ok. my very best "guy" friend has a real knack for getting himself into situations where he likes a girl and all they want is to be friends. i was the first girl this happened with a couple of years ago unfortunately, so i want to try my best to make things better for him... anyone got any advice?
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"friend" material (2 Viewers)
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Dreamerish*~
Love Addict - Nakashima
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§oph said:
Is that a little contradictory? He likes the girls, they just want to be friends. But he takes things too slow and sets him up as only a friend?§oph said:
Let him experience the crapness (or wonderfulness) of love. He lives, he learns.
You can't mother his relationships for him.well, wat i mean by "taking things too slow" is that he never appears to be interested in a girl... he's a bit on the shy side and doesnt want to look like an idiot if it turns out theyre not interested. i reckon he needs a bit more "go get em" - if he misses a couple of times, no biggie, in the long run it ll work better? just my opinion
Skittled
What did the crab do?
I'm sure the Ladder Theory disciples will try to enlighten you as to why he ends up just being a friend§oph said:
... Hear hear. Repped.Dreamerish*~ said:
There's so much that could be said here, in the end, but it's all speculative and peoples' opinions. In the end, he's not being 'boyfriend-y' enough (and that distinction is something that "ladder-theory" has got down-pat well enough).. but what 'boyfriend-y' is will change depending on the girl.
Give it time, he'll become a little more cynical through experience and find someone who fits his personality better than the people he's approaching at the moment...
shortie_689
Member
Never set yourself up for a fall...
After many years of guys fucking me round I now no longer hold any expectation of a guy so if he lets me down it doesnt bother me in any way at all...
After many years of guys fucking me round I now no longer hold any expectation of a guy so if he lets me down it doesnt bother me in any way at all...
not sure i see the logic in that, but if someone gets their hopes up after having made a move on someone... theyre bound to feel disappointed... and he's fairly sensitive about himself... puts himself down easily, so he'd feel like an idiot.
i spose. being a girl who expects to be approached, i dont know about getting turned down
i spose. being a girl who expects to be approached, i dont know about getting turned down
shortie_689
Member
ok i see a problem here with ur wat seems like guilt... does he often complain about how rejected he is... I see this as a technique to get u to feel guilty therefore instilling in your mind the thought that you should go out with him to help him out§oph said:
Serius
Beyond Godlike
tell him to stop being a nice guy. infact he should act like a complete asshole atleast for a while to get out of the nice guy routine.
once he stops being nice and starts looking out for his own interests then he will be dateable. he wil be able to approach girls because he wont care about looking like an idiot, because he will be going for what he wants.
Tell him to put his cards on the table straight away and in the first 3 mins of meeting a girl, subtly let her know you are interested in her for a relationship, not for a friendship.
if girls keep giving him a LJBF then tell him to just say " i have plenty of friends thankyou" and walk away.
he needs to be an arrogant prick who is just looking out for his own interests.
btw i dont actually mean this, but when you are in niceguy mode, acting like an arrogant prick in the nice guys mode is what us guys who go for the girls do... so its akin to telling him to act normal.
if he does actually start to what the rest of us define as act like an arrogant pig, then tell him to tone it down
its basically about self confidence so goodluck to your mate
once he stops being nice and starts looking out for his own interests then he will be dateable. he wil be able to approach girls because he wont care about looking like an idiot, because he will be going for what he wants.
Tell him to put his cards on the table straight away and in the first 3 mins of meeting a girl, subtly let her know you are interested in her for a relationship, not for a friendship.
if girls keep giving him a LJBF then tell him to just say " i have plenty of friends thankyou" and walk away.
he needs to be an arrogant prick who is just looking out for his own interests.
btw i dont actually mean this, but when you are in niceguy mode, acting like an arrogant prick in the nice guys mode is what us guys who go for the girls do... so its akin to telling him to act normal.
if he does actually start to what the rest of us define as act like an arrogant pig, then tell him to tone it down
its basically about self confidence so goodluck to your mate
yeh... ah well...
oh, i have a second question, cant be bothered to start a new thread... see when this friend of mine first met me... he realy liked me, and as i was hopeleslly head over heels with a guy who was totally out of my league i was completely uniterested.... ppl who've been in this position? i felt kinda bad about it at the time... now we joke about it... how bout u?
oh, i have a second question, cant be bothered to start a new thread... see when this friend of mine first met me... he realy liked me, and as i was hopeleslly head over heels with a guy who was totally out of my league
i was completely uniterested.... ppl who've been in this position? i felt kinda bad about it at the time... now we joke about it... how bout u?"tell him to stop being a nice guy. infact he should act like a complete asshole atleast for a while to get out of the nice guy routine.
once he stops being nice and starts looking out for his own interests then he will be dateable. he wil be able to approach girls because he wont care about looking like an idiot, because he will be going for what he wants.
Tell him to put his cards on the table straight away and in the first 3 mins of meeting a girl, subtly let her know you are interested in her for a relationship, not for a friendship.
if girls keep giving him a LJBF then tell him to just say " i have plenty of friends thankyou" and walk away.
he needs to be an arrogant prick who is just looking out for his own interests.
btw i dont actually mean this, but when you are in niceguy mode, acting like an arrogant prick in the nice guys mode is what us guys who go for the girls do... so its akin to telling him to act normal.
if he does actually start to what the rest of us define as act like an arrogant pig, then tell him to tone it down
its basically about self confidence so goodluck to your mate"
yeh thats wat i told him to do... glad someone agrees with me! ur a man after my own heart
once he stops being nice and starts looking out for his own interests then he will be dateable. he wil be able to approach girls because he wont care about looking like an idiot, because he will be going for what he wants.
Tell him to put his cards on the table straight away and in the first 3 mins of meeting a girl, subtly let her know you are interested in her for a relationship, not for a friendship.
if girls keep giving him a LJBF then tell him to just say " i have plenty of friends thankyou" and walk away.
he needs to be an arrogant prick who is just looking out for his own interests.
btw i dont actually mean this, but when you are in niceguy mode, acting like an arrogant prick in the nice guys mode is what us guys who go for the girls do... so its akin to telling him to act normal.
if he does actually start to what the rest of us define as act like an arrogant pig, then tell him to tone it down
its basically about self confidence so goodluck to your mate"
yeh thats wat i told him to do... glad someone agrees with me! ur a man after my own heart
Last edited by a moderator:
Komaticom said:
hmm... i don't think so... since then hes self-esteem has got significantly better... still a bit low tho...these things happen with time... i had fairly low self esteem just b4 all this started... and i think im fairly normal now tho! (having a long term bf who feeds my ego helps tho
)
hipPo3
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if u want to help him then just do what good friends do, hang out and have a blast.
ur not his mother .. hes a big boy, let him learn his mistakes by himself
its like u want him to be constantly happy which is impossibly .. unless he was some kind of emtion absorbing toilet roll o.0
ur not his mother .. hes a big boy, let him learn his mistakes by himself
its like u want him to be constantly happy which is impossibly .. unless he was some kind of emtion absorbing toilet roll o.0
Nah, I think that's BS. Just don't try to go out with people that you've already set up a rapport as friends with. If all else fails, read my high quality sex guide's sections on Relationships with Friends (no, I won't paste it here).Serius said:
azzie
so delicious...
why is it that all the guys around me are all friend material? i couldnt date any of them.
how come everyone else has so many people they want to date around them?
how come everyone else has so many people they want to date around them?
Serius
Beyond Godlike
the thing is, i gave that as advice because he doesnt seem to be able to tell the difference between setting up rapport with friends and trying to start a relationship, like his idea of trying to start a relationship is being friends first and then trying for a warm pickup
bscienceboi
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You've done it to him so wouldn't YOU know the answer to your own question?§oph said:
Maybe he is proceeding too slowly and the female begins to think that being a friend is all that he thinks of them.