Show not tell/creative writing thread (2 Viewers)

[Nailgun]

Thanks but if it did matter that Mr X was 17 years old then how would you show not tell for it? Through their behavoiur of what, would you have to call him like a "youngster"? (even though that's tell)

He gave you examples

More to the point, why does it matter to us that the character is exactly seventeen years old? Unless it actually affects the story, there's no point in telling us. If you want a show, don't tell, for this type of detail, then it has to be organic to the scene. e.g.

The group all crowded into the bar. Except John. The bouncer stopped John. Can't fool a professional with a cheapie ID.

AND

He flicked through his Extension Math book – a few questions circled to give him the slight edge over his classmates.

Both scenes give you details about the scene, and roughly reveal the characters age.

 

[eyeseeyou]

Do you even know what the teacher means by show not tell


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Yeah, describe the situation using your 5 senses and don't say what is happening.

e.g. Tell:The boy sitting there was an idiot
Show: "tick, tock", as the big hand of the clock started to rotate in a circular motion, there was a lonely high school student, isolated in the corner of the classroom as he didn't lift his pen up to his paper

 

[Nailgun]

Yeah, describe the situation using your 5 senses and don't say what is happening.

e.g. Tell:The boy sitting there was an idiot
Show: "tick, tock", as the big hand of the clock started to rotate in a circular motion, there was a lonely high school student, isolated in the corner of the classroom as he didn't lift his pen up to his paper

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chekhov's_gun

 

[eyeseeyou]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chekhov's_gun

???

 

[Absolutezero]

Sarah blew out the seventeen candles on her cake in one breath. She always was good at blowies.

 

[eyeseeyou]

Sarah blew out the seventeen candles on her cake in one breath. She always was good at blowies.

Okay that makes sense now. Thanks Absolutezero

 

[eyeseeyou]

How would you do show not tell for "I was a rabbit" or "I was a turtle" (don't think of the hare and the tortoise lol)

 

[Absolutezero]

My grandmother always told me "We turtles never forget, Bill". That said, my name is Jim.

 

[eyeseeyou]

My grandmother always told me "We turtles never forget, Bill". That said, my name is Jim.

huh?

 

[Absolutezero]

turtle

 

[eyeseeyou]

turtle

Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah, I misintepreted that soz. What about the rabbit?

 

[Sien]

Sarah blew out the seventeen candles on her cake in one breath. She always was good at blowies.

Why do I see a double meaning hahaha

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[Absolutezero]

Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah, I misintepreted that soz. What about the rabbit?

My grandmother always told me "We rabbits never forget, Bill". But then why did she ask me what September 11 was?

 

[plane]

Why do I see a double meaning hahaha

Implies something else indeed... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

[eyeseeyou]

My grandmother always told me "We rabbits never forget, Bill". But then why did she ask me what September 11 was?

Is there another way to show not tell for I am a rabbit or I am a turtle. For example can't you say something like "as my dim eyes gazed towards the ground, I felt this slight dose of sunlight as i gazed to my furry white skin, shining bright like a diamond...etc etc"

 

[Absolutezero]

Is there another way to show not tell for I am a rabbit or I am a turtle. For example can't you say something like "as my dim eyes gazed towards the ground, I felt this slight dose of sunlight as i gazed to my furry white skin, shining bright like a diamond...etc etc"

Yes. That would do it.

 

[eyeseeyou]

Yes. That would do it.

Thanks

 

[eyeseeyou]

How do I show not tell for "I am a robot" given that robots don't really have feelings (don't think of it in that way)

 

[eyeseeyou]

How do I show not tell for "the wave of heat blasted into me as I was trembling along the hot sand"

Describing the setting is kinda annoying tbh

 

[Absolutezero]

How do I show not tell for "the wave of heat blasted into me as I was trembling along the hot sand"

Describing the setting is kinda annoying tbh

That is show.