OOooookay, believe it or not I've finished trials TODAY because my school sucks and makes us do two sets of them...etc.etc.
Anyway, so its been no-breakers ever since trials started so I've hardly been able to relish in the euphoria and relief in handing in EE2. Heh. I have been reading some of your works though and let me say OMG they're brilliant and I hate you all for it because it makes mine look even more crap than it is
I have d/l everyone's whose posted it and in this well-earned break should get round to reading most of them. Looking forward to it!
From the one's I have read, here are my thoughts:
C_james: I liked your use of metafiction that made the entire piece amusing. The characters of Sir Cain and Bale with their witty yet insightful little commentary and constant bickering kept your story going for me – I liked your inventive use of chatbox screens! I think you do well at capturing my interest as a responder, although at times I felt that your post-modern/modernism paradigm sort of lagged on a bit. Nonetheless, well compensated by the brutal satire of it. Well researched, I’ll give you that! The setting fell a bit into the whole ‘lost in translation’ thing at first and I was like ‘Oh man…’ but you retained an original tone and style in which I was completely immersed, thereby removing those initial doubts. I especially liked how you made the cross-over interation between your characters and commentators, kind of something I did in my own story too but my ambiguity kind of wrecked it I guess
The reaction of Ogden to the ‘intruders’ was funny on his online excerpt
‘But you, my friends, you’d best call me ‘The Assembler’, ’cause that’s all I’ve ever done: assemble’ – I liked how you introduced that concept too, throwing all your characters off-guard: ‘It’s called a ‘twist’, I believe, and they’re all the rage nowadays.’ (Have you by any chance read ‘Sophie’s World’ by Jostein Gaarder? It was the muse to my SS, but even if you haven’t, do read it – its an awesome read and the twist is very similar to yours I found) Also, I completely enjoyed your sarcastic yet somber sense of humor. Succinct ending, I saw plenty of textual integrity in it so congrats on your astounding piece! The only thing I can be critical of I suppose is that I tended to lose interest in some parts, but you didn’t let it die completely so you redeemed yourself. An engrossing read and your reflection statement described your aims and how you fulfilled them well. Perhaps tuning down the technical terms a little bit may have retained interest for readers who haven’t been introduced to the concepts you’ve manifested before – but certainly will do to satisfy the markers!
Black Man: First of all, nice title. I admire your style in lyrical poetry that I found even more interesting to read because of your awesome taste in music that corresponds to my own. I was thinking of initially doing poetry myself, but I found that I couldn’t keep to the textual integrity and fully develop my ideas in that form – so congratulations for achieving that much! Your going one step ahead and meticulously using rhythm to capture your intended audience must have taken you plenty of effort and research. The downside for me was possibly the repetitiveness of some of your poems. They were all certainly well-crafted and original but by the time I was nearing the end I had lost the initial spark of them…but keep in mind I was probably tired out by staring at the screen for that long too
You should definitely keep song-writing whatever you choose to do in the future! Your reflection statement I found summed up your intent pretty well too, and I liked your opening quote. It’s a shame though that it had a word limit, otherwise I’d like to have known what perhaps inspired you to use particular songs for the particular themes and ideas you used in each poem.
Jayphen – Your imagery was beautiful in some parts of your story and really moving – especially the textual integrity you used in the mark made on the tree. Your intense detail made me feel very much a part of your protagonist’s experiences. I liked how you manipulated Greek mythology (I used hints of that in my story as well!) and you explained your relevance to that in your reflection statement pretty well. Your intent to explore schizophrenia was achieved well through the delusions and symbolism you used and I enjoyed the ending. One main criticism: I saw some space for development in plot without letting it lag. I felt perhaps you could have clarified the contrasting perspectives because it seemed a little ambiguous at times. Overall however, a good read!
Scoby: I enjoyed the opening to your script that developed through the time shifts you used. I suppose the word limit might account for you perhaps leaving some ideas undeveloped because I believe your script does have much more potential than what you concluded it at. Definitely fits the syllabus (urgh, hate that word now!) requirement of textual integrity, but perhaps a little too much on the predictable side of things when the plot established itself. I felt that you built up the responder’s expectations which kept them reading but I was a bit let down by the end of it, perhaps I was expecting something more? The dialogue use was good because it helped me ascertain the role the characters played and their relationships with one another – perhaps you could have strengthened this by using stronger metaphors in your language or symbolism to challenge the responder. On the other hand, simplicity is an asset and you did manage to achieve what you intended in your reflection statement.
Anyway, will post my story when I get over how terrible it really is...uuurgh.
