Best friends with a woman (1 Viewer)

[blabla1]

Is it possible to be best friends with a girl and not go into a relationship with her. Consider that we already have feelings for each other but a break-up is going to happen because I can not see myself going out with her as more than a friend - we just look so different to each other and honestly it looks like a joke when we're together (culture/appearance TOTAL clash). We talk for ages every night.. (4 hrs) and that was before we even decided to go out. Now when we break up, i wanna stay as best friends, but i'm scared that if we do stay as that, later on she'd want more... but a relationship is just wrong.

Do we have to almost completely stop talking with each other to avoid the risk of going out later? To all the girls in here, can you stay best friends with a guy taht you had feelings for and not want a relationship? I'm just hearing all this shit that you cant be best friends with a girl as they tend to get emotional and attached. Or that you'd get used to her and end up not noticing anyone else besides her.

This probably sounds really stupid but any advice would be appreciated, thanks everyone...

 

[uhawww]

It's going to be hard to be good friends if you break up... unless you both agree on it and just feel natural that way.

I think your culture/appearance thing is lame though, I dated an Asian girl and I'm of euro appearance...

 

[blabla1]

appearance.. im 180 cm she's 150 cm. culture.. im middle eastern, she's asian.

even going out with her alone would piss off my family.

 

[blabla1]

Anything is possible.

If you both get some distance, you may be able to survive as good friends. You may not need the distance, you may need a lot of it.

By distance, do you mean we should not talk with each other for that long everynight? Would distance be restricting yourself to only conversing once every week or so?

 

[PrettyVacant]

No, just stay friends. Tell her that you want to stay good friends. =)

 

[withoutaface]

Um, honestly who gives a shit what the rest of society thinks? If you're that insecure you have bigger problems to worry about than whether you're gonna remain friends with this girl or not.

 

[BlackDragon]

of course you can be best friends with someone of the opposite sex...
why wouldn't you be able to?
pretty much all of my friends were female really, and i didn't feel the need to go out with them. and if i did i would want to stay friends with them afterwards.

 

[blabla1]

Um, honestly who gives a shit what the rest of society thinks? If you're that insecure you have bigger problems to worry about than whether you're gonna remain friends with this girl or not.

I'm no worried about what society thinks... my parents are...

 

[Ingoesout]

Blabla... if YOU have no problem with how you guys look together and youre going to stick to blaming on your ingorant parents then there's no problem here. Your parents need never know.

But, if YOU don't like her, then don't go out with her. again, no problem.

Seriously no one can give you a straight answer as you keep contradicting your self. Get your story staight, your feelings straight, update the thread, and then maybe you'll have some chance of straightening out the situation.

 

[blabla1]

Socially, i just can't see myself going out with her as more than a friend; right now we have slight feelings, but we both agreed to break up in a month time and just go back to being best friends. As a friend, i'm fine with hanging around with her. rents are just pissed that i talk with her for so long and assume we have to be more than friends if we talk that much and are scared that i'll end up thinking only about her (they even mentioned marriage! >.<!)... bah that's so screwed and annoying.

 

[Redgoddess]

why are you dating for a month then going back to being friends? if you can be that clinical about it all then you musn't have really strong feelings for each other, in which case i'd say it's perfectly possible that you'd be able to remain friends. just because someone is of the gender that you're attracted to doesnt mean you can't be friends with them, and you can stay friends with ex's, sometimes it takes a while to work through the hurt of the break up, but i've stayed fairly close to both my ex's, so *shrugs* as someone said, if you work at being friends and getting over the relationshippy feelings then it should be fine. that or you should find each other rebound partners.

 

[niteshade1312]

My best friend was a guy for a really long time and nothing ever happened there and although we were attracted to eachother, we chose to not let anything happen. My two cents...

 

[PrettyVacant]

My best friend was a guy for a really long time and nothing ever happened there and although we were attracted to eachother, we chose to not let anything happen. My two cents...

Haha, when I started reading that, I was thinking he got a sex change or something. :\

 

[niteshade1312]

Goodness I've really outgrown this community... i feel old!

 

[PrettyVacant]

Nah, I joined a month before you back in '04.

 

[littlewing69]

Google 'Ladder Theory' and learn the truth.

 

[bumblebeee]

One of my friends has a theory which she reckons has yet to be proved wrong, that a girl and a guy can't be close friends without having some sort of feelings.

I don't see why u two can't be together tho.

Socially, i just can't see myself going out with her as more than a friend; right now we have slight feelings, but we both agreed to break up in a month time and just go back to being best friends.

Hehe, that's cute, but was that your idea, or her's? It doesn't sound "clinical" to me, it sounds like you like being with each other but you don't want to commit to it for the long term so u want another month of it, then u'll call it off... personaly i reckon that if u really don't have any feelings for the girl ur not being fair to her tho.

Anyway, reminds me of 2 people i know that tried to break up... won't go into the reasons, but basically they thought it wasn't a good idea on the long term.. they had so many "last days" together it seriously wasn't funny... and they're still together now. lol.

Oh, but i disagree with the idea of "parents don't need to know". It mightn't hurt the parents not to know, it might hurt the girl eventually tho.

 

[littlewing69]

One of my friends has a theory which she reckons has yet to be proved wrong, that a girl and a guy can't be close friends without having some sort of feelings.

I don't see why u two can't be together tho.

They can be just friends if the man doesn't find the girl attractive. If she's hot, though, he will want to secks her relentlessly.

 

[uhawww]

Google 'Ladder Theory' and learn the truth.

Hahaha I've seen this, it's gold.

 

[latvia]

To all the girls in here, can you stay best friends with a guy taht you had feelings for and not want a relationship?

Loving someone doesn't mean you have to be with them.

If I ever become "best friends" with him, it's when I don't have feelings for him anymore.

BUT That doesn't imply I "have to be with him".