Question (2 Viewers)

[azzie]

Okay well I've been asking this one for a few days now, but I thought I might as well post it here to see what replies I get.

How do you know something is love rather than simply lust, infatuation or familiarity?

 

[ObjectsInSpace]

When the word "love" feels too short to describe your feelings for the other person.

Actually, I have no idea; I just made that up. And es, I'm aware it was corny.

 

[sunjet]

Personal judgement

 

[quik.]

^

I dont think it's something that can be expressed, you just have to go with your 'gut'.

 

[azzie]

But what if nothing changes in your "gut" from the time you meet them to two months into dating them?

Like, you know you like someone, but what makes it love? I can't work it out.

 

[Skeeta]

Okay well I've been asking this one for a few days now, but I thought I might as well post it here to see what replies I get.

How do you know something is love rather than simply lust, infatuation or familiarity?

I think when people get all hung up on whether it is "love" or not, is when problems begin to arise because it is undefineable.

Life would be particuarly easy if you could say
"yes he gave me goosebumps three times today, and he looked into my eyes at a 35 degree angle so we love each other"

In my opinion i would define love when you feel it - whether you have felt it previously or not. You have to remember not all love is forever (no matter what cinderella tells you), so yes.. you can love one day and not love the next. Its an emotion, like happiness, sadness etc.

To me, love is when you WANT to be with someone because they make you feel fantastic, you're not the same without them, you will put yourself out financially or other for them, you can see yourselves together in the future.

Lust = falling very hard, very fast, becoming infatuated - rather than happy and comfortable
Infatuation = very similar to lust, but IMO its when the other person doesnt feel the same way. Ie) I am infatuated with Adam Brody, but he doesnt give a fuck who i am, and its just not realistic.
Familiarity = what you have with your best mates, you're comfortable around them, you hang, you do want to see them, but you dont particularly want to grow old with them, and/or want to sleep with them, be intimate with them

 

[azzie]

What if you're happy with AND without them? That you can spend 4 days appart and miss them but it's not like a major thing. It's just a thought of "oh, I'd like to see him but it's ok, I can do without too"... but you're attracted to them physically and like them a lot, for their personality and everything, just the way they are.
But you don't know how long you'll be together, and thats ok.

Personally I find love such a hard concept to grasp, it always seems to me to be something that guys say to get into your pants. Why isn't liking someone the same thing as loving them?


I don't know what love is, because I don't think I've ever been in love before. I don't think my past relationships are extrodinarily memorable and I mostly remember the bad rather than the good times.

I rekon "love" is a thing that is widely used to get on someones good side, because the relationship gets boring or because it "seems the right thing to say"

 

[ur_inner_child]

I think maybe for you azzie...

When you're not scared to be "too attached" anymore you could call it something closer to love.

 

[quik.]

Being happy with and without someone is a good thing, it does not exclude you from loving them though. It simply means, in my eyes at least, that you are strong and confident enough as an individual to function independantly.

If your happier without the person, then it's an issue. :]

Not knowing whether or not you'll be with a person in the long term future is a 'better' or at least more related way to navigate the topic, but even then it's pretty bloody hard. You can love someone but not share the same goals in life etc, and thus may part ways.

It just seems to be a very individual thing. Nobody can just write down a textbook definition of love :]

 

[alby]

i'm with stef

and to quote myself,

there's no one definition of love because everyone has different opinions, experiences and feelings. love is just a feeling, but its pretty deep when compared to friendship, lust, etc. and you generally have to know that deeper feeling to compare it to the others, otherwise you could quite easily call feelings of lust (puppy/platonic love) 'love'

 

[Skeeta]

What if you're happy with AND without them? That you can spend 4 days appart and miss them but it's not like a major thing. It's just a thought of "oh, I'd like to see him but it's ok, I can do without too"... but you're attracted to them physically and like them a lot, for their personality and everything, just the way they are.
But you don't know how long you'll be together, and thats ok.

Personally I find love such a hard concept to grasp, it always seems to me to be something that guys say to get into your pants. Why isn't liking someone the same thing as loving them?


I don't know what love is, because I don't think I've ever been in love before. I don't think my past relationships are extrodinarily memorable and I mostly remember the bad rather than the good times.

I rekon "love" is a thing that is widely used to get on someones good side, because the relationship gets boring or because it "seems the right thing to say"

Four days isnt that long.. But you should want to be with them, a lot of the time.. but i guess it also depends on what type of person you are - and what you are like in a relationship.
If you dont CARE about whether you are together in the future or not - then thats a warning sign.
If it doesnt bother you because you can imagine better coming along, then I'd think that its more of a relationship of convenience.
BUT if you figure, thats life, things happen bla bla then .. i dunno perhaps it is love

but i think you're thinking way to much about it.


To be honest I agree with UIC, you seem way to scared to get attached to someone, because you've been hurt in the past - and you're probably a bit caught up in protecting yourself than just letting go and let it happen. Its not going to be love, if you pull away everytime you feel close - because i think thats what love is..

Plus

You're never going to be in love if you dont believe it exists

 

[azzie]

Okay.
Well.

Anyone else got other answers? :s

 

[Redgoddess]

I think that love and being in love are two different things. like i'd say i love some of my friends because they're a huge part of my life, i'd do anything for them, i know i can rely on them and they can do vice versa, but i'm not in love with them. i guess in love is all that stuff, but like you feel like htey complete you? there's nothing you'd rather do than be with them? you can sit in silence and not have it feel awkward. and obviously there's physical attraction. i dunno. it's hard to define, very subjective

 

[quik.]

I would hate to feel like someone completed me. I want to be someone on my own, not using another person as a crutch.

But yes on with the thread huzzah :]

 

[azzie]

I don't know why, but the idea of ALWAYS wanting to be with someone is kinda scary. I mean, wouldn't you want your own space? Wouldn't you get sick of that person eventually?

I don't know the answers to these questions, but anyone can feel free to chip in

 

[lengy]

Should it matter? Just wait. Time will tell.

 

[quik.]

It is perfectly normal and healthy to need your own space in any relationship, loving or no.

Getting sick of the person i don't really know... but i would think that if you were able to maintain a relationship over a number of years, it wouldn't be an issue?

 

[alby]

own space: most likely, yes (otherwise you're counted as one of those REALLY clingy partners/people). remember that being together doesnt mean being together 24/7

sick of the person: you may, you may not. if you do, its probably best if the relationship dies then and there; if you don't, you're on the way to/have found those deeper feelings/connections (the bits that people count as love or something close to it)

 

[ur_inner_child]

own space: most likely, yes (otherwise you're counted as one of those REALLY clingy partners/people). remember that being together doesnt mean being together 24/7

That's true. I live with my boyfriend and everyone thinks that we'd surely get sick of each other but that's hardly the case. Much like living with your parents and still maintaining space.

 

[ElGronko]

Does it count when they say they "<3" you on an internet forum?