"friend" material (3 Viewers)

[Rafy]

Christ, the situation in this thread is disturbingly familiar.... :-| (even down to names)

Watch this with much interest i shall.

 

[AsyLum]

ok. my very best "guy" friend has a real knack for getting himself into situations where he likes a girl and all they want is to be friends. i was the first girl this happened with a couple of years ago unfortunately, so i want to try my best to make things better for him... anyone got any advice?

Haha being a professional third wheel during high school, i suggest he make his intentions clear from the onset, it sucks being friends with chics you want more from, so crash and burn at the beginning and get on with it and be a friend, or if you're lucky, go for it

At least then you've got the intention made pretty clear, rather than beating around the bush.

 

[^CoSMic DoRiS^^]

well, wat i mean by "taking things too slow" is that he never appears to be interested in a girl... he's a bit on the shy side and doesnt want to look like an idiot if it turns out theyre not interested. i reckon he needs a bit more "go get em" - if he misses a couple of times, no biggie, in the long run it ll work better? just my opinion

i completely understand the shy thing - i used to be like that and i still am in a way. but i've learned that being straightforward is just so much easier and gets way better results in the long run the first 4 guys or so that i really liked i was too shy to talk to, but the next one was interested - because i was heaps more direct with him. if your friend is really really shy, the only thing i can suggest is that he simply throws caution to the wind and goes for it. the longer he stays in his shell, the harder it'll be for him to crawl out. but it's something he has to do himself, you can only support him. good luck

 

[Marcus Aurelius]

I'm sure the Ladder Theory disciples will try to enlighten you as to why he ends up just being a friend ...

Btw post maker you can find this ladder theory stuff on www.intellectualwhores.com and just look for ladder theory. I feel sorry for this guy his probably done very little wrong and yet his always stuck on the 'friends' side.

 

[azzie]

Btw post maker you can find this ladder theory stuff on www.intellectualwhores.com and just look for ladder theory. I feel sorry for this guy his probably done very little wrong and yet his always stuck on the 'friends' side.

the ladder theory is a load of crap
its about how you present youself to other people, not about money or such- maybe that theory would work if you were living in miami or some other place like that where people dont give you the time of day if u dont drive a porsche and own 3 houses.

 

[azzie]

Are they not expressing an interest in you, or you are eliminating them as potential boyfriends because of your selection criteria? Do you need to go out and find a hot guy at a club and take it from there, avoiding the "we've gone too far as friends to start dating" thing? If that's so you will begin your clubbing pitfalls education soon enough G'luck with that :uhhuh:

no, its mostly me going "i dont like them in *that* way."
and one or two of them are hot and single, its just that i feel anything amazing with them. theres none of the butterflies lovey kinda stuff.
one day dammit, one day.

 

[Serius]

i don think the ladder theory is right exactly... but i think it is good for niceguys to beleive its right, or to atleast act according to ladder theory. it is very effective at changing the thinking of a niceguy and letting him know that he wont get the girl by acting like a friend[ a common missconception among niceguys]

if they beleive ladder theory and start acting according to ladder theory the nice guys should become more aggressive and go after what they want, instead of acting like a whipped little bitch who can only be friends with girls.
if anything it will make them more cynical of how the world works.

but azzie, you are right in that ultimately what it actually says is wrong, all ot does is mirror the dating game in a cynical way which helps niceguys out of their shells. i doubt it actually has any real bearing on most relationships

 

[illuzionz]

i read this sumwhere else. that guys will want to be friends first, and then progress into a serious relationship once they no that hey have someone they can really be with, and be happy.

it sez girls dont see it this way, why not?

seems pretty stupid to 'go out' with someone cos theyre just some hot random.

ps. im talkin in the sense of proper relationships, not just fun, in which case its diff

 

[azzie]

i read this sumwhere else. that guys will want to be friends first, and then progress into a serious relationship once they no that hey have someone they can really be with, and be happy.

it sez girls dont see it this way, why not?

seems pretty stupid to 'go out' with someone cos theyre just some hot random.

ps. im talkin in the sense of proper relationships, not just fun, in which case its diff

i want to be friends with a guy before i go out with them.
kinda logical. you want to know what a person is like before u get into some massive relationship then find out they're a freaky stalker or kidnapper etc

 

[adambra]

I've noticed girls say they want to get to know you first before going out, then once you've become friends a further relationship is too risky or too late.

 

[illuzionz]

i want to be friends with a guy before i go out with them.
kinda logical.

exactly, its logical right, glad u agree, so then whats with the lets just be friends line?

for all u know, that friendship could turn into so much more, so why assume its just going to not work and ruin a friendship?

 

[Rafy]

I've noticed girls say they want to get to know you first before going out, then once you've become friends a further relationship is too risky or too late.

Yes exactly! Thats what i just dont get.......you ask somebody out and they say they hardly know you etc etc, maybe we could go out later on.....

But then you get to know them, and then they say they just want to be good friends....

 

[illuzionz]

I've noticed girls say they want to get to know you first before going out, then once you've become friends a further relationship is too risky or too late.

spot on, first its i wanna get to kno u, then its, oh i know u too well, we cant go out

silly wenches

so its not just me then haha

 

[adambra]

spot on, first its i wanna get to kno u, then its, oh i know u too well, we cant go out

silly wenches

so its not just me then haha

My brothers, we suffer together...

 

[Marcus Aurelius]

the ladder theory is a load of crap
its about how you present youself to other people, not about money or such- maybe that theory would work if you were living in miami or some other place like that where people dont give you the time of day if u dont drive a porsche and own 3 houses.

Hahaha i didnt say i believed it, i doubt anyone would think in the simple terms 'yes they are fuckable' and 'no they arent', i was just referring the site as someone mentioneed lader theory earlier on......

btw Good luck with your friend thread maker

 

[transcendent]

no, its mostly me going "i dont like them in *that* way."
and one or two of them are hot and single, its just that i feel anything amazing with them. theres none of the butterflies lovey kinda stuff.
one day dammit, one day.

yeah but you never. generally you see someone and expect 'omg i really like this person or whatever'. but that's the kind of love at first sight thing. you never know if if meet some average person and they become the most amazing part of your life. if say you haven't felt this with the people you are with maybe it's the approach or vibe you give.
but i get what you mean. i haven't really met anyone at the moment that signals 'i really like this person and i wonder what would happen if we took it further'.

 

[Lhyviathan]

On this matter, a quote from the venerable bash.org:

DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

 

[wrong_turn]

i dont do anything as well. because i am too shy to do anything of that sort. id probaly trip even before i take a step

 

[braad]

The thing with me is that im not like shy or anything when it comes to that, but i actually would like to know a girl a bit before i make a move.....i dont want any nasty suprises do i? But i always end up becomming pretty good friends with the girl, and then she says she wants to keep it like that (as something more may ruin the friendship.....)

*sighs*

aww poor diddums

actually..yeh, me too

just, dont meet any girls

 

[matt#1]

Is that a little contradictory? He likes the girls, they just want to be friends. But he takes things too slow and sets him up as only a friend?

Let him experience the crapness (or wonderfulness) of love. He lives, he learns. You can't mother his relationships for him.

Dreamerish is always giving out invaluable advice on love and relationships. She is like a bos version of dollydoctor. errr...not that i've read dolly magazine *runs*.