Staying friends after a break-up (2 Viewers)

[Skeeta]

That red bit, that's pretty much it. I haven't ended my relationship but I think friendship is whats holding mine together for the moment, and I'm just shit scared.

How are you now? It's been more than a year.

I'd really like to know.

I mean, the friendship clearly didnt work for us seeing as i found out he cheated/left me for a friend of his i never trusted from the start - at a very bad time for me, and in a awful situation.

But, saying that... I wish that it'd happened sooner. I am the happiest I've ever been in my life (and the new/amazing boyfriend/old friend definitely helps with that... now I know what a real/good relationship is what to be)

Getting together so young (and i'm assuming you're in a similar situation) - I hadn't experienced any other relationships and didnt know what a "good one" consisted of. We stayed together because we were "compatible". I say it as "compatible" because it wasnt exactly the case. We were similar age, didnt hate each other, got along most of the time - and for the better part, enjoyed each others company (although thinking about it now makes me cringe)
ie) We never saw a reason to break up.

So many many many many times, I argued that I didnt feel like a "girlfriend".. just someone who was always around, and comfortable. Its SCARY.. especially never really being single before, and always sort of having that support around.

If you've got doubts, i'd go with your gut. I mean, it was some of the worst couple of month's I've had to go through - but it is in reality the best thing thats ever happened to me


Edit: Hahah oh goodness, I was a little naive and hopeful wasn't I. God bless me.
Looking back on it, he just wanted his cake, and eat it too (well, i think he just wanted a few peices of cake)
Having said that, i still think a friendship could work (and i will always keep in contact with my current b/f - but we're a very different situation.

Let me know how things go...

 

[Riet]

^^I wouldn't even go with your gut, I was being 100% serious. If you really want a friendship you'd have to like have a period in which to cool off. Going from intimate -> friends suddenly just doesn't work very well.

 

[wubbagubba]

That red bit, that's pretty much it. I haven't ended my relationship but I think friendship is whats holding mine together for the moment, and I'm just shit scared.

How are you now? It's been more than a year.

I'd really like to know.

ive had a relationship like that, yeah it's scary but when i finally left her, i realised that holding on to both the hope that i still loved her and the fear of never being that close to anyone ever, was the dumbest thing
​

 

[Evilo]

"Try" and be friends, you'll probably start off being okay together, then distance yourself. Then you'll just talk on occasion.

Can't really do anything about it - its just life.

 

[Caitlin63]

When I broke up with my ex things were awkward for a while even though he said he still wanted to be friends but hey a year or so on now and we are really close friends, both with different people now but I'm glad I dated him because even though it was a relationship that was never meant to work, it did allow me to find a wonderful friend.

 

[.:AmBeR.SmItH:.]

My girlfriend of two years and I broke up around a month or two ago, and we both wanted to remain friends.

We still saw each other often, went to her house to hang after uni etc.

I didn't think it would cause problems at first, I thought I was coping with the whole thing well, and then about a month afterwards it kind of all hit me and it wasn't too great.

So I basically said I couldn't handle being friends right now, I need time to get over you, yadda yadda.

Been about a month since then and my head's slowly screwing back on, we work together at the moment so we still have to interact when we're on shift together, but thankfully my managers a bitch and doesn't roster me that often.

But yeah, for me personally, I definately needed some space with no, or at least bare minimum, contact, I guess to solidify in my mind that hey we arn't together anymore.

We're starting to talk again, but it's going pretty slowly, which is fine by me.

yer i totally relate, took about a year b4 after the break up till we were best friends agian like we are today lols

 

[ur_inner_child]

Thanks Skeeta for that. I really needed that read, just to clarify etc. I don't know think I'll look back on this badly though, but I totally understand your relief.

Well that night I posted that message (ie yesterday), I broke up with my boyfriend.

I did it very gradually. Like "do you ever think sometimes the romance is gone" which we talked about, joked about etc. That slowly turned into "we've had a good run. It's been 5 years" which then turned into "you meant a lot to me" and I did the whole "you were there when I needed you at X point and Y point", which was a whole session of just appreciating what was, and really coming to terms that its over now.

And then we talked about how I was living with him and his family, and how 5 years almost makes me a part of the family and it would be hard on his younger siblings...

My boyfriend was always going to move indefinately to Wollongong in November this year, so it won't be too awkward staying in the household, and that I was his best friend too, so it wouldn't be too bad. And I would eventually move out when I feel ready. He was saying I should never feel the need to be rushed when it came to moving. At this point we still cracked jokes here and there, so it was still really positive.

Then we lay some ground rules about not ever hinting we're seeing anyone etc, not even facebook photos. And that if anyone were to enter a relationship, that we be honest about that, but I doubt either of us finds a relationship appealing for a long while. Then we joked about how he gets to dump me on facebook for everyone to see. And how shit facebook is.

I'm so relieved about how positive this is.

Longest post ever. But yeah. We're pretty good.

I'm just going to paraphrase John Mayer: You are truthful in the beginning of the relationship, you are truthful in the middle, and you should also be truthful when you're coming out of the relationship. You don't taper or waste people's time.

 

[scarybunny]

Most amicable breakup ever, perhaps.

 

[Evilo]

yeah sounds like it went pretty well tbh.

 

[scarybunny]

But sometimes things seem like they're going well.

And then your ex yells at you over msn.

 

[Riet]

And sometimes you find out that your ex fucked your best friend after making you feel guilty about making out with someone in Port Macquarie.

 

[scarybunny]

I sometimes wonder how men and women manage to coexist.

Because most of the time we just shit each other right off.

 

[Riet]

yeh, guys can be assholes.

 

[AsyLum]

I sometimes wonder how men and women manage to coexist.

Because most of the time we just shit each other right off.

Or take a shit on each other, thats what I call love.

 

[12th man]

i personally cant stay friends with an ex. atleast in the relationships ive been in, theres nothing positive to be gained from it; friendship will enver be the same/things omitted/a bit awkard; and id rather not go back there if i didnt have to

only really had two seirous relationships

first one was about a year ago that i got dumped and it hurt like a motherfucker...it was a while ago now but i dont particularly want to hear about her and her new guy and how happy she is; even though ive been wiht others since its just not something i need to/want to hear even though it was inevitable and good that shes happy rather than sad

and the other girl who i was in a relationship with since that breakup; i broke up with her and have absoltuely no desire to speak to her again...ont out of a nasty way or anything; i just dont want to


so yeah for me; friends with exes is a no go zone; it's over once its over. not interested in hearing how much happier they are with someone apart from me and assume it would be vice versa, just no point voluntarily going throuhg that shit once youve already been throuhg a breakup which is bad enoguoh....move on entirely's my motto

 

[Skeeta]

Longest post ever. But yeah. We're pretty good.

I hope you're ok. Breaking up is a shit of a thing, even when its amicable. Sounds like you're both mature - and smart about it.

It looks like it genuinely ended well.. Theres bound to be some awkward moments, but you've been so good about it, making firm ground rules (make sure you dont break them!)

I wish you all the best stef, I'm always here if you ever need to debrief. Sometimes someone who doesn't know the man involved is the best

 

[hiphophooray123]

Getting together so young (and i'm assuming you're in a similar situation) - I hadn't experienced any other relationships and didnt know what a "good one" consisted of. We stayed together because we were "compatible". I say it as "compatible" because it wasnt exactly the case. We were similar age, didnt hate each other, got along most of the time - and for the better part, enjoyed each others company (although thinking about it now makes me cringe)
ie) We never saw a reason to break up.
...

you hated cricket!

 

[Evilo]

yeh, guys can be assholes.

'sif.

 

[Pace_T]

staying friends never works out if all your breakups have been real nasty.
i just can't have a nice breakup

 

[Riet]

'sif.

I didn't say which one.