hey, well im in a relationship and its been almost 3 years, im 17 and i was just wondering is it kinda bad when you and your partner eventually just arent able to break up? like it just wont happen, even after a massive fight and you hate them so much, you end up getting back together the very next day. i know that may seem kinda good if your into long relationships, and i am but it just causes alot of arguments and fights and a hell load of frustration. cause we tend to argue alot lately, for various reasons but we try to break up cause it seems like a logical thing to do, but it just wont happen. it feels like a circle, no decisions are ever stuck to. any ideas?
-
Want to help us with this year's BoS Trials? Let us know before 30 June. See this thread for details -
Looking for HSC notes and resources? Check out our Notes & Resources page
long enough of a relationship... (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Chan1727
- Start date
do you really want to break up with them or not? you need to make decisions and stick to them. 3 years is a long time, especially at 17, maybe you've got to the point where you're content (don't mind faults etc.) with each other and will be life partners.
iamsickofyear12
Active Member
- Joined
- Jun 17, 2004
- Messages
- 3,960
- Gender
- Male
- HSC
- 2004
So this started when you were 14. I don't think people can have meaningful relationships when they are 14.
_muse_
Come on join the joyride
yeah i agree... are you breaking up because you WANT to break up and believe you can no longer be together? or are you breaking up because you had a fight and it just "seems right"? if that makes sense. I think you and your boyfriend need to sit down and make decisions like iambored has said. The whole circle of breaking up/getting back together can be very traumatic - i know, so stop hurting yourself, and each other and make some decisions. I know its difficult, but if this is causing so much pain and hatred, then something needs to be doneiambored said:
bubz :D
the last laugh
hmm you can't really judge others like that... my first boyfriend was when i was 14iamsickofyear12 said:
and it obviously means something if they've been together for 3 years...
yeh it means alot to me, we've come to that point where we cant imagine being with out each other. we're in our last year of school and we've planned about moving in together etc, but if these arguments carry on we'll end up growin apart. its just i felt like we were kinda like soul mates, i know too young for all that shit, but i have no intention of being with anybody else and things are just right between us. i dont even know what we argue about, its just really small things that get taken the wrong way, we cant just not argue about someting. its the most annoying thing in the world
hipsta_jess
Up the mighty red V
- Joined
- May 30, 2003
- Messages
- 5,981
- Gender
- Female
- HSC
- N/A
ok, I don't know how this is going to come out, so bear with me if it seems harsh.
You're 17. In all likelihood, you will break up. Sorry, thats just the way it is (even the couples I went through school with that everyone were sure would get married and be together forever have broken up). Yes, this isn't the way for everyone, but its just what probability states.
Also, you say you can't imagine being without him...it is more likely that you have just grown used to having him around, its a familiarity thing. Just because you can't imagine being without him doesn't mean you will be together forever, just that you are used to him being there.
Sit down with him and see how he feels. If you're still together, give it time, see how you go once you're at uni/working/whatever, you will find your relationship will change drastically, be it stronger or over.
You're 17. In all likelihood, you will break up. Sorry, thats just the way it is (even the couples I went through school with that everyone were sure would get married and be together forever have broken up). Yes, this isn't the way for everyone, but its just what probability states.
Also, you say you can't imagine being without him...it is more likely that you have just grown used to having him around, its a familiarity thing. Just because you can't imagine being without him doesn't mean you will be together forever, just that you are used to him being there.
Sit down with him and see how he feels. If you're still together, give it time, see how you go once you're at uni/working/whatever, you will find your relationship will change drastically, be it stronger or over.
ogmzergrush
LOL
- Joined
- Mar 21, 2004
- Messages
- 2,198
- Gender
- Male
- HSC
- 2002
I've been with my gf since we were both 15, and it's been about five years. I do think there's the potential to form long-term, meaningful relationships at a young age, so I don't think you should automatically write this one off just because you're young.
I think it comes down to having a think about why it is that you "can't" break up. If it's because you're just used to each other and the familiarity beats being alone, then perhaps you would be better off apart. If you realise that you're together because you both actually enjoy being together, then it'll (obviously) be a different story
Once you've given it some thought, make a decision and stick with it. If you objectively decide that you're better off apart, caving in as soon as you start to miss him (Which is bound to happen when you've spent so long together), isn't going to be productive in the long-run.
Alternatively, if you decide that you both really do want to be together, commit to that and try to deal with the underlying issues causing you to fight so much in the first place (You seem to have said that you fight because you've been together a long time? I don't really get that, it differs from my experience, and besides, if that were the case then all the old pensioner couples would be stabbing each other to death right now)
I think it comes down to having a think about why it is that you "can't" break up. If it's because you're just used to each other and the familiarity beats being alone, then perhaps you would be better off apart. If you realise that you're together because you both actually enjoy being together, then it'll (obviously) be a different story
Once you've given it some thought, make a decision and stick with it. If you objectively decide that you're better off apart, caving in as soon as you start to miss him (Which is bound to happen when you've spent so long together), isn't going to be productive in the long-run.
Alternatively, if you decide that you both really do want to be together, commit to that and try to deal with the underlying issues causing you to fight so much in the first place (You seem to have said that you fight because you've been together a long time? I don't really get that, it differs from my experience, and besides, if that were the case then all the old pensioner couples would be stabbing each other to death right now)
iamsickofyear12
Active Member
- Joined
- Jun 17, 2004
- Messages
- 3,960
- Gender
- Male
- HSC
- 2004
yeah i can. I didn't say you couldn't have a boyfriend when you are 14, just that you can't have a meaningful relationship with them. But it can be meaningful now that she is older.bubz :D said:
INXS
King For A Day
- Joined
- Mar 11, 2005
- Messages
- 476
- Gender
- Male
- HSC
- 2006
Work out your differences and problems. You sound like you just want to throw it all away... after 3 years. Think of all the stuff you two have bin through. Just talk to her and work this shit out.....
But in the end, it's your own choice. What ever floats your boat.
But in the end, it's your own choice. What ever floats your boat.
Skittled
What did the crab do?
Does it feel like you're in it out of habit?Chan1727 said:
Personally I don't think anyone should be in a relationship when it exists just because it did the day before... You've gotta wake up every day and want to be with them. (Or be married, anyway!
)In the end it's your call; you're the one who's gotta make the decision, and you can't go to her "hey, the guys on BoS told me we should break up". As some have said, 17's a young age to have a relationship of 3 years under your belt, and that at that age nothing's permanant. On the other hand, by three years, you've obviously got something there to hold you together... (or, it's habit and you're both just keeping within your comfort zones... people dont' like change, generally). ..in the end, it is Whatever You Want It To Be.
If you're worried, think about where you (as a couple) will be in 10 years time. How's that make you feel? Do you feel skeptical that you'll be there? Or, if that doesn't work, you're 17: in a couple of years you're through high school; will you two stick togehter with such... 'stickiness', even once you don't have school to brin you together at 9am every day, monday to friday?
what a waste of youth. I dont like being in relationships... im a one night stand girl lol. relationships before the age of 17 is pointless. You should be living your life!! not being stuck to one person for your whole teen years. its so ridiculous
ur_inner_child
.%$^!@&^#(*!?.%$^?!.
- Joined
- Mar 9, 2004
- Messages
- 6,084
- Gender
- Female
- HSC
- 2004
i know what you mean
i think it may be the mentality of it. you're SO use to having a person with you. The last time you weren't was three years ago, and you probably don't even remember what kind of mentality you were in, or want to remember it.
It's as if you're "starting again" or as if it was a waste of time. I sometimes think my boyfriend and i will probably won't be able to end. I CAN see myself with someone else, I just don't think I can bring myself to hurt someone that has been like my best friend for so long. Hence my thread about wanting to go out with 2 guys at once.
I don't really have a solution. I think time makes things clearer, even if you've spend enough time already.
i think it may be the mentality of it. you're SO use to having a person with you. The last time you weren't was three years ago, and you probably don't even remember what kind of mentality you were in, or want to remember it.
It's as if you're "starting again" or as if it was a waste of time. I sometimes think my boyfriend and i will probably won't be able to end. I CAN see myself with someone else, I just don't think I can bring myself to hurt someone that has been like my best friend for so long. Hence my thread about wanting to go out with 2 guys at once.
I don't really have a solution. I think time makes things clearer, even if you've spend enough time already.
yeh i know, my teen years are almost up, but like being with someone for so long, you just dont know what it will be like if you didnt have them there. its scary to think about for me. we're a big part in each others lives, like school etc that it wont be easy to just give it up. plus when we have our fights and like have breaks and shit, i do end up getting wtih other people, but im seriously trying to break myself off that habit. cause i would hate it when ppl cheat on me, but its really hard to stay faithful at this age.
Dreamerish*~
Love Addict - Nakashima
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2005
- Messages
- 3,705
- Gender
- Female
- HSC
- 2005
well, it sounds like you want to break up with him, so just do it.
you might hesitate because 3 years has built up so many memories, but you need to decide what's more important. if you let go, and you're determined, you'll get over everything eventually and you might be happier than if you stay, being miserable and wondering what might have happened if you had taken that step.
i know what you mean, the way it feels like you can't break up. i have that with my boyfriend too, but we don't have any intentions of breaking up. like, you just literally can't live without each other. sometimes i miss being single a little, but compared to what i have in this relationship, there's no way i would give it up.
but then again, if he's still in your heart, but your mind is telling you that this relationship is getting too long, maybe you should think about what's great about a long-term relationship. i assume, since you've been with him for 3 years, that you do want a long-term relationship, but it's all up to you to decide whether losing him is worth the freedom of singledom.
you might hesitate because 3 years has built up so many memories, but you need to decide what's more important. if you let go, and you're determined, you'll get over everything eventually and you might be happier than if you stay, being miserable and wondering what might have happened if you had taken that step.
i know what you mean, the way it feels like you can't break up. i have that with my boyfriend too, but we don't have any intentions of breaking up. like, you just literally can't live without each other. sometimes i miss being single a little, but compared to what i have in this relationship, there's no way i would give it up.
but then again, if he's still in your heart, but your mind is telling you that this relationship is getting too long, maybe you should think about what's great about a long-term relationship. i assume, since you've been with him for 3 years, that you do want a long-term relationship, but it's all up to you to decide whether losing him is worth the freedom of singledom.