What would you do? (3 Viewers)

[kimi]

I'd tell them, then when they object say "Well if I just wanted to have sex I could do 10000 things cheaper than this. This is about wanting a holiday, not about sex, stop controlling me and get the fuck out of my country."

Then slam a door or something for dramatic effect.

 

[spank_meh]

I'd tell them, then when they object say "Well if I just wanted to have sex I could do 10000 things cheaper than this. This is about wanting a holiday, not about sex, stop controlling me and get the fuck out of my country."

Then slam a door or something for dramatic effect.

i think they'd go nuts!!

 

[ElGronko]

Don't tell them.

It is their fault for trying to force their beliefs on you.

If they were not so constrictive you would not have to lie to them.

Lie to them, then tell them when you get back.

Reiterate the fact that you wouldn't have lied if they weren't so possessive of you.

This is the only way it is going to end.

I am serious, you need to make them understand.


Please please please go on this holiday, for your sake. I can't bare to think about people not doing these normal things, that they will enjoy because of bullshit situations.

No matter what happens, whether you tell them or not, go on the fucking trip.

 

[grk_styl]

I would possibly consider telling them if they asked who was going, but then lie and say you will not be sharing a room (say you are sharing one with a friend if its concievable). But he is a friend after all. You would possibly have a better chance if he is the only boyfriend coming, because you are then less likely to have sex.

Otherwise look at the chances of them finding out.

he has a point.
You could always say your bunking with a girl. and the boys are all bunking together

 

[loquasagacious]

Well if you don't want to/can't/etc have a showdown with them then go and lie if need be.

Then when you get back, have a showdown - move out if need be.

 

[tempco]

Honestly, some of you don't seem to appreciate anything your parents have done for you. It's not as simple as "it's my body and my life". You owe them a lot, and you'll never be able to pay off that debt. The least they deserve is the truth.

 

[Anonymou5]

Lol some people seem to be living in fantasy land. I can understand the views of the people who have actually moved out and are not supported financially by their parents. But the HSC n00bs? Seriously, as long as your living expenses are still being taken care of by your parents, you are not indepedent. You may 'technically' be an adult but as long as you are living under their roof, it's not a simple case of 'your life, your choice.'

 

[ElGronko]

Honestly, some of you don't seem to appreciate anything your parents have done for you. It's not as simple as "it's my body and my life". You owe them a lot, and you'll never be able to pay off that debt. The least they deserve is the truth.

And as an adult you deserve to be able to make decisions about your own body.

It's not like you are selling a family heirloom or taking their car to the racetrack.

Whether she bangs her boyfriend or not has nothing to do with them.

Seriously, it affects them in no way at all whether she does or doesn't.

It is simply a matter of control. there is no way for them to rationalise their possessiveness. Regardless of what she does, it affects them in NO WAY.

This situation is totally fucked, I know that there is no way that i could live in that house. No way.

 

[ElGronko]

Lol some people seem to be living in fantasy land. I can understand the views of the people who have actually moved out and are not supported financially by their parents. But the HSC n00bs? Seriously, as long as your living expenses are still being taken care of by your parents, you are not indepedent. You may 'technically' be an adult but as long as you are living under their roof, it's not a simple case of 'your life, your choice.'

In this case it is because her parents are not financially supporting her, and the discussions she makes about her own body do not impinge on them at all.

 

[jhakka]

The whole idea of whether or not she actually has sex is not relevant to this conversation (I think someone mentioned emotional state, whether she is ready, etc). The point of the thread is how to tell her parents that her bloke will be going down with the group without them flipping out/telling her she should not go.

I agree with Anonymou5 to an extent. Because she is living with her parents and they are paying for her living expenses (ie: not charging rent, paying for food, etc), there is a degree of respect to be paid them. However I think this has been paid by the token asking of permission to go. I think it is too late for that permission to be withdrawn, as Susan is financially commited to the trip now.

I do not think Susan choosing not to go is in the cards.

I still think they should be told eventually, if only because lying is bad. The presentation is what counts. "Jason is coming down to the coast with us. Sleeping arrangements are being sorted out because of obvious gender differences between the boys and girls." And leave it at that.

Ether that or "I appreciate the concern, but I'm a big girl now and can make responsible decisions."

 

[Anonymou5]

With regards to the holiday you're right, if she's paying for it then her parents shouldn't have much of a say about what she does on her trip. But I think that the least she could do is tell her parents who is accompanying her. It doesn't matter whether or not they agree with what she plans to do. It would be quite spineless for her to not even tell her parents if they ask her - telling them is the least she could do if she still lives in their home.

Besides, if she wants to be treated like an adult, she should at least act like one. She's not 13 and so doesn't need to 'sneak out of the house' anymore so to speak. So what is there to ponder about? She's a great big independent adult now, so why is she afraid/reluctant to tell her parents about her bf going with her? It's not like they're going to lock her up. If you're really an adult, this kind of topic wouldn't be needed because you would have the power to make up your own mind.

Edit: The point is, if she tells them that he is going with her then she's an adult. If she doesn't tell them (before leaving) then she's a child. She can't control whether or not they flip out, I think that's obvious enough. It looks like she has already made up her mind anyway so her parents telling her not go is irrelevant.

 

[elsapelle]

Well I say you already know the answer to what you're going to say by now. You know your mum the best, if it would shatter her to know that he was going [either telling her before or after the trip] then don't tell her... unless of course you wouldnt be able to deal with the guilt! Like everyone else has said, you're 20, maybe in your mother's eyes you're an angel who will always be her darling daughter [yuck i know that feeling haha] but honestly, she needs to let you start growing up and finding out things through your own experiences... I mean she was young once too.
Btw is the basis of her worry just because she does not want you have sex, or is there an entirely different reason eg. doesnt like your bf (even though youve been going out so long!], is scared of 'losing you' etc... because if theres another problem, maybe you could sort things out through that!
Have fun on your trip
ciao

 

[jhakka]

With regards to the holiday you're right, if she's paying for it then her parents shouldn't have much of a say about what she does on her trip. But I think that the least she could do is tell her parents who is accompanying her. It doesn't matter whether or not they agree with what she plans to do. It would be quite spineless for her to not even tell her parents if they ask her - telling them is the least she could do if she still lives in their home.

Besides, if she wants to be treated like an adult, she should at least act like one. She's not 13 and so doesn't need to 'sneak out of the house' anymore so to speak. So what is there to ponder about? She's a great big independent adult now, so why is she afraid/reluctant to tell her parents about her bf going with her? It's not like they're going to lock her up. If you're really an adult, this kind of topic wouldn't be needed because you would have the power to make up your own mind.

Edit: The point is. If she tells them that he is going with her then she's an adult. If she doesn't tell them (before leaving) then she's a child. She can't control whether or not they flip out, I think that's obvious enough.

That's hardly fair.
1. Because she never pulled "I'm an adult and it's my body" line.
2. Because of your own point, where she is living under their roof - a point that is the cause of the problem.
3. Because of issues mentioned above by users such as grk_styl who can relate to parents who want complete control until (and possibly after) their kids move out. Regardless of adulthood or not.

I think this last is not cool, if only for the fact that as an adult she should be allowed to make her own decisions, but still ask for the approval of the parents first.

 

[Anonymou5]

A lot of people were using the 'I'm an adult' line as a justification for not telling her parents. What I said was more of a response to the people who used that line.

As for what I said in my edit being unfair - do the oppressive parents that you allude to lock their children up if they don't do as they are told? Do they beat their children if they are disobedient? If not then I really cannot see why you are saying that what I said in my edit is unfair. After all, what are the consequences if she straight out tells her parents who she is going with her if they ask?

 

[jhakka]

I don't know. Im not her mum.

I'm on the "Tell them at some point" side of the wall, so don't get on my back.

I think it's unfair that you make value judgements on a person when they are trying to take into account:
1. Her parents feelings
2. Her own wants/needs
3. Financial issues/commitments
4. Ground that has already been gained by actually being allowed to go in the first place.

 

[katy-g]

i wouldnt tell them straight out. In fact, if i REALLY WANTED to go i wouldnt tell them at all... unless they found out.

 

[kami]

A lot of people were using the 'I'm an adult' line as a justification for not telling her parents. What I said was more of a response to the people who sued that line.

What does it really matter what you think of others behaviour? They're not the subject of this thread - she is. Those people were also using it in the context of the thread - note that most posters so far haven't taken the time to criticise each other but rather give the best advice they can give from their standpoint.

I'd also disagree with you about your stance on this, but it would hardly help the thread.

As for what I said in my edit being unfair - do the oppressive parents that you allude to lock their children up if they don't do as they are told? Do they beat their children if they are disobedient? If not then I really cannot see why you are saying that what I said in my edit is unfair. After all, what are the consequences if she straight out tells her parents who she is going with her if they ask?

Perhaps its more mature of her to consider her choices and how they will affect her and her family rather than initiate a confrontation without regard to time and place that possibly will result in nothing except upset for all.

 

[Anonymou5]

You should probably read my responses more careufully. It's not so much what I think of other people's behaviour that matters but rather, the reasoning behind what is said. Simply using the 'my life, my choice' line (or something similar) is not presenting anything of substance. It does not take into account the various issues surrounding her situation. The point I was trying to get across with my criticism of that line is that it isn't as simple as 'my life, my choice.' So it doesn't help her at all to make it seem that simple when it isn't. Think first, blab later.

As for the maturity thing, you're not really being precise about what could be done. All you're offering are vague suggestions which could be interpreted in a myriad of ways, just to refute my previous comments? Comments which I had intended to help her with. That hardly helps this thread.

So you want her to consider her choices, needs and her family's needs? If that was all that she needed to do then I don't think she would need to make a thread about it. I mean, she would have a better idea than anyone here as to just how badly her parents would react to her bf going on the trip with her. So she just needs to decide between making her parents happy by sacrificing her needs this one particular time, or considering only her needs and going with her bf even though there are certainly many other opporunities when they could spend time together. But of course, this is assuming that the situation is as simple as you make it seem in your maturity comment.

 

[grk_styl]

Honestly, some of you don't seem to appreciate anything your parents have done for you. It's not as simple as "it's my body and my life". You owe them a lot, and you'll never be able to pay off that debt. The least they deserve is the truth.

Some parents don't appreciate their children. It should be as simple as "it's my life and my life". Because it IS her life and her body. It's not her mother's body. But this isn't a discussion about her choice to have sex.

I understand how hard it is to say to your parents "I'm 20 I can do whatever the fuck I want", because it doesn't work that way. But at the same, I don't believe that we "owe our parents a lot". yes they've done a lot for us, but some children have done a lot for their parents too. But i guess it differs according to the person.

If the truth is going to completely destroy the thread starter's relationship with her parents and/or boyfriend then I don't think the truth is necessary.

 

[Templar]

As for what I said in my edit being unfair - do the oppressive parents that you allude to lock their children up if they don't do as they are told? Do they beat their children if they are disobedient? If not then I really cannot see why you are saying that what I said in my edit is unfair. After all, what are the consequences if she straight out tells her parents who she is going with her if they ask?

Um, they might not lock them up as such, but they are grounded for extended periods of time. At least try to partially understand the context before you comment.