Essay Feedback Please (1 Viewer)

mmmm.

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Could i get some feedback on my essay and what you think i would get out of 20. I wrote this while doing the 2016 paper in timed conditions and just typed up my response.

Thankyou in advance
 

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jasminerulez

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Could i get some feedback on my essay and what you think i would get out of 20. I wrote this while doing the 2016 paper in timed conditions and just typed up my response.

Thankyou in advance
Maybe like a 18/20, only because you didn't have a third body paragraph and plus there needs to be more business terminology. Other then that, it has great statistics and cases that answers the question effectively.
 

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