I am on the same boat ! I am coming like top 4 in every single subject, and they are those good scaling one, 4 unit maths , 3 unit maths , ESL english , Chemistry and Physics . . .but what i am worrying is, my school ranks pretty low . . well not that low but about 250 . What i am thinking is . . am i really doing well ? as in for real . . ? what if i compared to other school like those selectives . . i might be coming last. . . this totally makes me feel like shit.
And guess what , for some reason . . i dont know why though. My school gave me a scholarship . . i think its called the AAA . . dont know whats the long form, at first I was like, holy shit . . score!, but afterward its like . . shit meh what if i do shit in the HSC . . is that mean i totally failed my school, and disapoints those teacher and principle who decided to give me the scholarship. . . .
Although its a good thing that i got the scholarship , but i am sooo inconfident in myself. . . why would a school show soo much love to me ? To someone who just came into Australia for only 5 years . . and still having problems with english. I am not complianing that i have reciewed it, just that now i feel the pressure of the school + family. . . i am really afraid that i will disapoint them . . This may sounds strange . . . but i totally have no idea how and why i get the scholarship, as in i am not even the best student in the school, maybe second or third . . why did they choise me?
Omg, this is driving me insane, i dont want to disapoint my family, my school . . but i am soo insecure that with my limited english volcabulary and grammer level . . . . no matter what shit happens, i better get 90+ . . . my parents are like spreading the words like . . . MY SON GOT SCHOLARSHIP!!, as in like . . . every single one of my relatives knows . . even all those in HONG KONG. . NO MATTER WHAT SHIT HAPPENS, i better get AT LEAST 90 . . . or else i will be ashamed. . my parents , school will be disapointed in me , all the relatives will go "Yeah , i knew it . . he is just lucky that he got the scholarship, he is dumb and stupid . . i knew he wasnt that great. ." blah blah blah . . . i can so see all of that comming .
If i didnt do well in the HSC, i am a goner. . . pretty much says it will be the end of the world for me .