Boys and Girls opinions needed... should I be worried and how to resolve the problem? (1 Viewer)

[Pommy babe]

Ok so i've been dating my bf for about 3 mnths but I'm in a college so it's a lot more full-on than most relationships would be, we see each other for hours every day and stay in each others rooms all the time etc. I love him to bits and he loves me, but ever since about 1mnth into the relationship there has always been something nagging away in the background... a girl he knows from back home.

The history with her is, back in the school days he liked her, asked her out she said no, and they just stayed friends, he says "she is one of his best friends".

So anyway, we're out one night and he gets a call from his mates and they pass the phone onto this girl, who's talking away, and then she says is you're gf there? to which he says yeah of course she's right next to me, and she hangs up the phone. Now as far as I am concerned a girl wouldn't be hanging up that phone or even be asking if the gf is there unless they had some kind of ulterior motive and didn't want the gf to know they were talking to him. I've seen the texts she has sent him with kisses and everything on and she's like 'oh this reminds me of you' and 'i miss you'. I've asked him if he can see anything and he's COMPLETELY oblivious to any sign or signals that she's giving out. like seriously... what do i have to do???

Then he was like, i can understand if you're jealous. It's like woah, wait a second, this isn't jealousy, this is me seeing another girl coming onto you in a number of ways being hostile towards me, no wait you're right, i'll welcome her with open arms. I just don't know what to do, or if there is anything i can do?!?

He's seen messages from friends of mine back home (other side of the planet) and he gets uptight etc. So i stopped messaging them, and he knows this. Why should he be allowed to and I can't?

I know he's not going to cheat (for other reasons), but he lives so far away during the hols and when he gets drunk he does stupid stuff and cannot remember a thing.. eugh... what do you think I should / can do?? Why can't people leave others alone when they're in a relationship?... you didn't want them before you don't need them now.

 

[breaking]

Re: Boys and Girls opinions needed... should I be worried and how to resolve the prob

tl;dr

 

[Pommy babe]

Re: Boys and Girls opinions needed... should I be worried and how to resolve the prob

it's obviously weighing on your mind, so yes, you need to work it out. have you tried talking to him?

yeah he couldn't see that she was giving any signs etc. I know he had a go at her for hanging up the phone when i was brought up, cos there were tons of texts from her apologising.. blaming it on the alcohol (like they all do).

But then at the same time, he has said, 'i've missed so much hanging out with you.' he means it as mates and then she's like 'oh i miss you so much too! xxx' He never replied to that or put kisses.

I don't know how to bring it up tho, is there anyway i can bring it up without it sounding like i'm dwelling on the past and not moving on. He won't mention her cos he knows i hate her, so how can i? Has anyone else experienced this?

Sometimes I feel like he is just so NAIVE.

 

[katietheskatie]

Re: Boys and Girls opinions needed... should I be worried and how to resolve the prob

if you don't trust someone then why the fuck are you dating them

as for the chick, it's the two of you, not her, who cares

 

[assiduous]

Re: Boys and Girls opinions needed... should I be worried and how to resolve the prob

by saying he's naive, you're saying he doesnt understand what she's doing. and so he obviously doesnt have feelings for her. does it matter if she has feelings for him, as long as he's not reciprocating? i dont think so. you should trust him more by the sounds of it.


and the kisses thing is all individual. i often write xx at the end of a msg to male friends.

i do the same too!

xoxoxo

 

[HalcyonSky]

Re: Boys and Girls opinions needed... should I be worried and how to resolve the prob

Ok so i've been dating my bf for about 3 mnths but I'm in a college so it's a lot more full-on than most relationships would be, we see each other for hours every day and stay in each others rooms all the time etc. I love him to bits and he loves me, but ever since about 1mnth into the relationship there has always been something nagging away in the background... a girl he knows from back home.

The history with her is, back in the school days he liked her, asked her out she said no, and they just stayed friends, he says "she is one of his best friends".

So anyway, we're out one night and he gets a call from his mates and they pass the phone onto this girl, who's talking away, and then she says is you're gf there? to which he says yeah of course she's right next to me, and she hangs up the phone. Now as far as I am concerned a girl wouldn't be hanging up that phone or even be asking if the gf is there unless they had some kind of ulterior motive and didn't want the gf to know they were talking to him. I've seen the texts she has sent him with kisses and everything on and she's like 'oh this reminds me of you' and 'i miss you'. I've asked him if he can see anything and he's COMPLETELY oblivious to any sign or signals that she's giving out. like seriously... what do i have to do???

Then he was like, i can understand if you're jealous. It's like woah, wait a second, this isn't jealousy, this is me seeing another girl coming onto you in a number of ways being hostile towards me, no wait you're right, i'll welcome her with open arms. I just don't know what to do, or if there is anything i can do?!?

He's seen messages from friends of mine back home (other side of the planet) and he gets uptight etc. So i stopped messaging them, and he knows this. Why should he be allowed to and I can't?

I know he's not going to cheat (for other reasons), but he lives so far away during the hols and when he gets drunk he does stupid stuff and cannot remember a thing.. eugh... what do you think I should / can do?? Why can't people leave others alone when they're in a relationship?... you didn't want them before you don't need them now.

ok then so shutup and dont make a long assed post about it seen there's nothing to worry about

 

[tallkid34]

Re: Boys and Girls opinions needed... should I be worried and how to resolve the prob

ok then so shutup and dont make a long assed post about it seen there's nothing to worry about

+1

At least be honest OP. This is something you may as well bring up with your bf. Otherwise the insecurity will continue to eat away at you as seen in your long post.

 

[SMP213]

Re: Boys and Girls opinions needed... should I be worried and how to resolve the prob

yeah he couldn't see that she was giving any signs etc. I know he had a go at her for hanging up the phone when i was brought up, cos there were tons of texts from her apologising.. blaming it on the alcohol (like they all do).

But then at the same time, he has said, 'i've missed so much hanging out with you.' he means it as mates and then she's like 'oh i miss you so much too! xxx' He never replied to that or put kisses.

I don't know how to bring it up tho, is there anyway i can bring it up without it sounding like i'm dwelling on the past and not moving on. He won't mention her cos he knows i hate her, so how can i? Has anyone else experienced this?

Sometimes I feel like he is just so NAIVE.

yer i had the same kinda thing!!
but he never askd the chick out or anything, but he liked her for 2 years!! but then when she found out bout me, she started talkin and flirting with him!
that bitch!! lol
then that asshole told me that he never liked her, it was all bullshit!! so im like ok wateva!!
naaa, but you just need to try to explain to him. try to make him see wat ur goin thru!
use that example of how he made u stop talkin to ur old friends!!
dont jus keep it in!
one day u might have a breakdown and he'll b lke wtf! where did that come from! so one day jus explain to him!!

 

[emiliieee]

Re: Boys and Girls opinions needed... should I be worried and how to resolve the prob

i didnt read it. it was too long. but whatever everybody said here already - i agree?

 

[Guesss]

Re: Boys and Girls opinions needed... should I be worried and how to resolve the prob

by saying he's naive, you're saying he doesnt understand what she's doing. and so he obviously doesnt have feelings for her. does it matter if she has feelings for him, as long as he's not reciprocating? i dont think so. you should trust him more by the sounds of it.

This^^ lol

And bring up the issue that u stopped msging ur friends when he got annoyed!

gl.

 

[XPac2]

Re: Boys and Girls opinions needed... should I be worried and how to resolve the prob

by saying he's naive, you're saying he doesnt understand what she's doing. and so he obviously doesnt have feelings for her. does it matter if she has feelings for him, as long as he's not reciprocating? i dont think so. you should trust him more by the sounds of it.


and the kisses thing is all individual. i often write xx at the end of a msg to male friends.

+1
my chick friends get x's and shitall the time. it doesnt mean anything. If ur really worried, fly over there, kill her, and blame it on Warcraft.

 

[veruschka]

Re: Boys and Girls opinions needed... should I be worried and how to resolve the prob

I can totally relate to that.
You have to be upfront about it with him. Tell him about the things that are bothering you. If he loves you then he'll change.

 

[ajay098]

Re: Boys and Girls opinions needed... should I be worried and how to resolve the prob

I can totally relate to that.
You have to be upfront about it with him. Tell him about the things that are bothering you. If he loves you then he'll change.

+1

at the same time, you should have more trust in him and his actions towards that girl if you know he won't cheat on you for other reasons.