Rate mein essay please! (1 Viewer)

[Chaosenigma]

Hoping to get some constructive feedback ^_^, anything that may need adding to, anything that needs changing.

Feel free to use it as notes.

 

[ellen.louise]

I can't give you feedback on the content cause I can't be bothered reading the whole thing this late at night, but I would suggest you don't abbreviate science fiction in your introduction, and get rid of 'in conclusion' from your conclusion. Never ever begin a conclusion like that. If you need to, write it how you want to and then cross out 'In conclusion' because you will find that it makes just as much sense without it but doesn't sound as weak.

 

[Sad Statue]

Thanks for the free essay. Saves me a lot of work.

But seriously, the punctuation errors got too much for me halfway through the first paragraph.

 

[ellen.louise]

In comparison to other forms of life,

Humans are the most powerful and far spread species across the world. All other life forms physically evolve in order to conform to nature whereas humanity exploits and tries to master over the natural world using technology and altering nature to fit humanity's needs. Humanity's use of power and its obsession with technology, in turn leads to technology distorting humanity and the degrading of moral and ethical values within society.

The prescribed texts, Science fiction novel Brave New World (BNW) by Aldous Huxley published in 1932, and the neo noir film Blade Runner (BR) released in 1982, are both set within a dystopic future.

I suggest you rewrite this whole thing. You haven't really presented an argument, and what you did say was more like a biology essy. You need to draw a thesis FROM your texts, and then in your intro you need to summarise how exactly your texts convey this. Seriously, I am not going to read the rest of the essay because it's a lost cause from the introduction. You need a solid intro which lets the reader know what your purpose is (ie what you are trying to prove with your texts as evidence)

Get rid of the bits in green plz.They are unneccessary and you were just trying to boost your word count. Markers know

 

[Chaosenigma]

Thanks for the feedback, well, i thought i did quite well in the body but thanks for telling me where i went wrong in the intro