Caufield is a bright kid, I have never taught another student like him. He is very intelligent, I always regretted that he never applied himself at Elkton Hills. I like to think that I was his favourite teacher because he doesn’t seem to see me in the persona of an authority figure like Mr. Spencer. He thinks of me more as a friend or an older brother. We were actually quite close because my wife and I used to play a bit of tennis with him.
During the Christmas break Holden called me up in the middle of the night. I was a little surprised at first but I invited him over anyway. I thought he might need a bit of help. At first I felt apprehensive about approaching him, as it had been some times since we met, but he was still a student of mine, and I felt some measure of responsibility. It didn’t take great perception to see that Caufield was in trouble; certainly he seemed changed from when I’d last seen em, so I invited him to my house. He told me about his journey through New York and how he left Pencey Prep. I was quite worried about the decisions he was making. He was heading for a major fall; a fall that would leave him frustrated and embittered. So I also gave him advice: that he should apply himself to his studies, so that he doesn’t fall and his life shatters into pieces. However I don’t think that my advice really got to em. I gave him another piece of advice: that all his affairs with phonies may be worth writing about one day. He probably won’t accept that advice as well, for all his intelligence he was a stubborn as a mule.
Still, watching Caufield pour his heart out, I feel sorry for the kid. No where to go and no one to love him, it was as tough life for someone so young. I told em he could sleep here tonight, and he decided to crash on the couch. He fell asleep very quickly and I thought to myself; “boy this guy has gone through a lot and he desperately needs some love and affection”. Like a father who suddenly realized how he’s neglected his son I found myself patting his forehead. Then Holden woke and he looked as scared as a child on their first day of school. With cold sweat on my back I realized that I had made a horrible mistake; he most likely took my act of reassurance as homosexual. Caufield seemed like the homophobic type. He literally leapt into his clothes and said he had to get some things. Boy did he lie. I knew he was leaving and he was never coming back; just as his respect for me was lost in an instant. I left the door open in the slightest of chance that he might come back. But I knew that it was no use.
I went back to bed breathing heavily; just Holden’s frantic face weighted on my chest like a ton of bricks.. I started telling myself: 'geez you are a complete asshole!' That’s another student who hates you. Subsequently, I started thinking - how did I gain Holden’s respect in the first place? It was most likely when this kid at Elkton Hills jumped out the window, got splattered and how I was the only person that check to see if he was okay. That’s probably the day I gained his respect and today I had lost every last inch of it. He’ll probably go and tell everyone I’m like one of those Catholic Priests. Man I really blew it.
