English Essay, Physical Journey (1 Viewer)

[st1m]

Ok guys now that i finished it and already handed it in i want to know your opinion of the two reflections about these two types of physical journey.

Please give me an idea of how much i would roughly get out of 15

You may use my reflection for future reference

bye

 

[bored of sc]

Great analyses - as it is succinct in its expression, eloquently written and genuinely heartfealt

The only main criticism I have is that are using 'I' alot. This gives your responses less credibility and more subjectivity. Make all you repsponses third person - impersonalise it so it 'seems' objective and unbiased - enough though it may not be. Also, you use the indefinite article (in other words you say 'a' and 'an' - making the events seems like any event (if you get my drift)). To pin-point that particular event or situation you should utilise the definite article (in other words 'the' and 'this') to make what you are referring to more accurate.

Other than that - quite good!

Just watch your sentence structure - it is a little awkward at times.

I haven't read those texts so I can't give a good indication of the marks you are going to receive but I'd say probably a B.

I am no english marker but its probably worth between 11 and 13 /15 (in my opinion). 11 if you are unlucky and 13 if you are lucky.

good luck

P.S I am just some random person your age who is not very good at english (see my grammatic errors)! So definitely don't take my word for it.



So well done.

P.P.S WHAT EXACTLY IS THE QUESTION!!

 

[st1m]

Great analyses - as it is succinct in its expression, eloquently written and genuinely heartfealt

The only main criticism I have is that are using 'I' alot. This gives your responses less credibility and more subjectivity. Make all you repsponses third person - impersonalise it so it 'seems' objective and unbiased - enough though it may not be. Also, you use the indefinite article (in other words you say 'a' and 'an' - making the events seems like any event (if you get my drift)). To pin-point that particular event or situation you should utilise the definite article (in other words 'the' and 'this') to make what you are referring to more accurate.

Other than that - quite good!

Just watch your sentence structure - it is a little awkward at times.

I haven't read those texts so I can't give a good indication of the marks you are going to receive but I'd say probably a B.

I am no english marker but its probably worth between 11 and 13 /15 (in my opinion). 11 if you are unlucky and 13 if you are lucky.

good luck

P.S I am just some random person your age who is not very good at english (see my grammatic errors)! So definitely don't take my word for it.



So well done.

P.P.S WHAT EXACTLY IS THE QUESTION!!

Hi bored of sc

Thanks alot for taking the time in reading it and wow, you really seem like a very literate person. You have great analysing skills

The reason why i used I and other subjective terms is because it is a reflection so we had to use subjective terms. One of the questions asked us for our opinion on the physical journey.

I can't remember exactly what the question was, however it was something to do with reflecting on a written text component, analysing it and writing our opinion on it and how it relates to the concept of physical journeys.

I will write the question soon, I'm in a hurry at the moment .

Thanks for your time and your suggested marks.

regards

St1m

 

[The Kaiser]

Well your "evidence" (in other words techniques) is very solid. You have a wide range of visual and language techniques and many quotes so in that retrospect there is no problem. :uhhuh:

Try the avoid the 1st person pronoun in essays, the teachers know that it is your own personal response anyway so keep the use of 'I,we,us' to a minimum and replace it with "the audience" or the "reader".

My "advice" would be to improve on vocabuary and fluency, though your essay is very well structured and clearly expressed it seems to lack a "critical" discussion IMO, but maybe its just me. (it probably is just me)

My own personal "mark" would be around 13/15 (A-) but I'm not a very skilled analyser nor an English Teacher. So whatever mark you get (I'm pretty sure it will be high, but I don't think it will be "perfect" full marks high) and if you're not happy just ask your teacher about how you can improve.

 

[Rhanoct]

question isn't made obvious in your answer
don't use first person- you can still give your opinion without saying 'I think...'

other than that it's pretty good