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2023 HSC chat (5 Viewers)

Masaken

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what did I do wrong bro I just thought that was a good segway starting line šŸ˜­
pls don't do that, that is cringe (genuinely from an english marker's viewpoint), there's no point to introduce a random text you don't know that much about - it wastes time

i'd say start your essay with a very strong thesis - the thesis is the marker's first impression of ur essay (you can either memorise one and adapt in the exam or just have a basic idea then make it up in the exam), so for the above q directly answer the question with the already good ideas you have in your intro (eg. Examining the [thematic? just put an adjective here that's relevant] transformation of Eliot's poetry allows for valuable insights on [introduce idea, probably Modernism and spirituality here], through which [blah] is revealed.)

also since it's an evaluate question i'd say use evaluative language for the funsies like Eliot effectively [blah], etc.
 

nsw..wollongong

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@s9a is this better <3

Oneā€™s perception of the world is subject to change over time. Eliotā€™s poetry is no different, transforming over time to reflect his current state of mind on critical modernist opinions, most notably, his depictions of spirituality and manā€™s connection to himself. Thus, this statement is true to a large extent, as seen in Eliotā€™s contrasting poems, ā€œThe Hollow Menā€ and ā€œJourney of the Magiā€, which demonstrate starkly different representations of the subject matter of spirituality. ā€œThe Hollow Menā€, which conveys Eliotā€™s post-WW2 depression and lack of hope, depicts a world void of spirituality and connection, suggesting that man is trapped within a hopeless reality. On the other hand, the more optimistic ā€œJourney of the Magiā€ demonstrates how by finding spirituality, the individual is able to transcend the physical constraints of the modern world to find a better purpose. Evidently, by framing different opinions throughout his changing poetic repertoire, Eliotā€™s poetic style and approach on critical subject matters change over time.
I'm moody so I'm gonna be harsh with my feedback


what even is that first sentence is there a question ur answering?? is this ur thesis? this sounds like the beginning of a discursive
"eliot's poetry is no different" mate this isn't mod c change it
"to reflect his current state of mind" no what is it? was it rlly his current state of mind or was it a preach of the return to the traditionalist past? is this his purpose?
"spirituality and man's connection to himself" --> good.
"thus this statement" WHAT STATEMENT
"to a large extent" don't say this, markers hate it. show that u agree with the statement without outwardly saying it like this, eg Eliot indeed posits that...
"subject matter of spirituality" just say spirituality bruh and also hollow men isn't all abt spirituality its also abt the naturalist intellect and DISILLUSIONMENT WHERE IS UR COMMENTARY ON DISILLUSIONMENT THIS IS ELIOT'S WHOLE PURPOSE!!!
"post-ww2 depression and a lack of hope" first off, u shoulda mentioned context and the 2nd industrial revolution earlier. secondly, what is that lack of hope, hope for what? life fulfilment? material satisfaction? what caused the lack of hope? WW2? DID THE WAR CAUSE THE LACK OF HOPE??? IT WAS A VICTORY BRUH
"depicts a world void of spirituality and connection, suggesting that man is trapped within a hopeless reality." good. by the way. this is disillusionment.
"on the other hand, the more optimistic" i disagree its not optimistic its actually rather critical of towns unfriendly and the anxiety surrounding the achievement of a "satisfactory" life bc the magus questions himself a lot like "were we all led that way for birth or death?"
" the individual is able to transcend the physical constraints of the modern world to find a better purpose. " --> beautiful. more of this.
"approach on critical subject matters change over time." yuck what does this mean. does this mean that his texts are credent? textually integrous? relevant in the contemporary realm?

do better gluten.
 

Masaken

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also I highly doubt Iā€™d get 99.75 at this point, maths/chem are good (unless I screw up they are 99.95 equiv based on trials) but English and esp physics are a problem rn, and Iā€™ve also been doing way less work than I shouldā€™ve lately

tbf I only need an 80 ATAR for my course anyway šŸ˜­
no i believe in ur 99.95, u probably put in the most effort before all of us cos u learned all ur content in january for starters
go get grab that top 0.05% in the state atar and enjoy
 

nsw..wollongong

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also I highly doubt Iā€™d get 99.75 at this point, maths/chem are good (unless I screw up they are 99.95 equiv based on trials) but English and esp physics are a problem rn, and Iā€™ve also been doing way less work than I shouldā€™ve lately

tbf I only need an 80 ATAR for my course anyway šŸ˜­
SHUT UPPPP GRRRRRR SHOOSH
 

nsw..wollongong

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you can join bae the more the merrier
no I'm married

yk what pisses me off, them discussion threads abt acceptance letters n whatnot bc i get mad at myself for not being as smart in yr 9 and 10 like i was way too laid back not even knowing that james ruse existed and there r ppl on here sad abt not getting into baulkham like that's crazy
 

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