The Shittest Movie Ever. (3 Viewers)

[icecreamdisco]

The shittest movie ever made has to be The Straight Story. So bloody boring. It's about 73 year old Alvin Straight whose brother (whom he hasn't talk to in 3 decades) has a heart attack. So Alvin decides to visit him. Problem is he doesn't have a drivers license and neither does his daughter who is mentally handicapped so he decides to drive his ride-on LAWNMOWER across three bloody US states. Who cares. Kill. Me. Now.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

this is a beautiful film. one of lynch's best. sure, it's not full of incident but it is full of simply, earnest humanity and has one of the most perfect endings ever.

you obviously have no soul.

 

[Benny_]

I'm gonna go for Gayniggers From Outer Space. Those 27 minutes really opened my eyes to how poor a film can be. At least Troll 2 was funny.

 

[brightsea]

you'll have to forgive me if i get any of the following bits wrong...it's been a long while since i've seen the film.

this is a beautiful film. one of lynch's best. sure, it's not full of incident but it is full of simply, earnest humanity and has one of the most perfect endings ever.

i'll agree, icecream, with your comment that the film isn't full of incidents - the most exciting event was when alvin lost his brakes and rolled down a mild hill. the straight story must be the slowest road trip movie ever made.watching a movie where the frame is mostly consumed by a man, his lawnmower and a yellow line is not my idea of entertainment.

the film's main problem is that lynch oversimplifies life and is determined to present alvin's experiences through rose coloured glasses. the implied message: isn't life wonderful? look how these brothers can reconnect after ten years.

the fact is life isn't like that. there's a momentary jolt of energy and vitality when alvin meets the woman who has run over the deer but the scene is gone in a flash. as for the inclusion of sissy spacek's character rosie, it was pointless and did nothing to further the plot.

i also found the the ending unfulfilling. "yup." what the hell?

in short, a very dull film. give me the creepiness and menace of blue velvet and mulholland dr anyday.

you obviously have no soul.

i don't get called a heartless bitch for nothing

 

[go_swans]

fucking Dark Water. GAYYYYYYYYYYY

 

[Namlet]

Hm...Kevin and Perry movie..can't remember the rest of that name now; worst movie i've seen.

Nam - Too many movies to name that aren't really good...

 

[nwatts]

The Straight Story is very good, brightsea. Even if you're not a fan, it couldn't possibly rate as shittest movie ever. Lynch has so much range. Give the man an island.

Also, The Life Aquatic was brilliant to whoever thought it was dull!

My vote would probably go for 2004's The Punisher.

 

[icecreamdisco]

i'll agree, icecream, with your comment that the film isn't full of incidents - the most exciting event was when alvin lost his brakes and rolled down a mild hill. the straight story must be the slowest road trip movie ever made.watching a movie where the frame is mostly consumed by a man, his lawnmower and a yellow line is not my idea of entertainment.

the film's main problem is that lynch oversimplifies life and is determined to present alvin's experiences through rose coloured glasses. the implied message: isn't life wonderful? look how these brothers can reconnect after ten years.

the fact is life isn't like that. there's a momentary jolt of energy and vitality when alvin meets the woman who has run over the deer but the scene is gone in a flash. as for the inclusion of sissy spacek's character rosie, it was pointless and did nothing to further the plot.

i also found the the ending unfulfilling. "yup." what the hell?

to me, the final scene is perfect because it speaks volumes about their friendship and the significance of alvin's journey; perhaps it was superfluous to drive all the way there on a tractor to reconcile things with his his brother, but he wanted to make a gesture like that anyway just so he can die having lived his life to the fullest in terms of his connections with those he loved. that single 'yup' is just him expressing his journey as concisely and earnestly as possible. his brother appreciates his company just like the way alvin appreciates the pregnant girl leaving the bundle of sticks earlier as a gesture of the importance of family. and whether they have symbolic/narrative meaning or not, i like all the little episodes. and the cinematography and score.

in short, a very dull film. give me the creepiness and menace of blue velvet and mulholland dr anyday.

i like SS more than blue velvet, but otherwise i agree.

 

[AlleyCat]

shittest movie=glitter.
hands down.

 

[Lundy]

fucking Dark Water. GAYYYYYYYYYYY

Have you seen the original japanese version? I haven't seen the remake but the original was quite good. America has a habit of fucking up good films.

 

[*caramel adele*]

haha gigli was soooo good.
only because jennifer lopez had a monolgue for about 5 minutes straight on how the vagina was in all encompassing ways, better than a penis!

 

[CalGuy22]

i haven't seen gigli yet (perversely, i want to though); wasn't nuts about The Life Aquatic, but refuse to give up on anything that Wes Anderson does, and as for The Straight Story, I think it's gorgeous and Lynch's best film, save for Blue Velvet. it has the quirkiness of all his work, without the "Look at how weird this is" feeling that i feel plagues much of his work.

 

[materialgirl]

Gigli was AWFUL. So bad that at the end of it, I was actually angry that I would never get the time I wasted on this unbelievably sexist and homophobic movie back.

 

[king_of_boredom]

thirded. starship troopers rocked. cutting heads and stuff.

the punisher. now that is a quality shit movie.

aww cmon. the punisher was good, but i guess if youre not desensitised to that kind of violence then i understand.

 

[thorrnydevil]

The Longest Yard is the crappest movie ever.

If it hadn't been done on the EXACT same plot as Mean Machine it would have been ok.

 

[crazyhomo]

actually, mean machine was a remake of the longest yard

 

[thorrnydevil]

I stand corrected.

 

[jack white]

Little Nicky.
Was it meant to be funny?

 

[Italian Hotshot]

Some recent finds - I had to include pictures, words simply cannot describe them!

 

[Dreamerish*~]

 

[Stan..]

The biggest load of shit I ever saw was this gem of a movie called Extreme Ops. Terrible movie, pathetic acting and a horrid storyline that could have been written by 5 Year old watching the X-Games.