Helping a gay friend (3 Viewers)

[fly.away.fairy]

My friend, lets call her Jane, recently told me she thought she might be a lesbian. She had liked other girls in school and hadnt even seen guys as attractive. shes had fantasies about girls but not about guys. Shes not about to come out cuz shes still very confused. Her mother is really religous and finds gays/lesbians wrong and bad. My friend doesnt want to hurt her mother and she also doesnt want "religous counselling" or watever. Shes sure her dad would accept her the wy she is and her brother too. But shes scared of what people might think of her. How can i help her. I havent been through this before so im not sure whats right or wrong. Any advice?

 

[Nesty]

tell her to be sure that she is gay first.. no point of telling everyone about it when you dun turn out to be.. and coming out is always a problem.. dun come out till you're comfortable about it.. cos if you have hard feelings about it and you care about what other people think.. then you're stuffed..

yeah also.. experiment a bit.. that's the best way to find out.. but by the sound of it.. she's pretty genuine gay..

good luck

 

[tres bien]

Yeah she doesn't need to come out about it yet, if at all. She is still trying to discover who she is and she needs time and space to do that, just encourage her to not let it ruin her life or her studying, as I've seen it happen to others.

 

[MiuMiu]

So many teens (Im talking more that 50%, a lot just don't admit it) spend some time wondering if they're gay. Most discover sex and decide its too good to be gay. Some don't.

Just tell your friend to give it some time, it would be a huge mistake to tell people you're gay and then actually decide you weren't. Just let her know that SHE is the one that has to be comfortable with her decisions.

 

[iamsickofyear12]

If she is hot, and is only attracted to hot girls and not the ugly butch and pierced chicks then she has nothing to worry about. Everybody loves lesbians like that.

 

[Casmira]

see i am religious too and id tell her to go try counselling but thats a very strongly biased opinon

 

[redruM]

see i am religious too and id tell her to go try counselling but thats a very strongly biased opinon

So, you are saying there is something wrong with being gay? If so, why?

 

[alby]

see i am religious too and id tell her to go try counselling but thats a very strongly biased opinon

sorry mate, but you can't make someone (who's already confused) tell all their secrets/feelings to someone they barely know, and expect them to magically get rid of these feelings and go straight again. it's hard enough for them to feel this way, let alone having people telling them to talk to some religious nazi who will tell them that they are completely wrong and have to stop thinking/feeling this way at once - seeing some religious 'counseller' will probably make her feel even worse and more confused.

 

[Ollz San]

My advice is: don't tell anyone. People don't walk around saying "I'm straight! I'm straight!" so why do people need to tell people that they are a gay or a lesbian?

Because everyone assume everyone else is straight.

-----

Tell your friend there is no need to rush things. If she is still confused there's no point in telling her parents.
It will become clear to her eventually.

And with the coming out to parents thingy. Be careful, not everything has a happy ending.

 

[MiuMiu]

What happened to you when you came out Ollz San?

 

[fearless86]

My advice is: don't tell anyone. People don't walk around saying "I'm straight! I'm straight!" so why do people need to tell people that they are a gay or a lesbian? This is only asking for trouble, and she doesn't need to tell her mum or dad or even you.

Tell her that time will reveal everything, and will make her much more mature on the issue. When she is young she may not approach it the right way. Tell her to not be eager, and to just take life as it comes.

She doesn't have to like girls or guys, and she doesn't have to live how her religious mother wants her to. If she is a lesbian, she shouldn't be scared of this.

well, its probably best not to tell anyone if shes sure shes going to get a bad, homophobic reaction. but theres no point in living a lie if it makes her unhappy.

maybe she isnt actually a lesbian, and shes still just confused. (although this one does sound certain to me) but its ok to just be honest about the fact that she is attracted to girls at the moment. whether this means she'll be attracted to them for life, doesnt matter. but its just nice to be able to be honest about how you feel without worrying that people will hate you for being yourself.

as for advice about what you should do about your friend- theres not a lot really. just be nice to her, discuss her crushes with her if she's happy to do that, go to mardi grad with her if you live in sydney and she doesnt have anyone else to go with. just encourage her to be honest with herself and maybe with your other friends. she doesnt have to say 'im a lesbian' but maybe just say 'yeah, i like some girls' or 'i think i might be gay but im not sure'. the more she finds out about the gay community and the more life experiences you have in general, the more sure of yourself you are, i reckon.

 

[Bookie]

My friend, lets call her Jane, recently told me she thought she might be a lesbian. She had liked other girls in school and hadnt even seen guys as attractive. shes had fantasies about girls but not about guys. Shes not about to come out cuz shes still very confused. Her mother is really religous and finds gays/lesbians wrong and bad. My friend doesnt want to hurt her mother and she also doesnt want "religous counselling" or watever. Shes sure her dad would accept her the wy she is and her brother too. But shes scared of what people might think of her. How can i help her. I havent been through this before so im not sure whats right or wrong. Any advice?

stop referring to yourself as somebody else. otherwise you wouldnt have to refer to 'my friend' as Jane and then not use the term Jane ever again. So you're the lesbian.

VIDZ. KTHNX.

 

[azzie]

yeh id kinda think you were writing about yourself rather than your friend. but then i dont know.

anyway, id probably say talk it though with someone, and if you cant think of anyone its probably a good idea to try kids help line i guess.

 

[fly.away.fairy]

Thanx for all the great replys. They really helped. Im jsut gonna support her and be there to talk if she needs to. Shes not going to tell anyne else until shes ready.
Until then, im taking her and a group of friends to the mardi gras so that she can see that the people around her accept diffrent sexual prefrence + there re many people just like her.

Anyone been before? How was it?

 

[xeuyrawp]

So, you are saying there is something wrong with being gay? If so, why?

Because he was told it by his parents, like he was told to be X religion. Once parents force a theology on a child, their judgemental and irrational attitudes are going to obviously follow.

Fly away -- I'd agree (to an extent) with Mathmite. There's no point her coming out if she's just 'confused'. Personally, I would tell her to talk with a professional about it.

 

[ur_inner_child]

its hard not to link this thread to your other previous thread about wanting to move out of home....

i know you've said "friend" but i still find that quite sus.

If my guess is true, I severely advise you not to move out because of this issue that you have not yet even confronted...

 

[chloe169]

see i am religious too and id tell her to go try counselling but thats a very strongly biased opinon

yeah i have tried to give up liking girls before and it doesnt work. you cant change who/what you are. doesnt religion promote tolerance?

 

[withoutaface]

Religion can also promote being a bigotted arsehole. It all depends on what you were to begin with, and you can find religious justifcation for just about any view.

 

[azzie]

im a christian but i think the crap about "all gays go to hell" is rubbish. its your sexuality and you should be allowed to be gay or straight or have a foot fetish (even though that IS weird) or whatever you like. gay people are not evil. in fact, i think they're just like straight people! funny that.
i dont think taking someone to a church person to talk about their sexuality is a good idea. go to someone more open minded who knows what they're doing and can advise you.

 

[Casmira]

yeah i have tried to give up liking girls before and it doesnt work. you cant change who/what you are. doesnt religion promote tolerance?

to an extent, but there's guidelines it sets such as lack of tolerance for homosexuality, its like saying having tolerance for murders we don't its same concept for homosexuality with bible

like i said in the other thread i totally dont like it, and am for all against it and would do anything to support someone to change but in the end i wouldnt force my opinion or will onto anyone i believe that everyone in this worlds entitled to their own spiritual and in this case sexual opinion

i believe you can change, with plenty of therapy of course and talking to an adult you trust like perhaps your parents? but i mean you wouldnt do that so me preaching is pointless and will only get me flamed. so do whatever you like