Swizzle's Love Thread - Post anonymous messages to your secret crush (8 Viewers)

[morts]

real talk

if Shadowdude posted the above this thread would be 30 pages longer about how he's a rapist

IF YOU LOVE HIM SO MUCH WHY DON'T YOU MARRY HIM
im kidding i luv u marry me instead

 

[Blue Suede]

you should ask me to go to Europe with you again

 

[Shadowdude]

Dear former number five secret crush,

Quite odd seeing you in the library on Saturday. There I was sitting down, studying for my exam, and I look behind me and I saw your golden tresses and a faint glimpse of your glasses - as you scrolled down your computer screen looking at random pictures.

And then I turned to face my work and I thought: This must be symbolic, how we face opposite directions. How you look at pictures. And I look at numbers.


we were never meant to be </3

 

[soloooooo]

Dear former number five secret crush,

Quite odd seeing you in the library on Saturday. There I was sitting down, studying for my exam, and I look behind me and I saw your golden tresses and a faint glimpse of your glasses - as you scrolled down your computer screen looking at random pictures.

And then I turned to face my work and I thought: This must be symbolic, how we face opposite directions. How you look at pictures. And I look at numbers.


we were never meant to be </3

You cannot be serious. Sure, having a crush on 1, maybe even two people is normal. 5 people? Nope, not normal.

 

[OzKo]

Dear former number five secret crush,

Quite odd seeing you in the library on Saturday. There I was sitting down, studying for my exam, and I look behind me and I saw your golden tresses and a faint glimpse of your glasses - as you scrolled down your computer screen looking at random pictures.

And then I turned to face my work and I thought: This must be symbolic, how we face opposite directions. How you look at pictures. And I look at numbers.


we were never meant to be </3

You should publish all of these under a pen name.

 

[Shadowdude]

You cannot be serious. Sure, having a crush on 1, maybe even two people is normal. 5 people? Nope, not normal.

It's a secret crush. Plus, I think it means there are plenty of attractive women around (which there is), and you know... yeah.

As a heterosexual male, I'm pretty much obliged to notice a pretty lady.


plus, there's plenty of shadowdude to go around

(not really)

You should publish all of these under a pen name.

Does 'Shadowdude' count? y/n

 

[Kiraken]

Out of curiousity do you actually sincerely love any of your crushes shadowdude?

 

[soloooooo]

It's a secret crush. Plus, I think it means there are plenty of attractive women around (which there is), and you know... yeah.

As a heterosexual male, I'm pretty much obliged to notice a pretty lady.


plus, there's plenty of shadowdude to go around

(not really)



Does 'Shadowdude' count? y/n

most people finds other peoples appearances and/or personality's attractive although that does not mean people then get abnormal crushes on them always.

 

[Shadowdude]

Love? What is love, anyways? (inb4 'oh baby don't hurt me')

Umm, these secret crushes are mostly based on looks - which is kind of shallow, but then again, it's pretty much the first impression you can give to anyone - unless you're at a masquerade (inb4 'paper faces on parade / hide your face so the world won't find you') or something


#1 secret crush is just a ridiculously attractive and awesome girl to talk to and hang around, I like her heaps - but you know... i don't know what she'd be like as a gf. Doing all that... gf stuff. I don't even know how I'd cope

But I figure if those 12 year olds from Blacktown destined to get an ATAR of * can do that stuff, sure as hell I can. good positive attitude


Running through the rest:

#2 secret crush - she seemed pretty nice, but a bit odd and I don't know if I caught her at a bad time the last time I saw her, she was a bit... pissed off at me for some reason?
#3 secret crush - she's pretty nice as well, friendly and the like - but there's no... like, umm... spark there


I will admit #5 is there purely because she's pretty hot. But at least I'm being honest about it. No, "I'm sure she has a lovely personality" or whatnot


And the further down the list you go, there's just girls there purely because they're physically attractive.

The higher up the list you go, looks become less important and basically how the girl in question and I interact is the main thing.

 

[OzKo]

Does 'Shadowdude' count? y/n

No, I think Shadowgal would be better. Your book will be more likely be featured on one of those lady talk shows.

 

[Shadowdude]

No, I think Shadowgal would be better. Your book will be more likely be featured on one of those lady talk shows.

To be serious, if people actually did send in their messages to secret crushes and someone compiled it - it could be a pretty good book.

 

[OzKo]

To be serious, if people actually did send in their messages to secret crushes and someone compiled it - it could be a pretty good book.

Do it.

 

[RANK 1]

shadow you remind me of that jew on big bang theory and how hes always imagined his first to be with and i quote "someone like scarlett johansson or angelina jolie". you should set your bar to about 1/10s to get some experience before maybe moving up to about 2/10s then maube someday if you're lucky you might be able to get with a 5/10

 

[Blue Suede]

To be serious, if people actually did send in their messages to secret crushes and someone compiled it - it could be a pretty good book.

This is a thing. It happens on tumblr. Pretty sure a book has been made.

 

[Shadowdude]

*sigh*

alright ozko, better brush up my own entries then


Dear number one secret crush,

There's a picture of you and your boyfriend that I see.

There has to be something in your boyfriend that you see that I don't. I know I've been ridiculously unfair to him, painting him as a douchebag and a terrible, horrible person who doesn't even deserve to even take a glimpse at you - and part of me thinks that is true, actually no, part me of me knows that it is true.

But then I see a picture of the two of you. And you seem so happy together.

And it makes me wonder, that with all this... negativity that I feel towards your boyfriend (who I've never met and I'm going mostly by assumption) that maybe... I should just give up. But give up? On you?

It's one of the last things I do. I pride myself on always putting in a good effort into pursuits that are worth it - and you, oh, how worth it you are. I simply have not met a more awesome and amazing girl ever, and I don't know how that would work out if, and that is a pretty iffy if, it somehow worked out that you and I would be together. And that raises whole questions of whether we'd work out - and really, I don't think it would. But that's something to deal with if, if, we ever happen.

To me, yes, you're an attractive woman. Yes, you're an awesome girl to hang around with. Yes, you're an awesome person to talk to. There are feelings within me that say I have to go for you - but you have a boyfriend, and I have to respect that. That's why you're my secret crush.

I remember before I was big on grand schemes of how I was going to win the girl of my dreams. But a relationship takes to people - I could be happy with you. But would you be happy with me? Am I fit for you?

I pretty much always think long term - I don't look for girls I can get into one night stands with, I look for something long term - a wife? That's thinking too far ahead. I don't look at the short-term, I want to plan ahead - so that when the future happens, I'll be ready. But for some reason or another, the gods that rule over this world have taken it upon themselves to restrict me from having a girlfriend. Should I be happy? Sure. Of course my long term thinking suggests, and even my own personal ponderings have figured that if you picked someone who genuinely would be able to care for you and love you, in the way you deserve - then I'd be happy. And you seem as such.

But would I be?

At the risk of being selfish, that would be too idealistic. For my human monocentric desires kick in and I'm placed with the thought, "Fine, but I'm still better than him." But am I? And here is where the crux is - for if I am to say 'No, he's better than me', it is a resignation. It is a showing that I am inferior and will take a huge blow to my self-esteem considering many of its foundations is in the pillars of academic achievement, and many other things. Although that is not the pillar that will take the blow, the pillar that will take the blow is the one that says, "I would like to have a girlfriend".

Resigning now would leave me back to square one. And then no doubt you'll be like "Oh, but you've never had a girlfriend". Yes, you will scoff at such a suggestion. Me, with a woman? For if I technically wanted a girlfriend I should've gotten one at 13-14. 16-17? 18? 19? No, we are entering the age of fuckbuddies and soon, husbandry and wifery. There are things that you learn about relationships then and there, and for me to enter that world now... well, I'm behind. You'll have to deal with me not being knowledgeable about things. Whereas other men can go from personal experience and go "aha, i can take this girl to _________ for our first date, chicks dig ________ on first dates" - I... am left with remnants of internet articles to gain but a fragment of what I'm supposed to know. And they don't even help.

That is perhaps too far ahead to think. I don't know how long you've been with your boyfriend - but I don't think there's any doubt that this is not a 'short term fling'. This is something long term.

And so I enter the fray on the back foot. Having to claw my way from behind, to get ahead. And suppose you break up with him tomorrow - what chance do I have with you?

What kind of people will I be 'competing' against? You smile with your boyfriend in those photos you have. But I'm sure you smile not because it's convention to smile in photos. I'm sure you don't smile just because you're feeling happy at that moment, or even because you want to do a silly pose or whatever.

You smile because you like him. Maybe even love him.

Your friends no doubt endorse him, and when you're in your D and M sessions with them - I don't feel that they expressly disapprove of him.


I am on the outside. I go to a different uni. I hang out with different people. We are different people.

And your boyfriend?

He's normal. He doesn't have scars all over his body, he wasn't born a genetic defect. He probably has an exciting adventurous life going places and doing things and whatnot. What chance do I have against him? And not only him, what of the others - the myriad of men who will chase after you if for some reason you become available, and even not. He symbolises them all.

Your beauty. The one thing that attracted me in the first place, is the sole reason I can not have you. And that's just not about looks, it's not a case of "you're so hot" or "you're really pretty". It encompasses you as a person. Your personality, your emotions, thoughts, demeanour, and yes - the way you look as well.

So regardless, if I choose to pursue you - and you become my #1 crush, and we drop the 'secret' title... what do I have that can win you?

"Oh yeah, I can use the method of Frobenius to solve certain types of DEs", "I can tell you about the achievement of Alexander Pope's An Essay on Criticism and how it embodies the poetry it seeks to defame", "I'm apparently an internet celebrity and I've had people come up to me in real life and ask me if I'm Shadowdude on BoS - do you even know what BoS is?", "I have a High Distinction Average", "If you give me a country, I can probably tell you about their Eurovision entries since 2008", "Oh I'm averaging around $7000 per game on Jeopardy when I play along"...

And I am running against: "Oh look at me, I'm tanned and have nice hair and have muscles", "Yeah? That's just how big my hand is", "I can play the guitar and I'm in a band!", "I do __(insert something cool)__", "Want this $4500 ring/bracelet/necklace/other piece of jewellery? You got it!" etc.

And what's my plan to counter that? While he courts you, and by the time I graduate - you'll probably be engaged. Or again embroiled in a long term relationship, possibly the one you are in now.

Despite this, I refuse to give in. I refuse to put myself in a situation where, coming home from work, for the other 16 hours of the day - I sleep in a bed alone, with no one on the other side; and eat, drink and watch TV alone - thinking about "what could have been", if I had just tried.

I see attractive women every day. They're not hard to find. But to find a girl as amazing and endearing as you... I've only found one - and that's you, so far. I've seen girls come and go, you see them a few times and you never see them again. And where was I? Too afraid to make a move. Too afraid to do something about it.

I refuse.

I live on borrowed time. Technically I shouldn't even be alive. If I didn't get those numerous heart operations well... yeah. I only live once, and you're worth it.

So the next time I see you - I'm... not going to do anything.


I've seen a picture of you and your ideal man. I don't need to imagine. You picked him, and you remain my secret crush.

As I said, you can never know that I like you.

I just have to find someone else. And if, somehow, your boyfriend makes the stupidest decision of his life - and dumps you; or if you make what could be the best decision of your life, and dump him - well... I'll deal with that when, or if, it ever happens.

 

[pony_magician]

This is a thing. It happens on tumblr. Pretty sure a book has been made.

also post secret books

 

[effyhate]

what the *fuck*

 

[soloooooo]

what the *fuck*

This.

 

[Shadowdude]

judging by your responses


i have achieved what i set out to... achieve

thank you for your valuable input

you may read that in a more polished form in a book in a couple of year's time - including a further 250 word digression on "if my number one secret crush and i would ever work out, and a discussion of the issues therein" and a further 200 words on how her boyfriend is a terrible person - because I feel the beginning could be stronger with more venom in the words to set up a greater contrast for the latter sections

and that would bring it to exactly 2000 words

 

[slyhunter]

Do it.

Pls don't