall back to the basics:

Men are either horny or hungry. If he doesn't have an erection, make him a sandwich.

Give him a blowjob. He'll pay you more attention.

Uh huh yeah.......... *shakes head in disbelief at male response to the situation*
With that in mind now when I see him I will be more of a bumbling idiot...... So much for getting along well. He'll be like ''What's with her lately?" Or maybe he knows.....

 

[tempco]

HELLO, it sounds like you don't have much confidence in yourself.

I am thinking that this person has never DREAMED of ME liking HIM in THAT WAY

and how would you know? quite a few guys aren't able to convey their emotions... you won't know for sure until you tell him.

 

[jumb]

Uh huh yeah.......... *shakes head in disbelief at male response to the situation*

You mean you actually expect a serious response from HERE?

 

[OS]

HELLO, it sounds like you don't have much confidence in yourself.


and how would you know? quite a few guys aren't able to convey their emotions... you won't know for sure until you tell him.

Ok, righteo, but how should I go about this?? I think it would kill me. Perhaps a note, but I did that once before and *cringes* I spilled my heart and the guy at the time practically threw it back at me. *sobs*

 

[OS]

You mean you actually expect a serious response from HERE?

Maybe we need some female imput. Thanks anyway, Jumb.....

 

[Skittled]

Anyone have/had this problem??? Where to go from here???

Pretty common problem, actually. As I think half the thread-makers in love and relationships who are asking for advice know, in the end you've gotta make the decision, because you know the situation best. A 6 line explanation goes nowhere near your understanding of the nuances of your relationship.

Regardless, if you're beginning to like him, so be it. He mightn't be feeling the same way... what triggered this? Have you both been spending hours on end together, or it is some sudden (clueless-esque) ephiphany you've had? If it's the former, then in my experience you've got a better chance at having 'something' with him. If it's a blinding flash of the obvious, less so.

Thinking that making the next move will ruin the relationship is natural, but can you resist doing it? If you don't make the next move, you'll at least want to forever... *not* making the move is really just putting off the option of making the move till next time. Better question is to ask wherther your friendship with him would be able to survive a subtle 'move', and how subtle a move you can orchestrate... the more subtle, the more recoverable, but the less certain either of you are.

In the end, though, new lovey-dovies don't seem to see how blatantly obvious they and their attraction is. Are you doing htings that people 'together' would? Sitting on lawns, extended phone calls, feelings of MUTUAL tension? If so, chances are you're both paranoid of destorying your relationship, so nothing'll happen...

My advice: make a subtle move. (but nothing cliche that involves the excuse "but I was drunk!")

(hope you got something out of that rambly essay...)

 

[padutz]

a girl and i got on like a house on fire.... she was my best friend and i thought nothing could get between us . . .

then we went out and it ruined everything!!!! dnt make the same mistake i did and just take advantage of the friendship you have because friendships last longer than relationships.... well at this age anyway

goodluck

 

[OS]

Pretty common problem, actually. As I think half the thread-makers in love and relationships who are asking for advice know, in the end you've gotta make the decision, because you know the situation best. A 6 line explanation goes nowhere near your understanding of the nuances of your relationship.

Regardless, if you're beginning to like him, so be it. He mightn't be feeling the same way... what triggered this? Have you both been spending hours on end together, or it is some sudden (clueless-esque) ephiphany you've had? If it's the former, then in my experience you've got a better chance at having 'something' with him. If it's a blinding flash of the obvious, less so.

Thinking that making the next move will ruin the relationship is natural, but can you resist doing it? If you don't make the next move, you'll at least want to forever... *not* making the move is really just putting off the option of making the move till next time. Better question is to ask wherther your friendship with him would be able to survive a subtle 'move', and how subtle a move you can orchestrate... the more subtle, the more recoverable, but the less certain either of you are.

In the end, though, new lovey-dovies don't seem to see how blatantly obvious they and their attraction is. Are you doing htings that people 'together' would? Sitting on lawns, extended phone calls, feelings of MUTUAL tension? If so, chances are you're both paranoid of destorying your relationship, so nothing'll happen...

My advice: make a subtle move. (but nothing cliche that involves the excuse "but I was drunk!")

(hope you got something out of that rambly essay...)

We are pretty friendly but we're workmates and I'm not sure if this is a no-go zone......... but I feel especially for him suddenly....... you know imagining me + him as more than just this sort of contact....... but how the hell would I take it further in this environment??? I think I should just forget it but then......

 

[Pierotte]

Ok, female point of view:

In my experience guys are really quite straight forward in adressing how they feel.

Meanwhile girls are really quite retarded in this area, we tend to flirt with people we dont like and ignore or act awkwardly around the ones we do.

Anyway just try act natural, and ask him the simplest of simple questions "so [insert guys name here] do you like anyone at the moment?

I know it sounds SOOOO yr 6, but you will be able to tell if he is interested in you at all by his responce.

Last time i asked that it prevented me from making a huge mistake as the guy went " oh so youve noticed!! So tell me would it be a wise ideas to ask [girls name who is not me] out? ..." he then proceeded to spill his guts, and it ended in him saying "Thnx, ur a great friend"

at that moment i knew that i didnt even like him either ... sometimes the lack of eligible guys makes you think you want to go out with a friend... but in reality you just want someone like them.... but not them...

Sheesh did that make sense?

Just think about it, do you like him? Or just the thought of him? Can you see your self having intimate/sexual moments with him? or simply do you see him as the kind of guy you just want to spend the rest of your life with? IS there any physical attraction? Or only his personality?

Now this may sound wrong, and you may say "well all that matters is his personality" ... well when ur going out with someone... no, thats not all that matters, if it is you are deemed to stay friends, and only friends.

Hope that helps.

 

[jumb]

girls are really quite retarded

Yeah.

On topic: you're talking to OS, so sexual intamacy is probably non-relevant.

 

[withoutaface]

You have reached a fork in the road!

If you are hot, please turn to page 18, where you will be told to fuck his brains out.
If not, turn to page 26, which contains instructions on how to go down the road, and not across the street.

 

[cabanaboy21]

The important thing is to not place too much pressure on the relationship or yourself.

Yeh i agree... find out how he/she feels an if its unanimous you must have sex with them

 

[iambored]

skittled's post is good



i personally think it's a bit soon to be telling him, it's normal for these feelings to happen but i don't think you will know if you truly like him for some time yet.

if it's come on suddenly it's also normal that you get impatient and want to do something right now, but i really think you should wait at least another month or two. it's all too sudden for you to know your true feelings, you might not know even in a month or two.

it also depends how often you see each other. not seeing him is not going to make the feelings go away but it should make you more cautious of the reasons you like him. seeing him will give you a chance to suss him out and see what you think.

i am so tired this post doesn't make sense.

 

[OS]

Yeah.

On topic: you're talking to OS, so sexual intamacy is probably non-relevant.

Grrrr..... BTW, that's ''intimacy'' with an ''i'' and the word is ''irrelevant'' not ''non-relevant''.....