PLease check my essay! (1 Viewer)

hayabusaboston

Well-Known Member
Joined
Sep 26, 2011
Messages
2,387
Location
Calabi Yau Manifold
Gender
Male
HSC
2013
Just in general, wot do u guys think of this?
The section we had as out stimulus was the one where jane says "I adhere to my resolution not to marry you St John" and he goes on about how much he wants to have her in india


In the context of your critical study, how does this section reflect your understanding of the key aspects of the text as a whole?


Charlotte Bronte’s Victorian romance Jane Eyre, set in 19th century England, has endured as a key text throughout literary history, largely due to its universal relevance of its themes and its textual integrity. The story follows the eponymous protagonist Jane Eyre’s attempts to ultimately acquire a sense of being loved, a sense of belonging and appreciation in its utmost sense, in the strict social hierarchy that dominated Victorian England. Jane’s ambiguity in social standing consequently makes her a figure of extreme tension amongst the characters around her and leads her to ultimately take control of her own consequences, illustrated in the extract through Jane’s blatant rejection of St John, demonstrating her social independence and desire to act on a rigid set of morals.

The extract reflects multiple aspects of Jane’s development throughout the novel including her quest for love, moral strength and her views of Christian values. These issues are raised at the beginning of the text, when the responder is introduced to Jane at the Reed estate, Gateshead. She is presented as an essentially loveless child, treated harshly by her aunt Mrs Reed and bullied by her cousin John. Her removal to the red room on account of misbehaviour prompts her description, “Superstition was with me at that moment; but it was not yet her hour for complete victory: my blood was still warm; the mood of the revolted slave was still bracing me with its bitter vigour; I had to stem a rapid rush of retrospective thought before I quailed to the dismal present.” This gives the reader an idea of Jane’s insuppressibly resistant yet curiously non-stoic nature in regards to her mistreatment at the reed estate, Which leads to the development of her unconventional world views and rebellious mentality. This in turn comes to emanate from the extract, with Jane’s bold statement, “No, St John, I will not marry you. I adhere to my resolution”


Her removal to Lowood was intended to introduce her to a better and more sophisticated Christian society. However here she has a lot more contact with Brocklehurst, a haughty, aggressive man who embodies the mimetic of corruption and maleficence, which Jane harshly experiences: “And you, girl. [He has Jane stand on her stool] This is the pedestal of infamy…Children, I exhort you to shun her, exclude her, shut her out from this day forth. Withhold the hand of friendship and deny your love to Jane Eyre, the liar”. This is paralleled through Jane’s description in the extract, “Reader, do you know…what terror those cold people can put into the ice of their questions?”

While Bronte’s protagonist finds solace in the company of Helen burns, she is unable to understand Helen’s rigid belief in Christian privation. When questioned about why she's not angry or vengeful for being unjustly punished by Miss Scatcherd, Helen explains "It is far better to endure pain which nobody feels but yourself, than to commit a hasty action whose evil consequences will extend to all connected with you.”

When Jane again advocates retaliation and revenge against those who are unjust, Helen replies:"Heathens and savage tribes hold that doctrine, but Christians and civilized nations disown it” This quote provides an example of the ramifications of Christian fidelity, and is reflected in the extract through St John’s monologue describing his “duty to forgive his fellow even until seventy and seven times”. This illustrates the engrossed and indoctrinated nature of religious figures of the Victorian era, prompting the reader to take on Jane’s view of religion as a questionable necessity of daily life, as in the extract, where Jane views St John’s marital proposal as questionable in sincerity.

Through the “Lowood” section of the protagonist’s life she is trying to find a Christianity which develops her integrity and moral strength, things which are both lacking in the two diametrically opposed views of Christianity encountered at the school. She leaves for Thornfield still searching for a Christianity that she can practice and look to for love and a life of contentedness.

At Thornfield, Jane’s development is accelerated through her interaction with Rochester. With reference to his social milieu, Jane describes, "He is not to them what he is to me," I thought: " I believe he is of mine…I feel akin to him, I understand the language of his countenance and movements: though rank and wealth sever us widely, I have something… that assimilates me mentally to him…while I breathe and think I must love him." She learns a connection to him on a level which transcends the common boundaries of common social class, however in her very nature of crossing social boundaries she is very flexible in her approach to a romance with him.

The extract describes Jane’s rejection of St John’s marriage proposal, which is easily accountable for. Due to Jane’s experiences and what she had learnt of love and Christianity, she finds that St John’s tarnished view of a religious edenic goes against her convictions, and from what she has learnt of love and Christianity at Thornfield and Lowood she comes to the sensible decision to ultimately reject St John.

The ending of the novel portrays Bronte’s protagonist in a seemingly “complete” ending, in which Jane’s problems are resolved and she is allowed to live contently, however she still has thoughts of St John, reflected in her reminiscing of his character and a concern for his welfare.

Ultimately, the extract serves as an integrated summation of the key developmental aspects of Charlotte Bronte’s protagonist as a whole, rendering the text as a conclusive bildungsroman.


wot u reckon? 15/15 material? 14/15 at least? PLZ COME ON FUCK I HATE ENGLISH THIS TOOK ME TOO LONG TO PREPARE :'(
 
Last edited:

Sy123

This too shall pass
Joined
Nov 6, 2011
Messages
3,730
Gender
Male
HSC
2013
Just in general, wot do u guys think of this?
The section we had as out stimulus was the one where jane says "I adhere to my resolution not to marry you St John" and he goes on about how much he wants to have her in india


In the context of your critical study, how does this section reflect your understanding of the key aspects of the text as a whole?


Charlotte Bronte’s Victorian romance Jane Eyre, set in 19th century England, has endured as a key text throughout literary history, largely due to its universal relevance of its themes and its textual integrity. The story follows the eponymous protagonist Jane Eyre’s attempts to ultimately acquire a sense of being loved, a sense of belonging and appreciation in its utmost sense, in the strict social hierarchy that dominated Victorian England. Jane’s ambiguity in social standing consequently makes her a figure of extreme tension amongst the characters around her and leads her to ultimately take control of her own consequences, illustrated in the extract through Jane’s blatant rejection of St John, demonstrating her social independence and desire to act on a rigid set of morals.

The extract reflects multiple aspects of Jane’s development throughout the novel including her quest for love, moral strength and her views of Christian values. These issues are raised at the beginning of the text, when the responder is introduced to Jane at the Reed estate, Gateshead. She is presented as an essentially loveless child, treated harshly by her aunt Mrs Reed and bullied by her cousin John. Her removal to the red room on account of misbehaviour prompts her description, “Superstition was with me at that moment; but it was not yet her hour for complete victory: my blood was still warm; the mood of the revolted slave was still bracing me with its bitter vigour; I had to stem a rapid rush of retrospective thought before I quailed to the dismal present.” This gives the reader an idea of Jane’s insuppressibly resistant yet curiously non-stoic nature in regards to her mistreatment at the reed estate, Which leads to the development of her unconventional world views and rebellious mentality. This in turn comes to emanate from the extract, with Jane’s statement, “No, St John, I will not marry you. I adhere to my resolution”


Her removal to Lowood was intended to introduce her to a better and more sophisticated Christian society. However here she has a lot more contact with Brocklehurst, a haughty, aggressive man who embodies the mimetic of corruption and maleficence, which Jane harshly experiences: “And you, girl. [He has Jane stand on her stool] This is the pedestal of infamy…Children, I exhort you to shun her, exclude her, shut her out from this day forth. Withhold the hand of friendship and deny your love to Jane Eyre, the liar”. This is paralleled through Jane’s description in the extract, “Reader, do you know…what terror those cold people can put into the ice of their questions?”

While Bronte’s protagonist finds solace in the company of Helen burns, she is unable to understand Helen’s rigid belief in Christian privation. When questioned about why she's not angry or vengeful for being unjustly punished by Miss Scatcherd, Helen explains "It is far better to endure pain which nobody feels but yourself, than to commit a hasty action whose evil consequences will extend to all connected with you.” When Jane again advocates retaliation and revenge against those who are unjust, Helen replies:
"Heathens and savage tribes hold that doctrine, but Christians and civilized nations disown it” This quote provides an example of the ramifications of Christian fidelity, and is reflected in the extract through St John’s monologue describing his “duty to forgive his fellow even until seventy and seven times”. This illustrates the engrossed and indoctrinated nature of religious figures of the Victorian era, prompting the reader to take on Jane’s view of religion as a questionable necessity of daily life, as in the extract, where Jane views St John’s marital proposal as questionable in sincerity.
Through the “Lowood” section of the protagonist’s life she is trying to find a Christianity which develops her integrity and moral strength, things which are both lacking in the two diametrically opposed views of Christianity encountered at the school. She leaves for Thornfield still searching for a Christianity that she can practice and look to for love and a life of contentedness.
At Thornfield, Jane’s development is accelerated through her interaction with Rochester. With reference to his social milieu, Jane describes, "He is not to them what he is to me," I thought: " I believe he is of mine…I feel akin to him, I understand the language of his countenance and movements: though rank and wealth sever us widely, I have something… that assimilates me mentally to him…while I breathe and think I must love him." She learns a connection to him on a level which transcends the common boundaries of common social class, however in her very nature of crossing social boundaries she is very flexible in her approach to a romance with him.
The extract describes Jane’s rejection of St John’s marriage proposal, which is easily accountable for. Due to Jane’s experiences and what she had learnt of love and Christianity, she finds that St John’s tarnished view of a religious edenic goes against her convictions, and from what she has learnt of love and Christianity at Thornfield and Lowood she comes to the sensible decision to ultimately reject St John.
The ending of the novel portrays Bronte’s protagonist in a seemingly “complete” ending, in which Jane’s problems are resolved and she is allowed to live contently, however she still has thoughts of St John, reflected in her reminiscing of his character and a concern for his welfare.
Ultimately, the extract serves as an integrated summation of the key developmental aspects of Charlotte Bronte’s protagonist as a whole, rendering the text as a conclusive bildungsroman.


wot u reckon? 15/15 material? 14/15 at least? PLZ COME ON FUCK I HATE ENGLISH THIS TOOK ME TOO LONG TO PREPARE :'(
The points aren't deep at all, you are retelling the story half the time, and you don't seem to be going anywhere with the arguments

9-10/15
 

Absolutezero

real human bean
Joined
Nov 17, 2007
Messages
15,077
Gender
Male
HSC
N/A
Can you go back and edit where the paragraphs are meant to be to make it clear.
 

lance687876

Member
Joined
Jun 13, 2012
Messages
127
Gender
Male
HSC
2012
Uni Grad
2016
9-10/15
you've got the examples and their effects, but you won't get in the A range if you simply retell the story. you need techniques.
 

SanjoyM

Member
Joined
Apr 7, 2011
Messages
691
Gender
Male
HSC
2012
Just in general, wot do u guys think of this?
The section we had as out stimulus was the one where jane says "I adhere to my resolution not to marry you St John" and he goes on about how much he wants to have her in india


In the context of your critical study, how does this section reflect your understanding of the key aspects of the text as a whole?


Charlotte Bronte’s Victorian romance Jane Eyre, set in 19th century England, has endured as a key text throughout literary history, largely due to its universal relevance of its themes and its textual integrity. The story follows the eponymous protagonist Jane Eyre’s attempts to ultimately acquire a sense of being loved, a sense of belonging and appreciation in its utmost sense, in the strict social hierarchy that dominated Victorian England. Jane’s ambiguity in social standing consequently makes her a figure of extreme tension amongst the characters around her and leads her to ultimately take control of her own consequences, illustrated in the extract through Jane’s blatant rejection of St John, demonstrating her social independence and desire to act on a rigid set of morals.

The extract reflects multiple aspects of Jane’s development throughout the novel including her quest for love, moral strength and her views of Christian values. These issues are raised at the beginning of the text, when the responder is introduced to Jane at the Reed estate, Gateshead. She is presented as an essentially loveless child, treated harshly by her aunt Mrs Reed and bullied by her cousin John. Her removal to the red room on account of misbehaviour prompts her description, “Superstition was with me at that moment; but it was not yet her hour for complete victory: my blood was still warm; the mood of the revolted slave was still bracing me with its bitter vigour; I had to stem a rapid rush of retrospective thought before I quailed to the dismal present.” This gives the reader an idea of Jane’s insuppressibly resistant yet curiously non-stoic nature in regards to her mistreatment at the reed estate, Which leads to the development of her unconventional world views and rebellious mentality. This in turn comes to emanate from the extract, with Jane’s bold statement, “No, St John, I will not marry you. I adhere to my resolution”


Her removal to Lowood was intended to introduce her to a better and more sophisticated Christian society. However here she has a lot more contact with Brocklehurst, a haughty, aggressive man who embodies the mimetic of corruption and maleficence, which Jane harshly experiences: “And you, girl. [He has Jane stand on her stool] This is the pedestal of infamy…Children, I exhort you to shun her, exclude her, shut her out from this day forth. Withhold the hand of friendship and deny your love to Jane Eyre, the liar”. This is paralleled through Jane’s description in the extract, “Reader, do you know…what terror those cold people can put into the ice of their questions?”

While Bronte’s protagonist finds solace in the company of Helen burns, she is unable to understand Helen’s rigid belief in Christian privation. When questioned about why she's not angry or vengeful for being unjustly punished by Miss Scatcherd, Helen explains "It is far better to endure pain which nobody feels but yourself, than to commit a hasty action whose evil consequences will extend to all connected with you.”

When Jane again advocates retaliation and revenge against those who are unjust, Helen replies:"Heathens and savage tribes hold that doctrine, but Christians and civilized nations disown it” This quote provides an example of the ramifications of Christian fidelity, and is reflected in the extract through St John’s monologue describing his “duty to forgive his fellow even until seventy and seven times”. This illustrates the engrossed and indoctrinated nature of religious figures of the Victorian era, prompting the reader to take on Jane’s view of religion as a questionable necessity of daily life, as in the extract, where Jane views St John’s marital proposal as questionable in sincerity.

Through the “Lowood” section of the protagonist’s life she is trying to find a Christianity which develops her integrity and moral strength, things which are both lacking in the two diametrically opposed views of Christianity encountered at the school. She leaves for Thornfield still searching for a Christianity that she can practice and look to for love and a life of contentedness.

At Thornfield, Jane’s development is accelerated through her interaction with Rochester. With reference to his social milieu, Jane describes, "He is not to them what he is to me," I thought: " I believe he is of mine…I feel akin to him, I understand the language of his countenance and movements: though rank and wealth sever us widely, I have something… that assimilates me mentally to him…while I breathe and think I must love him." She learns a connection to him on a level which transcends the common boundaries of common social class, however in her very nature of crossing social boundaries she is very flexible in her approach to a romance with him.

The extract describes Jane’s rejection of St John’s marriage proposal, which is easily accountable for. Due to Jane’s experiences and what she had learnt of love and Christianity, she finds that St John’s tarnished view of a religious edenic goes against her convictions, and from what she has learnt of love and Christianity at Thornfield and Lowood she comes to the sensible decision to ultimately reject St John.

The ending of the novel portrays Bronte’s protagonist in a seemingly “complete” ending, in which Jane’s problems are resolved and she is allowed to live contently, however she still has thoughts of St John, reflected in her reminiscing of his character and a concern for his welfare.

Ultimately, the extract serves as an integrated summation of the key developmental aspects of Charlotte Bronte’s protagonist as a whole, rendering the text as a conclusive bildungsroman.


wot u reckon? 15/15 material? 14/15 at least? PLZ COME ON FUCK I HATE ENGLISH THIS TOOK ME TOO LONG TO PREPARE :'(
8-9/15 -
1. You MUST ensure that your syntax is correct, thereby ensuring coherence - SYNTAX is VERY important
2. You are NOT required to re-iterate the plot, rather formulate analysis pertinent to enduring thematic concerns, validated with evidence and literary devices (You MUST provide examples, continually refer to the extract. In addition to this, you MUST utilise unique literary devices to maximise your marks. Essentially, use different, unqiue techniques to validate your statement)
3. Personally, I always used thematic concerns prevalent within my text to structure my body paragraphs. It ensured clarity and cohesivenes. If you do so, then you MUST EXPLICITLY state significant thematic concerns within your introduction.
4. THIS IS VERY VERY IMPORTANT - you MUST MUST include SYNTHESIS and links to show the markers that you ARE engaging in, and answering the question. That said, you do have some; however, it needs be to more overt and explicitly expressed.
5. Your phrasing is competent, albeit as stated before, your syntax requires modifications
6. Refine your thesis - ensure that is answers the question succinctly. You have executed this well, but there is always room for improvement.

Overall, a good B range essay. The six aforementioned points are IMPERATIVE to attain A range marks..
Hope this helps!! If you require further assistance with essay refinements, email me - sanjoy94@gmail.com
 

hayabusaboston

Well-Known Member
Joined
Sep 26, 2011
Messages
2,387
Location
Calabi Yau Manifold
Gender
Male
HSC
2013
Someone tell me plz, is this renewed essay above 11/15?


Charlotte bronte’s Victorian romance jane eyre, set in 19th century England, has endured as a key text throughout literary history, largely due to the universal relevance of its themes and its textual integrity. The story follows the introduction of a variety of these universal themes including the quest for acceptance and love, religion, social class and gender relations, presenting them as inherent facets of the human condition.

The quest to be loved and acquire a sense of appreciation by society as well as a sense of belonging, is a primary theme of Bronte’s text. The protagonist Jane Eyre foretells to a character Helen Burns of “to gain some affection from someone… I would submit to let a bull toss me” indicating Jane’s inherent urgency to be loved is a strong drive in her interaction with peers. Yet over the course of the text, Jane must learn how to acquire love without sacrificing and harming herself in the process. This is strongly conveyed in the extract wherein Jane describes “I adhere to my resolution” and “I will not marry you St John”. This illustrates Jane’s emotional and moral development from childhood and maturation into an emotionally cautious individual.

Bronte elucidates the moral and emotional development of Jane throughout the text in a variety of ways. Jane fears losing her autonomy as well as all the fruits of her moral development if she accepts Rochester’s first marriage proposal. Her description, “I had wrought hard to extirpate from my soul the germs of love there detected” allows Bronte to procure a dilemma for Jane, giving her a choice between marrying Rochester with the associated perceptions of loss of integrity and status for the sake of emotional gratification, or giving her the option of leaving him to preserve her convictions but lose her emotional attachment and thus acquire a depth of apathy. “I had wrought hard to extirpate from my soul the germs of love there detected” This thematic concern is addressed again through Jane’s “I adhere to my resolution”, prompting the collective perception of Jane’s Weltanschauung as roughly distinct and progressively developed, separate from the expected route of portrayal.


Throughout the novel, Bronte portrays Jane as part of a grand struggle to find the right balance between moral duty and earthly pleasure, between obligation to her spirit and attention to her body. The three religious figures of Mr Brocklehurst, Helen Burns and St John Rivers are starkly juxtaposed against each other, a technique which Bronte uses to not only illustrate the attrition of a generic religiosity amongst Victorian citizens, but the depiction of three wildly different approaches to religion and religious sentiments. Bronte describes how Jane ultimately rejects these three different religious principles, as Jane comes to form her own ideas of faith and moral compass. This is passionately conveyed through Jane’s rejection of St John in the extract, “what terror those cold people can put into their questions!” cements this refinement of ideology. This transition is similar to elements of bildungsroman, which in combination with the transition of a variety of other themes gives the text its powerful textual integrity.

Bronte depicts her eponymous protagonist as being intensely critical of Victorian England’s strict social hierarchy. Bronte uses the very common occupation of a governess as the rigorous tool of examination into the theme itself. She portrays Jane as a figure of ambiguous social standing, consequently making Jane a figure of extreme tension amongst her peers. This is evinced through Jane’s powerfully acerbic disposition towards social superiors who exert their arrogance upon her, an example of “Do you think, because I am poor, obscure, plain, and little, I am soulless and heartless? You think wrong!” from one of Jane’s conversations with Rochester, exemplifies this fact. The relative composition in the extract stems from Jane’s “If I were to marry you, you would kill me”, strongly demarcating Jane from her diminutive social class and the associated perceptions of it.

Throughout the text, Jane struggles continually to achieve equality and to overcome oppression. In addition to class hierarchy, she must fight against patriarchal domination. Three characters are presented by Bronte as a hindrance to her desire for equality and dignity: Mr Brocklehurst, Edward Rochester and St John Rivers, all three of which possess a certain level of misogyny. All three are characterised as an oppression to Jane’s thoughts and feelings, a technique which allows Bronte to target the reader’s emotional response to the text, as part of an integrated whole. Jane’s suppression also presents a social tension in the text, which serves the framework of a palette of perspectives to increase the reader’s understanding of the various “readings” the text contains, and the influence of position of power. “His lips turned white-quite white” from the extract represents the perspective of challenged power, ascribing an overarching depth to Jane’s sense of justice.

Thus through various techniques of literary manipulation, Charlotte Bronte presents a seminal text which explores the contextual zeitgeist of Victorian England and through example of the extract, integrates the key themes of the text as a whole to render the text a classical, Romantic bildungsroman.
 

Absolutezero

real human bean
Joined
Nov 17, 2007
Messages
15,077
Gender
Male
HSC
N/A
Someone tell me plz, is this renewed essay above 11/15?


Charlotte bronte’s Victorian romance jane eyre, set in 19th century England, has endured as a key text throughout literary history, largely due to the universal relevance of its themes and its textual integrity. The story follows the introduction of a variety of these universal themes including the quest for acceptance and love, religion, social class and gender relations, presenting them as inherent facets of the human condition.
Capital Bronte
Integrate time period: combine Victoria Romance with the setting
You've stated that the themes are relevant, but not stated what they are
Don't just list themes, state what's important about them and how they're represented
Tie the themes back to the question

The quest to be loved and acquire a sense of appreciation by society as well as a sense of belonging, is a primary theme of Bronte’s text. The protagonist Jane Eyre foretells to a character Helen Burns of “to gain some affection from someone… I would submit to let a bull toss me” indicating Jane’s inherent urgency to be loved is a strong drive in her interaction with peers. Yet over the course of the text, Jane must learn how to acquire love without sacrificing and harming herself in the process. This is strongly conveyed in the extract wherein Jane describes “I adhere to my resolution” and “I will not marry you St John”. This illustrates Jane’s emotional and moral development from childhood and maturation into an emotionally cautious individual.
"acquire a sense of appreciation by society as well as a sense of belonging" can be dramatically reduced
Belonging is not the topic at hand here. Avoid it.
"foretells to a character Helen Burns of " reads badly
What is the technique being used it the quote?
"Yet over the course of the text, Jane must learn how to acquire love without sacrificing and harming herself in the process." this is just retelling the plot. Reduce it and make it relevant to the point your about to state.
"strongly conveyed in the extract wherein Jane describes" be succinct. This is too wordy
How do the quotes show what you're saying. Also, TECHNIQUES. You need them
"from childhood and maturation" unnecessary
Tie your points back to your argument for this paragraph and tie that back to the question

Bronte elucidates the moral and emotional development of Jane throughout the text in a variety of ways. Jane fears losing her autonomy as well as all the fruits of her moral development if she accepts Rochester’s first marriage proposal. Her description, “I had wrought hard to extirpate from my soul the germs of love there detected” allows Bronte to procure a dilemma for Jane, giving her a choice between marrying Rochester with the associated perceptions of loss of integrity and status for the sake of emotional gratification, or giving her the option of leaving him to preserve her convictions but lose her emotional attachment and thus acquire a depth of apathy. “I had wrought hard to extirpate from my soul the germs of love there detected” This thematic concern is addressed again through Jane’s “I adhere to my resolution”, prompting the collective perception of Jane’s Weltanschauung as roughly distinct and progressively developed, separate from the expected route of portrayal.
Moral and emotional development sounds like what you were talking about in the above paragraph. How is this different?
"throughout the text in a variety of ways" unnecessary language
"Jane fears losing her autonomy as well as all the fruits of her moral development if she accepts Rochester’s first marriage proposal. " reads like your just summarising the text
How does the quote show what you're stating, be clear. Use techniques.
" giving her a choice between marrying Rochester with the associated perceptions of loss of integrity and status for the sake of emotional gratification, or giving her the option of leaving him to preserve her convictions but lose her emotional attachment and thus acquire a depth of apathy. " too much retelling
"This thematic concern" what thematic concern. Be clear
"Weltanschauung" unnecessarily verbose.
How do your points prove your argument. Make the link clear.


Throughout the novel, Bronte portrays Jane as part of a grand struggle to find the right balance between moral duty and earthly pleasure, between obligation to her spirit and attention to her body. The three religious figures of Mr Brocklehurst, Helen Burns and St John Rivers are starkly juxtaposed against each other, a technique which Bronte uses to not only illustrate the attrition of a generic religiosity amongst Victorian citizens, but the depiction of three wildly different approaches to religion and religious sentiments. Bronte describes how Jane ultimately rejects these three different religious principles, as Jane comes to form her own ideas of faith and moral compass. This is passionately conveyed through Jane’s rejection of St John in the extract, “what terror those cold people can put into their questions!” cements this refinement of ideology. This transition is similar to elements of bildungsroman, which in combination with the transition of a variety of other themes gives the text its powerful textual integrity.
You first line is an ok point, but make it more obviously an argument.
"a technique which Bronte uses to not only" unnecessary language
Make your point clearly represent your argument
"Bronte describes how Jane ultimately rejects these three different religious principles" retelling
"in the extract" unnecessary
techniques
Poor integration of "bildungsroman"
"which in combination with the transition of a variety of other themes gives the text its powerful textual integrity." this is meaningless.
State your argument and its ties to the question.

Bronte depicts her eponymous protagonist as being intensely critical of Victorian England’s strict social hierarchy. Bronte uses the very common occupation of a governess as the rigorous tool of examination into the theme itself. She portrays Jane as a figure of ambiguous social standing, consequently making Jane a figure of extreme tension amongst her peers. This is evinced through Jane’s powerfully acerbic disposition towards social superiors who exert their arrogance upon her, an example of “Do you think, because I am poor, obscure, plain, and little, I am soulless and heartless? You think wrong!” from one of Jane’s conversations with Rochester, exemplifies this fact. The relative composition in the extract stems from Jane’s “If I were to marry you, you would kill me”, strongly demarcating Jane from her diminutive social class and the associated perceptions of it.
First line needs to make the argument clear. It currently reads more like a second expanding line.
How does she use the occupation of the governess. Be specific with examples.
"into the theme itself" unnecessary
"She portrays Jane as a figure of ambiguous social standing, consequently making Jane a figure of extreme tension amongst her peers. " Too broad
"This is evinced through Jane’s powerfully acerbic disposition towards social superiors who exert their arrogance upon her, an example of “Do you think, because I am poor, obscure, plain, and little, I am soulless and heartless? You think wrong!” from one of Jane’s conversations with Rochester, exemplifies this fact" sentence is too big
"who exert their arrogance upon her" redudant
What are the techniques and what do they say
"strongly demarcating Jane from her diminutive social class and the associated perceptions of it." verbose
Tie ideas back to argument and question

Throughout the text, Jane struggles continually to achieve equality and to overcome oppression. In addition to class hierarchy, she must fight against patriarchal domination. Three characters are presented by Bronte as a hindrance to her desire for equality and dignity: Mr Brocklehurst, Edward Rochester and St John Rivers, all three of which possess a certain level of misogyny. All three are characterised as an oppression to Jane’s thoughts and feelings, a technique which allows Bronte to target the reader’s emotional response to the text, as part of an integrated whole. Jane’s suppression also presents a social tension in the text, which serves the framework of a palette of perspectives to increase the reader’s understanding of the various “readings” the text contains, and the influence of position of power. “His lips turned white-quite white” from the extract represents the perspective of challenged power, ascribing an overarching depth to Jane’s sense of justice.
Argument needs to be clearer in first line.
"In addition to class hierarchy, she must fight against patriarchal domination." shouldn't be a sentence by itself
How are the characters hindrances, how do they oppress her and what is their misogyny shown through
"a technique " what is the techniques
"Bronte to target the reader’s emotional response to the text, as part of an integrated whole" worthless language
"Jane’s suppression also presents a social tension in the text, which serves the framework of a palette of perspectives to increase the reader’s understanding of the various “readings” the text contains, and the influence of position of power" This isn't really a middle of paragraph point, and it needs to be explained better
Don't jump straight into a quote from a fullstop
"from the extract" unnecessary
Tie back to question and ideas

Thus through various techniques of literary manipulation, Charlotte Bronte presents a seminal text which explores the contextual zeitgeist of Victorian England and through example of the extract, integrates the key themes of the text as a whole to render the text a classical, Romantic bildungsroman.
"literary manipulation" poor way to refer to language
"contextual zeitgeist" tautology. Pick one or the other
"through example of the extract, integrates the key themes of the text as a whole" useless language. What are the themes and how are they integrated
" bildungsroman" probably best to avoid using this word completely.
" bildungsroman" is not what you're trying to prove. Reference your introductions argument









That should get you started with what to fix
 

knxd

Member
Joined
Jul 17, 2011
Messages
135
Gender
Male
HSC
2013
inb4 plagirism and 8000 other kids use same essay
 

Absolutezero

real human bean
Joined
Nov 17, 2007
Messages
15,077
Gender
Male
HSC
N/A
inb4 plagirism and 8000 other kids use same essay
I highly doubt it. The incentive just isn't there with both the punishment and all the other better options available.
 

Users Who Are Viewing This Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 1)

Top