Will you ever break up because parents told you to? (1 Viewer)

[tommykins]

have a good one.

 

[-Onlooker-]

tommykins + Jeee = cute

 

[lyounamu]

agreed

 

[miaowsha]

Yes, but the complexity of my culture does form some kind of obstruction as to who I can be with, I guess. It's very minimal, but I need to have the basic 'standards' checked off first.

Wouldn't you check those basics off yourself anyway? =/

In a lot of cases, yes the parents want the best for you. In a lot of cases the parents support you.

In cases where parents don't support you, either they see something you don't that's there or isn't; OR your standards are too low, or theirs are "too high" (meaning that a size 28 uneducated girl's parents could think her bf isnt good enough because he's not an underwear model with a PHD in rocket science). There are other cases too but these are common.

I am from a culture where there are expectations too, however because I have high standards already my parents' list is always ticked off. Their standards are high. I'm not an Aussie.

My parents expect at minimum:
-To be enrolled in a degree (Arts doesn't count; The degree must be medicine, law, commerce or engineering; some sciences are acceptable but nothing "fluffy" or that will lead to research-only jobs.) I say "to be enrolled in a degree" because they wouldn't want me to be older.
-To be getting high marks in this degree. Distinction average+ is good. They don't want someone who isn't hard-working for their daughter.
-Personal qualities (mental strength/willpower, kindness, faithfulness etc take all the nice stuff).
-Must have a neat room at all times and be a neat, careful, organised person.
-Must be extremely driven to be successful.
-Must be culturally aware - eg knows classical art/music/other famous stuff.
-Must be aware about current affairs with a logical opinion.
-Must be helpful.
-Must have good manners; this includes speech, eating and more.
-Must not have any (known) crippling genetic disabilities running in the family blood line (Yep, they want grand-kids... Needless to say they won't get any).
-Must be as good-looking as their daughter.
-Must be great to lean on and keep daughter happy.
-Must be respectful.
-Must love their daughter.

There are way more things but I can't think of them off the top of my head. These are just some of the ones that came to mind. The thing is, out of that list there's only 1 or so thing that I don't really look at in terms of my standards - it'd be a bit awkward asking if there are any genetic disabilities in the bloodline lol. Oh and I don't want kids or marriage ever.

Don't you have standards which are set (as high) as your parents or higher?

Or is it perhaps that they simply don't SEE that the person you are with fulfills them? This sometimes happens.

 

[Jeee]

Wouldn't you check those basics off yourself anyway? =/

In a lot of cases, yes the parents want the best for you. In a lot of cases the parents support you.

In cases where parents don't support you, either they see something you don't that's there or isn't; OR your standards are too low, or theirs are "too high" (meaning that a size 28 uneducated girl's parents could think her bf isnt good enough because he's not an underwear model with a PHD in rocket science). There are other cases too but these are common.

I am from a culture where there are expectations too, however because I have high standards already my parents' list is always ticked off. Their standards are high. I'm not an Aussie.

My parents expect at minimum:
-To be enrolled in a degree (Arts doesn't count; The degree must be medicine, law, commerce or engineering; some sciences are acceptable but nothing "fluffy" or that will lead to research-only jobs.) I say "to be enrolled in a degree" because they wouldn't want me to be older.
-To be getting high marks in this degree. Distinction average+ is good. They don't want someone who isn't hard-working for their daughter.
-Personal qualities (mental strength/willpower, kindness, faithfulness etc take all the nice stuff).
-Must have a neat room at all times and be a neat, careful, organised person.
-Must be extremely driven to be successful.
-Must be culturally aware - eg knows classical art/music/other famous stuff.
-Must be aware about current affairs with a logical opinion.
-Must be helpful.
-Must have good manners; this includes speech, eating and more.
-Must not have any (known) crippling genetic disabilities running in the family blood line (Yep, they want grand-kids... Needless to say they won't get any).
-Must be as good-looking as their daughter.
-Must be great to lean on and keep daughter happy.
-Must be respectful.
-Must love their daughter.

There are way more things but I can't think of them off the top of my head. These are just some of the ones that came to mind. The thing is, out of that list there's only 1 or so thing that I don't really look at in terms of my standards - it'd be a bit awkward asking if there are any genetic disabilities in the bloodline lol. Oh and I don't want kids or marriage ever.

Don't you have standards which are set (as high) as your parents or higher?

Or is it perhaps that they simply don't SEE that the person you are with fulfills them? This sometimes happens.

Yep, I do have my own list of standards in my mind...plain and simple: Intelligent, witty and all the rest (trustworthy, caring etc). Though, I try not to expect anything amazing, because you know...males. They will always be mediocre . It's always better that one doesn't expect too much because they'll never be dissappointed. If you click, you click I guess.

 

[miaowsha]

Yep, I do have my own list of standards in my mind...plain and simple: Intelligent, witty and all the rest (trustworthy, caring etc). Though, I try not to expect anything amazing, because you know...males. They will always be mediocre . It's always better that one doesn't expect too much because they'll never be dissappointed. If you click, you click I guess.

Agreed! How could I forget witty >_<
Yeah it's hard to find someone decent.
With my background I'd also be disowned if I went for females haha, so little choice -.-

 

[ay0_x]

My parents have no right to talk about who I choose to date because their relationship is crappier than crap.

 

[Aquawhite]

Why would I ever listen to what my parents were going to say about relationships?

They're divorced... have crap incomes (Dad doesn't have a job) and they're not the nicest of people I've met. So no, I wouldn't take relationship advice from them although I can guarantee they'd tease and pester me over whoever I bring home as my date. <_>

 

[ay0_x]

Why would I ever listen to what my parents were going to say about relationships?

They're divorced... have crap incomes (Dad doesn't have a job) and they're not the nicest of people I've met. So no, I wouldn't take relationship advice from them although I can guarantee they'd tease and pester me over whoever I bring home as my date. <_>

Hey bro.

 

[Aquawhite]

Hey bro.

Hi? lol.

 

[disorder]

No.
In my mid-teens I faked break-ups for the sake of keeping my household peaceful, but I'd never give up someone I cared for simply to please my family.

Keep in mind, though, that I do take into account the fact that my mother is a poor judge of character and rather unhappy with my choices in the gender area, and my father agrees with her simply to be supportive.
If I believed that they were seeing something within my partners that I didn't, my decisions may have been different.

 

[CountVonChocula]

no

but maybe if my mum put together a comprehensive laminated report about why i should break up

 

[fallen__angel]

Wouldn't you check those basics off yourself anyway? =/

In a lot of cases, yes the parents want the best for you. In a lot of cases the parents support you.

In cases where parents don't support you, either they see something you don't that's there or isn't; OR your standards are too low, or theirs are "too high" (meaning that a size 28 uneducated girl's parents could think her bf isnt good enough because he's not an underwear model with a PHD in rocket science). There are other cases too but these are common.

I am from a culture where there are expectations too, however because I have high standards already my parents' list is always ticked off. Their standards are high. I'm not an Aussie.

My parents expect at minimum:
-To be enrolled in a degree (Arts doesn't count; The degree must be medicine, law, commerce or engineering; some sciences are acceptable but nothing "fluffy" or that will lead to research-only jobs.) I say "to be enrolled in a degree" because they wouldn't want me to be older.
-To be getting high marks in this degree. Distinction average+ is good. They don't want someone who isn't hard-working for their daughter.
-Personal qualities (mental strength/willpower, kindness, faithfulness etc take all the nice stuff).
-Must have a neat room at all times and be a neat, careful, organised person.
-Must be extremely driven to be successful.
-Must be culturally aware - eg knows classical art/music/other famous stuff.
-Must be aware about current affairs with a logical opinion.
-Must be helpful.
-Must have good manners; this includes speech, eating and more.
-Must not have any (known) crippling genetic disabilities running in the family blood line (Yep, they want grand-kids... Needless to say they won't get any).
-Must be as good-looking as their daughter.
-Must be great to lean on and keep daughter happy.
-Must be respectful.
-Must love their daughter.

There are way more things but I can't think of them off the top of my head. These are just some of the ones that came to mind. The thing is, out of that list there's only 1 or so thing that I don't really look at in terms of my standards - it'd be a bit awkward asking if there are any genetic disabilities in the bloodline lol. Oh and I don't want kids or marriage ever.

Don't you have standards which are set (as high) as your parents or higher?

Or is it perhaps that they simply don't SEE that the person you are with fulfills them? This sometimes happens.

yeah sure distinction averages + are all good and all that, but its not marks that make a person. depending on which occupation you enter later on, hsc/uni marks aren't going to mean anything. employers want to see what you can do - you may be good at hitting the books but can you do the job?
and as for cleaniness/tidyness...lol good luck with that. the vast majority of males simply do not understand the need to have a tidy room.

 

[rokkuguhyo]

If I was put into this situation, I'd have to break up with the person I'm going out with. I couldn't even pretend to break it off, I'd have to do it for real, because my Mum's pretty sneaky, she'd definitely be able to find out if I was going behind her back.

 

[veruschka]

No.

 

[MissSquiggly]

Ooo! My parents were discussing it with my aunt since my aunt's daughter was getting married soon and they were talking about relationships and how it was much better to let the daughter/son to choose for themselves and not force anyone on them!

Afterall, it is the daughter/son's choice and their life outcome, right?

 

[koreafantasy]

hell fucking no. If they do that then they are on the same level as homophobic parents who disown their child after finding out they are homosexual. Parents are there to GUIDE you through life, and love you no matter what person you are. not to DICTATE your life. (cough, some asian parents).

 

[rumbleroar]

Depends if the person you are getting with is an idiot.
Parents are often wise and look out for their child's best interests and I guess if they tell you to break up with someone, it is probably for a good reason (that's debatable in many cases though). But I wouldn't let them dictate my life either

 

[JustDance]

depends. can't be really answered in a short way. basically, no. but in the moment in which parents are saying something like that, that's the smallest problem you've got

 

[Crobat]

My parents' "best interests" for me are to be a millionaire by the time I'm 30 and to marry for money rather than love.