Do your parents approve? (2 Viewers)

[s2caz]

i dont communicate with my dad much so he doesnt know anything about me so no~ he doesnt really care i suppose although he saw me with my first boyfriend and didnt say anything until a year later which was "are you still going out with that guy?" (wth?? -__-)
and with my mum, she wants to know EVERYTHING and EVERYONE i hang out with which is O.K but kind of arghh~~ she knows about all my ex's and tends to judge them on how they act towards her..

 

[sunjet]

my parents are fine, but i remember my first girlfriend my mum was weird when she found out i got with a girl

 

[ujuphleg]

Just out of curiosity, do any of you actively tell your parents about your partner, does it just come up in conversation, or do they only find out when they walk in on you?

Yes, I tell them, even if I know they won't like it. Being honest with them in the short term yields much better results then lying to them in the long term.... having said that, I'm still in a real dilemma about a situation thats arising and whether I should tell them or not, knowing full well they'll say no.

My major concerns with Asian parents in general are that they are the ones that came to Australia, and the lifestyle is different here. Their children are brought up and raised in Aussie "culture", so how can they justify imposing their desires for their children? They should have just stayed in their country if they wanted their children to grow up exactly how they did.

Like I said, admittedly my parents are pretty good - they think that any other Asian parents who think that their children should only date other Asians are stupid! (we've met a few... it wasn't pleasant, especially when the other freaky parents wanted to set me up with their sons!! Thank goodness Mum and Dad are sensible in that way!)

I think alot of it has to do with a certain view they have of "white" people. They know all the benefits of bringing their children to Australia and they want them here to have a good life, but I think they are scared that they'll turn into their worst nightmare of the stereotype they were brought up with (the stereotype: the bimbo-slut who is uneducated and has 11 children by the time she's 18)

Even though they know that their daughters are usually sensible and intelligent, they have a fear that they can't shake off. As far as I've seen, most are fairly good, some are just scary. I agree though, those who are eager to raise their children exactly the same way they were should go back to where they came from. There are a lot out there who are trying though, very hard, like my parents are.

 

[glitterfairy]

Like I said, admittedly my parents are pretty good - they think that any other Asian parents who think that their children should only date other Asians are stupid! (we've met a few... it wasn't pleasant, especially when the other freaky parents wanted to set me up with their sons!! Thank goodness Mum and Dad are sensible in that way!)

I think alot of it has to do with a certain view they have of "white" people. They know all the benefits of bringing their children to Australia and they want them here to have a good life, but I think they are scared that they'll turn into their worst nightmare of the stereotype they were brought up with (the stereotype: the bimbo-slut who is uneducated and has 11 children by the time she's 18)

Even though they know that their daughters are usually sensible and intelligent, they have a fear that they can't shake off. As far as I've seen, most are fairly good, some are just scary. I agree though, those who are eager to raise their children exactly the same way they were should go back to where they came from. There are a lot out there who are trying though, very hard, like my parents are.

You should totally become my sister, Susan. My mum's a progressive asian to the point where she actually badmouths "typical asians", on a whole variety of topics without shame (whilst I'm single atm, I know she'd love it if my boyfriend wasn't asian, even better if he compliments her cooking ).

Yes, I tell them, even if I know they won't like it. Being honest with them in the short term yields much better results then lying to them in the long term.... having said that, I'm still in a real dilemma about a situation thats arising and whether I should tell them or not, knowing full well they'll say no.

Assuming this is what I think it is, I guess this boils down to how much you're willing to let the parental "I don't want you to do this aka don't you dare do it" affect you... you are old enough to make your own decisions now, and I wish they would realise that you're sensible enough to avoid 'bad' situations (in fact I'd say you're a heck of a lot more sensible than 95% of the people our age that I know). That being said I totally understand the guilt factor... I know my mum doesn't have the same views as your mum does on this particular subject but I would still feel TERRIBLE doing something that she really doesn't want me to/feels is very wrong, simply because she's my mum. And that's just the way it is

 

[ujuphleg]

You should totally become my sister, Susan.

Somehow, I think we're just too different

My mum's a progressive asian to the point where she actually badmouths "typical asians", on a whole variety of topics without shame (whilst I'm single atm, I know she'd love it if my boyfriend wasn't asian, even better if he compliments her cooking ).

Oh my Mum badmouths typical Asians as well, as do I. Only today she said "Bloody female Asian drivers!!" when one pulled out in front of her in the carpark.

I say the same thing

Like I said, they are trying.

Assuming this is what I think it is, I guess this boils down to how much you're willing to let the parental "I don't want you to do this aka don't you dare do it" affect you... you are old enough to make your own decisions now, and I wish they would realise that you're sensible enough to avoid 'bad' situations

Trust me, I wish they will too. And yes, you are right, they'll do the "We don't approve song" which will just make me even more upset.

I think I have a plan though but we'll see.

 

[ameh]

My conservative parents prefer me to send home the boy I'm long-term dating and check if he's marriage-able material. They find time spent on study and time wasted on boyfriend to be an inverse relationship of sorts.

I've got a fairly open minded and progressive Asian mum who's ok with guy-friends as long as I don't abort fetuses and contract various STD's every so often.
With daddums, he'd much rather I avoid anything phallus-like the plague because ''He knows how evil /capable of/ phallic members can be'' and the thought of his innocent ogm-my-daughters hymen is intact-linked with raging phallic imagery might be too much to bear. So yeah, he still treats me like the little girl I am which is odd, I was grounded for about a month because our neighbour {spanish boy} actualised our kisschasey fantasies. The rents caught me in the toolshed downstairs - back in 3rd grade

The potential partner however, would preferably NOT be an international student and an ABC instead. Mum often implies she'd set me up with a distant friend of a friend whose -insert-distinguished-profession- would financially secure my/HER future retirement if only she had more solid connections.

Although dad trusts my judgment up to a certain point - in that he knows I'm too arrogant to go out with an idiot/manwhore {What Justin said}.

 

[grk_styl]

My conservative parents prefer me to send home the boy I'm long-term dating and check if he's marriage-able material. They find time spent on study and time wasted on boyfriend to be an inverse relationship of sorts.

I've got a fairly open minded and progressive Asian mum who's ok with guy-friends as long as I don't abort fetuses and contract various STD's every so often.
With daddums, he'd much rather I avoid anything phallus-like the plague because ''He knows how evil /capable of/ phallic members can be'' and the thought of his innocent ogm-my-daughters hymen is intact-linked with raging phallic imagery might be too much to bear. So yeah, he still treats me like the little girl I am which is odd, I was grounded for about a month because our neighbour {spanish boy} actualised our kisschasey fantasies. The rents caught me in the toolshed downstairs - back in 3rd grade .

ameh, your parents sound like mine!
my father thinks that I still see boys as "ewww germy". he got a rude shock when i went out on a few dates last year. He actually said to me, "you don't really talk to boys, do you?" Oh dear. Do they have to be so ignorant?

I put it down to ignorance. My father's mind is still back in the Village in Greece (he still tells us about the animals which i'm sure are long gone), and my mother got married at 17 so she knows nothing about society and growing up as a 19 year old in our society.

I pray to God I won't be like them

 

[melsc]

i agree - i have parents with completely different views - my mum told my in yr 9 she didn't want me kissing boys which was embarrassing because all my friends had had ehaps of boyfriends before and i felt like i have been infantilised - maybe it's part of oldest-child syndrome, maybe it's not uncommon

This happened to me, I am the oldest and was told no boyfriend till after HSC. So when uni started I started going out with my current b/f, it makes things hard since I have no relationship experience at all.

My parents at first seemed accepting, then started thinking he is taking me away from my studies etc... they are starting almost three months later to accept him. They like him as a person but have a problem with the whole concept of a b/f.

 

[Casmira]

ameh, your parents sound like mine!
my father thinks that I still see boys as "ewww germy". he got a rude shock when i went out on a few dates last year. He actually said to me, "you don't really talk to boys, do you?" Oh dear. Do they have to be so ignorant?

I put it down to ignorance. My father's mind is still back in the Village in Greece (he still tells us about the animals which i'm sure are long gone), and my mother got married at 17 so she knows nothing about society and growing up as a 19 year old in our society.

I pray to God I won't be like them

my mother got married at 19 and father 21 they also reminsce times in greece on how you'd meet a girl. but don't forget they grew up alot quicker than we all did, armed with typical greek-paranoia and you got yourself a strict couple of parents. dont let it rub off on you though, its working on me i might turn into one of them

 

[ameh]

ameh, your parents sound like mine!
my father thinks that I still see boys as "ewww germy". he got a rude shock when i went out on a few dates last year. He actually said to me, "you don't really talk to boys, do you?" Oh dear. Do they have to be so ignorant?

I put it down to ignorance. My father's mind is still back in the Village in Greece (he still tells us about the animals which i'm sure are long gone), and my mother got married at 17 so she knows nothing about society and growing up as a 19 year old in our society.

I pray to God I won't be like them

Haha . .
ok this is how it works.
I mention a guy, parents reaction: OGM YOU'VE BEEN GOING OUT WITH HIM AND YOU HAVENT TOLD US OGM1!!
I mention this guy is a friend: OGM GUYFRIENDS = BABIEZ
Retort that i'd turn lesbian with their overprotectiveness = NO YOU WONT. WE HAVE AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE W. A DOWRY OF 3 GOATS, TWO HENS READY FOR YOU.

Glad i'm not the only one living under a dictatorship.

 

[Casmira]

im 18 and my parents think im read for a girl, they said find one too go out with that you're ready too marry. i havent given someone a blank stare for that long in my life after they told me that
even I think thats absurd!

 

[ameh]

The irony is that half my family are fucking Hellenised and not anatolians anyway.

Lol.

 

[Supra]

im indian...normally indian parents would be like wtf, concentrate on uni...my dad found out coz he saw a picture in my wallet, and my brothers also saw pics of her on my phone...My mum found out directly from me.

My parents havent really said anything against me having a girlfriend, probably because I've never been happier. Of course if i fuck up uni exams they might blame it on me spending too much time with her. I havent introduced them either, so htey know but yeh My mum likes her from what i told her

She eventually told her parents, I didnt want her to...but yeh they are in denial, and the father saw me drive off once when i visited her. I dont think they like the idea of their daughter having a boyfriend...

 

[flipsyde]

I can't really vote in this poll because the answer is yes, no AND they don't care. I've been in other relationships prior to the one that I'm in now and they didn't know about them. I didn't tell them because not only would they disappove because they'd think I was too young. They'd disapporove because of the sorts of guys I was dating.

But the relationship I'm in now... he INSISTED that I tell my parents about us or he would. Which would have been a bad thing. So he came with me the day that I decided to break the news. They were okay with it to start with... dad was being kinda nosey and asking me VERY inappropriate questions after a few days/weeks, until I told him to stop it.

Now they sort of get into arguments with me about him, but at the same time they think hes a decent guy, they also stay out of it as I have told them I'm not answering any questions about us, him, or me in relation to the relationship...they're being very inappropriate. I'm not too happy about the arguments that they have with me and themselves about him, I try to stay out of it as much as possible. I'm old enough now to make responsible decisions about who I date, so no matter what they say, there's nothing they can do.

They also fear that it will effect uni... I think not...we'll just have to wait and see now won't we.

 

[goldendawn]

You should totally become my sister, Susan. My mum's a progressive asian to the point where she actually badmouths "typical asians", on a whole variety of topics without shame (whilst I'm single atm, I know she'd love it if my boyfriend wasn't asian, even better if he compliments her cooking ).


Assuming this is what I think it is, I guess this boils down to how much you're willing to let the parental "I don't want you to do this aka don't you dare do it" affect you... you are old enough to make your own decisions now, and I wish they would realise that you're sensible enough to avoid 'bad' situations (in fact I'd say you're a heck of a lot more sensible than 95% of the people our age that I know). That being said I totally understand the guilt factor... I know my mum doesn't have the same views as your mum does on this particular subject but I would still feel TERRIBLE doing something that she really doesn't want me to/feels is very wrong, simply because she's my mum. And that's just the way it is

My mum's a progressive Greek, haha. Rather than wanting me to do things the good ol' Greek way, she thinks I should be out having a good time - which I'm not, so she thinks I'm really quite boring, lolz. Well, it's all her fault anyway - she's given me no reason to rebel .

 

[grk_styl]

Haha . .
ok this is how it works.
I mention a guy, parents reaction: OGM YOU'VE BEEN GOING OUT WITH HIM AND YOU HAVENT TOLD US OGM1!!
I mention this guy is a friend: OGM GUYFRIENDS = BABIEZ
Retort that i'd turn lesbian with their overprotectiveness = NO YOU WONT. WE HAVE AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE W. A DOWRY OF 3 GOATS, TWO HENS READY FOR YOU.

Glad i'm not the only one living under a dictatorship.

oh my god. it's the EXACT same in my family. I'm talking, the EXACT same.
I mention a guy friend who is Greek and my mother has us married, my father dies at all mention of the male species.

I feel sorry for my boyfriend. He tries so hard to please the parents, and I know he feels dejected sometimes.

It runs in my whole family. My Godfather married a Croat just to piss off his mother (who is like a grandaunt to me). He has high blood pressure. They blamed it on my godmother "if she was greek, he would be ok". He injured his thigh and it didnt really recover "Croats can't take care of men like Greek women can".

It's a fucking disease. The irony is that half my family are fucking Hellenised and not anatolians anyway.

rofl, i've heard the same thing so many times. I can understand the parentals wanting me to marry a Greek, keep the tradition going, etc etc. But it's my choice in the end. Even now I'm dating a Greek, they're still not happy. Can't fucken please em lol

Though, it's comforting to know that some of you guys know exactly how I feel

 

[Project]

Imagine a Greek and Asian couple... family disownage haha

 

[Casmira]

oh its happend

ive had a lot of people tell me isnt it in our religion [orthadox] to marry another greek? not exactly, i know alot of greek/croatian, greek/italian, greek/other random with catholic religion mixes. a long time ago the catholic or the orthadox would have to convert, recently i've been told they just "say a line" ? :S

 

[seremify007]

What they don't know can't hurt 'em. That's my principle with everything and telling rents nothing.

 

[Casmira]

dont you admit that in some aspects when you stop and listen to their advice it is actually true? or when follow it you find how "hold on a sec i was totally off"