NSW Selective Schools Dynamics (1 Viewer)

sumomo

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Hi everyone, concerned parent here, have a kid starting in one of the top 10 ss next year, come from no tutoring/planning, direct cut to tl;dr - did the sst for the feels. ANYWAY, so I am legit freaking out because she has decided to go to the one school we put down and the thought of my kid being surrounded by other kids who may have a completely different upbringing is stressing me out. So some of my questions are...
Will my child be considered:
basic? for not playing an instrument
behind? for not having any tutoring ever
lazy? for not ever doing anything beyond school work
weird? for having never considered actually going to ss until receiving an offer
what can I do to help her prepare for the onslaught of crazy in today's ss? she does come from a vibrant collection of extracurriculars and has quite the portfolio of awards, but she still has way too much time on her hands so she watches heaps of netflix, plays lots of games etc is that socially unacceptable? does she need to at least pretend she is studying all the time in future to fit in?? Do we change the story like, totes always planned to be here next year?

Would love to hear from all ages with the inside intel please. Thanks in advance.
 

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Hi everyone, concerned parent here, have a kid starting in one of the top 10 ss next year, come from no tutoring/planning, direct cut to tl;dr - did the sst for the feels. ANYWAY, so I am legit freaking out because she has decided to go to the one school we put down and the thought of my kid being surrounded by other kids who may have a completely different upbringing is stressing me out. So some of my questions are...
Will my child be considered:
basic? for not playing an instrument
behind? for not having any tutoring ever
lazy? for not ever doing anything beyond school work
weird? for having never considered actually going to ss until receiving an offer
what can I do to help her prepare for the onslaught of crazy in today's ss? she does come from a vibrant collection of extracurriculars and has quite the portfolio of awards, but she still has way too much time on her hands so she watches heaps of netflix, plays lots of games etc is that socially unacceptable? does she need to at least pretend she is studying all the time in future to fit in?? Do we change the story like, totes always planned to be here next year?

Would love to hear from all ages with the inside intel please. Thanks in advance.
Well even though Selective schools have the brightest students, at the end of the day they’re still kids. They’re going to be watching Netflix playing video games and all.

Your going to need to study at a higher minimum level to keep up with your peers and the school but other than that I really don’t think people in any of those top 10 schools go around shaming people for not studying as much as them. High school is a new experience and even though typically students get heaps of tutoring in the top 10 I doubt it would be a reason for her to feel left out.
 

stressedessert04

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hey there im a student at a female selective school! to be brutally honest, the daughter u described seem to be many students in my school. those who continue to achieve success in our school tend to gain quite a lot of respect and admiration for not going to tutoring. join cocurricular! u can make new friends too.
 

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Hi everyone, concerned parent here, have a kid starting in one of the top 10 ss next year, come from no tutoring/planning, direct cut to tl;dr - did the sst for the feels. ANYWAY, so I am legit freaking out because she has decided to go to the one school we put down and the thought of my kid being surrounded by other kids who may have a completely different upbringing is stressing me out. So some of my questions are...
Will my child be considered:
basic? for not playing an instrument
behind? for not having any tutoring ever
lazy? for not ever doing anything beyond school work
weird? for having never considered actually going to ss until receiving an offer
what can I do to help her prepare for the onslaught of crazy in today's ss? she does come from a vibrant collection of extracurriculars and has quite the portfolio of awards, but she still has way too much time on her hands so she watches heaps of netflix, plays lots of games etc is that socially unacceptable? does she need to at least pretend she is studying all the time in future to fit in?? Do we change the story like, totes always planned to be here next year?

Would love to hear from all ages with the inside intel please. Thanks in advance.
Don't worry most kids in selective kids are just as if not more lazy then a kid who got there without tutoring (this is excluding James ruse). Ofcourse there are a few exceptions but if your child managed to make it so far then they must be quite bright anyway. Also it doesn't matter if they don't play an instrument or whatever because no-one cares
 

sumomo

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Thank you for your responses, it is much appreciated. My daughter plans to do as much cocurricular as she can fit into her sched next year, I've always encouraged her to step outside her comfort zone. Next year, I'm expecting her to drop her rank down to average so she can enjoy making new friends and hopefully find friends who aren't too competitive against each other? Hoping for girls who are supportive and interested in working hard TOGETHER and not against each other. I worry if many have been tutoring so long to get into selective they've developed that must do better than you mentality and she will not find any true friends.

She intends to continue to dabble in as much extracurriculars until we find what sticks and then kick the studying up a few gears in yr 10, to try and rise back up again? she's currently amongst the top which isn't saying much considering her school isn't particularly academically inclined. However, she's always been at the top so it's probably going to be a shock for her system to be considered "average"...hope she doesn't become depressed!

Anyway, do you guys think this is doable? to just let her muck about a bit more for y7-9 before she starts putting harder work in? or will it be too late? I mean it's not like she doesn't try her best in school, are yr7's self motivated or do parents still need to push em?

I personally came from selective schools myself, however I was subjected to too many years of continuous & unnecessary grind so when I was old enough I developed very "shady" habits. So I'm trying to avoid that by giving my kids the kind of freedom I never had, but life is very different now, any advice from those who have current and recent experience is extremely helpful, so thanks guys!!
 

#RoadTo31Atar

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Thank you for your responses, it is much appreciated. My daughter plans to do as much cocurricular as she can fit into her sched next year, I've always encouraged her to step outside her comfort zone. Next year, I'm expecting her to drop her rank down to average so she can enjoy making new friends and hopefully find friends who aren't too competitive against each other? Hoping for girls who are supportive and interested in working hard TOGETHER and not against each other. I worry if many have been tutoring so long to get into selective they've developed that must do better than you mentality and she will not find any true friends.

She intends to continue to dabble in as much extracurriculars until we find what sticks and then kick the studying up a few gears in yr 10, to try and rise back up again? she's currently amongst the top which isn't saying much considering her school isn't particularly academically inclined. However, she's always been at the top so it's probably going to be a shock for her system to be considered "average"...hope she doesn't become depressed!

Anyway, do you guys think this is doable? to just let her muck about a bit more for y7-9 before she starts putting harder work in? or will it be too late? I mean it's not like she doesn't try her best in school, are yr7's self motivated or do parents still need to push em?

I personally came from selective schools myself, however I was subjected to too many years of continuous & unnecessary grind so when I was old enough I developed very "shady" habits. So I'm trying to avoid that by giving my kids the kind of freedom I never had, but life is very different now, any advice from those who have current and recent experience is extremely helpful, so thanks guys!!
I think it's good for her to do whatever she wants if it is what she wants and not what you've decided she should do. Because only Y12 counts towards your ATAR she has like 5 years to make mistakes/not study/do no work in class/etc before it starts to actually matter. Because she is going to a good school this prob won't happen anyway because she will have a good competitive environment and will prob want to do well just because that's what everyone is doing (at her school).

From my experience, my parents never went to parent-teacher interviews/meetings/or anything. Up until Y12 my dad wouldn't know what year I'm in at school when someone would ask him and all we would talk about with school is just stuff like how did that test go or when holidays start. Despite my parents not forcing me to study or do tutoring I began working very hard in Y12 and did very well on my own because that's what I wanted to do and not what my parents wanted.

I guess my point is that you don't have to tell your daughter what to do especially if she doesn't want to do extra curricular or tutoring (I didn't want to) because she can figure out what she wants by the time Y12 starts.
 

sumomo

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I guess my point is that you don't have to tell your daughter what to do especially if she doesn't want to do extra curricular or tutoring (I didn't want to) because she can figure out what she wants by the time Y12 starts.
Thanks, I don't usually tell her what to do, just sometimes suggests she studies if she has an exam next week etc but the force of Among Us is strong with this one, so sometimes she might need a strongly worded suggestion :/

She wants to do extra curricular - clubs, sports, arts, drama, debating etc you name a time and she's there, she can even do like basic string ensemble just don't expect her to break into Paganini like the first new school friend she met. Hard pass on things like knitting and volleyball etc, she has a pretty good idea of what she wants to do, so I'm just gonna be there in the background with the pompoms - wanna learn the right cheers.

She's never been to tutoring and we want to avoid it for as long as she can, I hope she doesn't feel peer pressured into going to any tutoring. I don't believe in tutoring to get ahead, but maybe if she fell behind and she asks for it, but definitely not sending her just cos others are going. I do want to ask, because I'm getting conflicting vibes, so we DON'T like tutoring at all? or some do, because like on FB I see kids complaining but then low key loving it at the same time...so confused.
 

godmond

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Thanks, I don't usually tell her what to do, just sometimes suggests she studies if she has an exam next week etc but the force of Among Us is strong with this one, so sometimes she might need a strongly worded suggestion :/

She wants to do extra curricular - clubs, sports, arts, drama, debating etc you name a time and she's there, she can even do like basic string ensemble just don't expect her to break into Paganini like the first new school friend she met. Hard pass on things like knitting and volleyball etc, she has a pretty good idea of what she wants to do, so I'm just gonna be there in the background with the pompoms - wanna learn the right cheers.

She's never been to tutoring and we want to avoid it for as long as she can, I hope she doesn't feel peer pressured into going to any tutoring. I don't believe in tutoring to get ahead, but maybe if she fell behind and she asks for it, but definitely not sending her just cos others are going. I do want to ask, because I'm getting conflicting vibes, so we DON'T like tutoring at all? or some do, because like on FB I see kids complaining but then low key loving it at the same time...so confused.
Haha you sound like one of the parents I've always wanted but never had. I'm from the 2021 HSC cohort from one of the top 20 school in the state and from what I can tell you that kids can skim past their junior years easily without tutoring unless their work ethic is pure shite like mine lol.
No, your daughter won't get ostracised for not doing any instruments or any sports. For me, I've always wanted to do extra curricular which I did in my junior years but never got to follow through in my senior years. In regard to tutoring again, if in her 11-12 starts lacking then maybe consider it because it really does help if you use it well. I regret not working hard earlier and slacked off way too hard and now in my final year I'm paying the price.
 

sumomo

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Haha you sound like one of the parents I've always wanted but never had. I'm from the 2021 HSC cohort from one of the top 20 school in the state and from what I can tell you that kids can skim past their junior years easily without tutoring unless their work ethic is pure shite like mine lol.
No, your daughter won't get ostracised for not doing any instruments or any sports. For me, I've always wanted to do extra curricular which I did in my junior years but never got to follow through in my senior years. In regard to tutoring again, if in her 11-12 starts lacking then maybe consider it because it really does help if you use it well. I regret not working hard earlier and slacked off way too hard and now in my final year I'm paying the price.
lol thanks, legit just trying to give mine what I never had haha.
So from what you're saying - no tutoring y7-10 unless her marks plummet and tutoring (youtube) in 11-12 if she's trash by then, but make it count! Thanks and good luck for the year ahead btw! I'll insert the generic naplan letter about how tests (atar) can't measure the whole you etc but I know you get it lol.
 

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lol thanks, legit just trying to give mine what I never had haha.
So from what you're saying - no tutoring y7-10 unless her marks plummet and tutoring (youtube) in 11-12 if she's trash by then, but make it count! Thanks and good luck for the year ahead btw! I'll insert the generic naplan letter about how tests (atar) can't measure the whole you etc but I know you get it lol.
If your daughter is aiming for med and law often the room to screw up is too small to risk not going to tutoring where they drill things into you. If those two career options aren’t very important, there’s honestly no need for tutoring. Alternatively if one is smart enough or disciplined enough it is also unnecessary. Understanding something yourself is frankly the only way to learn something properly and all tutoring centres and teachers do is aid that process.
As for competition, I would assume it has to be quite a bit more competitive than when you were in highschool due to population growth.
Finally regarding the aspect of wasting time, there isn’t really any need to worry unless your daughter is the type to give up easily. As long as she has a goal at some certain time and cares about her scores, she will be pressured into not wasting time and studying.
While most courses through y7-10 are basically useless, fundamental math skills and the ability to write logically and fluidly should be developed or else one cannot progress with a smooth transition to harder stuff.
 

sumomo

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If your daughter is aiming for med and law often the room to screw up is too small to risk not going to tutoring where they drill things into you.
...
While most courses through y7-10 are basically useless, fundamental math skills and the ability to write logically and fluidly should be developed or else one cannot progress with a smooth transition to harder stuff.
I'm hoping you mean this for only yr11-12 right? because there's no way to know what she wants to do rn. I agree, with definitely staying on top of maths and writing, so I'm guessing once the year starts and if she seems to be miles behind already then I would consider tutoring in those areas. Thanks for your help.
 

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Hi everyone, concerned parent here, have a kid starting in one of the top 10 ss next year, come from no tutoring/planning, direct cut to tl;dr - did the sst for the feels. ANYWAY, so I am legit freaking out because she has decided to go to the one school we put down and the thought of my kid being surrounded by other kids who may have a completely different upbringing is stressing me out. So some of my questions are...
Will my child be considered:
basic? for not playing an instrument
behind? for not having any tutoring ever
lazy? for not ever doing anything beyond school work
weird? for having never considered actually going to ss until receiving an offer
what can I do to help her prepare for the onslaught of crazy in today's ss? she does come from a vibrant collection of extracurriculars and has quite the portfolio of awards, but she still has way too much time on her hands so she watches heaps of netflix, plays lots of games etc is that socially unacceptable? does she need to at least pretend she is studying all the time in future to fit in?? Do we change the story like, totes always planned to be here next year?

Would love to hear from all ages with the inside intel please. Thanks in advance.
If your kid made it this far and got accepted without needing to go beyond what’s necessary, then don’t worry too much, they seem really smart.

Plus, when your kid gets into selective, they’ll find their hobbies and what they like and don’t like.

When I first got into the selective class (I got to a partially selective school), I was really unorganised, I never really wrote my notes, didn’t know what interested in and what didn’t, etc.

However, when I was surrounded by girls who were extremely clever, knew what they wanted to do in life and worked towards it, it pushed me into doing that too. I got into sports, I learnt 2 languages, I became interested in reading, and found what I wanted to do in the future.

Don’t consider the competitive environment as something negative, it’d quite the opposite actually, it’s what pushes the students to work hard, it starts to feel like a game (in a good way).

And I just want to end this by saying you’re an amazing parent, not all parents care about their children’s education and how well they get along with the students as you did, but please don’t stress out too much, your child will be fine :))
 

stressedessert04

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I'm hoping you mean this for only yr11-12 right? because there's no way to know what she wants to do rn. I agree, with definitely staying on top of maths and writing, so I'm guessing once the year starts and if she seems to be miles behind already then I would consider tutoring in those areas. Thanks for your help.
trust me! your daughter will do fine. the 'competition' really barely exists in my all-girls selective school, we are all incredibly welcoming and supportive and i must reiterate - its respected when you don't go tutoring!!!
 

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If your kid made it this far and got accepted without needing to go beyond what’s necessary, then don’t worry too much, they seem really smart.

Plus, when your kid gets into selective, they’ll find their hobbies and what they like and don’t like.

When I first got into the selective class (I got to a partially selective school), I was really unorganised, I never really wrote my notes, didn’t know what interested in and what didn’t, etc.

However, when I was surrounded by girls who were extremely clever, knew what they wanted to do in life and worked towards it, it pushed me into doing that too. I got into sports, I learnt 2 languages, I became interested in reading, and found what I wanted to do in the future.

Don’t consider the competitive environment as something negative, it’d quite the opposite actually, it’s what pushes the students to work hard, it starts to feel like a game (in a good way).

And I just want to end this by saying you’re an amazing parent, not all parents care about their children’s education and how well they get along with the students as you did, but please don’t stress out too much, your child will be fine :))
It sounds like I’m the exact opposite of you, when I joined my selective class I always felt like I was lagging behind yet my previous primary years I had straight up dominated. I didn’t write notes, slacked off but in the end pushed myself but never really got there. Felt like by the time I realised that I had a problem with procrastination I couldn’t fully recover in time and fcked up my yr 9s and 10s as well as this years prelims.
It really depends on the child I guess, if OP sees fit that her daughter doesn’t need extra tutoring then she doesn’t but a word of advice is that tutoring is an asset not a liability. It’s to help the child in understanding content and pushing them further outside of school and if you think you’re child is pacing fine then no need but if you think she’s falling behind then maybe consider it.
 

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Personally I go to a top 10 selective school and I only started English tutoring half way through yr 10. But honestly that’s just because I noticed my English was lacking. So I think tutoring really isn’t necessary in yr 7-10 unless your daughter is really struggling in a certain area. Also highly recommend she uses her writing opportunities well, since writing skills become super important for English in yr 11 and 12.(math on the other hand can be more lowkey, like she should just focus on understanding the content)
 

idkkdi

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I'm hoping you mean this for only yr11-12 right? because there's no way to know what she wants to do rn. I agree, with definitely staying on top of maths and writing, so I'm guessing once the year starts and if she seems to be miles behind already then I would consider tutoring in those areas. Thanks for your help.
only y11-12 should be fine. Although starting y 11 could possibly put them slightly behind others if the tutoring centre learns the course earlier.
For sciences and maths I’m pretty sure quite a few have special classes for selective kids which start a term earlier so that during the term before hsc it’s all reviewing and past papers.
 

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Dont stress too much. my cousin used to play a lot of video games in his junior years when he was in Normanurst boys ( top 10), he has NEVER done tutoring and still managed to move to North Sydney boys (top 3) in year 11 and still managed to get a 96 ATAR.
 

sumomo

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Hey all, rather than replying individually and spamming just wanted to bulk thank everyone for your responses, all of it is super relevant to me cos I have no idea whether she's gonna float or sink. Thanks for your reassurance! Since you all seem very legit and I really want to utilize all of your wordly knowledge of ss, I might as well disclose that she's going to sgh, does all the above still apply?

Of similar importance, switching over to street cred: my kid comes from a bubble, most likely my fault cos social media is banned and everything they watch gotta be pg. I also don't let them listen to mainstream music because - I mean have you listened to mainstream? most of it is about stuff she's not ready for, it is really hard to sift through. So she mostly listens to musicals, but I've been trying to find tracks to allow when I have the time.

So my kid gon be like a complete newb when she hits HS...
Partly my doing, partly she doesnt even wanna know if you say it might be inappropriate. Her school also doesnt do "personal" education iykwim, it's not to say our house is a church, because despite no social, I provide the trolling services for free :angel: (probably enjoy it a little too much).

As seniors, what do you guys advise? Do I let her just organically fumble through any strange concepts at school when/if it arises, or do I prep her? How much do yr 7s know about life beyond books these days? I mean, in retrospect, would you prefer to start yr 7 like a disney character or a rock star? do I lock her in a room and say...hey watch gossip girl and mean girls and learn (not doing that! clearly haven't watched any current teen shows). But her friend of a friend also starting yr 7 apparently is watching V Diaries!???? is that not TOO old for 11?? I told my kid, no way you're watching that, am I being a huge buzzkill? I quickly replayed a few seasons in my head, pretty sure, it's too full on, but maybe I'm just too square?
 

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Hey all, rather than replying individually and spamming just wanted to bulk thank everyone for your responses, all of it is super relevant to me cos I have no idea whether she's gonna float or sink. Thanks for your reassurance! Since you all seem very legit and I really want to utilize all of your wordly knowledge of ss, I might as well disclose that she's going to sgh, does all the above still apply?

Of similar importance, switching over to street cred: my kid comes from a bubble, most likely my fault cos social media is banned and everything they watch gotta be pg. I also don't let them listen to mainstream music because - I mean have you listened to mainstream? most of it is about stuff she's not ready for, it is really hard to sift through. So she mostly listens to musicals, but I've been trying to find tracks to allow when I have the time.

So my kid gon be like a complete newb when she hits HS...
Partly my doing, partly she doesnt even wanna know if you say it might be inappropriate. Her school also doesnt do "personal" education iykwim, it's not to say our house is a church, because despite no social, I provide the trolling services for free :angel: (probably enjoy it a little too much).

As seniors, what do you guys advise? Do I let her just organically fumble through any strange concepts at school when/if it arises, or do I prep her? How much do yr 7s know about life beyond books these days? I mean, in retrospect, would you prefer to start yr 7 like a disney character or a rock star? do I lock her in a room and say...hey watch gossip girl and mean girls and learn (not doing that! clearly haven't watched any current teen shows). But her friend of a friend also starting yr 7 apparently is watching V Diaries!???? is that not TOO old for 11?? I told my kid, no way you're watching that, am I being a huge buzzkill? I quickly replayed a few seasons in my head, pretty sure, it's too full on, but maybe I'm just too square?
From perspective of a 15 year old, you are worrying too much. Year 7s do know a lot beyond books these days :) Don't put too much stress on your child, she already started high school and she will be knowing things
 

sumomo

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From perspective of a 15 year old, you are worrying too much. Year 7s do know a lot beyond books these days :) Don't put too much stress on your child, she already started high school and she will be knowing things
Wait...did you just say, I'm worrying too much followed by yr 7s DO KNOW a lot these days!?? or u accidentally left out a NOT.....I was relieved until I reread your response.
 

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